Anywhere But Here
by Science-Fantasy93
Summary: James Diamond is the school's bad boy, who wants nothing more to be anywhere than at his prep school. But when he meets Katie Knight, the good girl, he finds himself caring more for someone than he has in years, much to the chagrin of her possessive boyfriend. As they grow closer, the walls they've both built begin tumbling down & his best kept secret may be about to come out...
1. Chapter 1 Bad Boy Meets Good Girl

**_Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever, owned Big Time Rush, Mayday Parade, the title (which comes from Mayday Parade's song "Anywhere but Here"), or anything else that is recognizable. The lyrics in the beginning of the chapter are also property of Mayday Parade and their management and record label._**

**_A/N: Okay. Wow. This story is finally getting posted. It's been over six months since I first began writing it, and with over 60 pages, I figured it was about time to post it. Plus, "Touch the Flame" is about to wrap up (I just need to get myself moving with the epilogue), so now seemed like as good a time as any to put up a new story._**

**_As always, there's a huge author's note, so kudos to you guys who bear with it._**

**_The title of this fic comes from Mayday Parade's song "Anywhere but Here", because it was the song I was listening to when I first came up with the idea, though it has almost nothing to do with the story itself. But it still managed to shape the fic, and the title seemed appropriate somehow. When I came up with the story idea, it was one of those weird moments where the idea just popped randomly into my head and demanded to be written. And six months later, here we are._**

**_Huge, huge, HUUUUUGGGEEEE thanks to Dana2184 for reading the first chapter, even though it was unedited, and for loving it and being so enthusiastic about it. Thank you so much, Yogi! Love you! Also special thanks to Jatieluv for being an awesome writing buddy and for humoring my ideas and whims, even when they're pretty stupid. Also for the constant Channy references in our stories ;)_**

**_The pairings in this story are Jatie, Kendall/Jo, and Cargan (AKA Logan/Carlos), just to let you guys know. Writing the guys as a slash pairing is a huge change for me, but hopefully I'll do them justice. :)_**

**_The rating is T for the time being, but knowing me, it'll end up changed to M, but I'll make sure I let you guys know if/when I change it :)_**

**_This is also an AU high school fic, and it takes place at a boarding school. There is MAJOR OOC for Katie, which is done intentionally. It's the only way this story would have worked. If she seems a little extreme, it's because she is. There are reasons for her behavior that will eventually be explained. As for James, he's Mr. Bad Boy who doesn't take crap from anyone, and there are also reasons for that. If you guys have any questions, just review or PM me and I'll try to answer them as soon as possible :)_**

**_Warnings: Language, sexual innuendos, mentions of cigarettes and drugs._**

**_Enjoy the chapter! :)_**

* * *

_"Secret love, my escape  
Take me far, far away  
Secret love, are you there  
Will you answer my prayer  
Please take me anywhere but here  
Anywhere but here" – Mayday Parade: "Anywhere but Here"._

**Chapter One – Bad Boy Meets Good Girl**

**James' POV**

Detention.

That word pretty much sums up my life at Dalton Prep, a boarding school in southern Minnesota.

Detention.

I seem to get it a lot. I can't help it, I just get caught in the wrong place at the wrong times, doing the wrong things for, apparently, the wrong reasons.

Nothing bad of course. I'm not one of those vandals who spray paints people's dorm room doors. I mean, what kind of moron does that? Spray paint? How classy.

But I digress.

I was pretty sure that detention would be pretty normal that day. How could it not be? It was a Monday afternoon, I had taken the blame for an idiot friend, the girls were giving me smirks and pouts that pretty much told me what they'd like me to do to them, all was right in the world.

But I didn't know I was going to meet _her_. And I certainly didn't know that meeting her would set off an entire chain reaction. Bad boy meets good girl. Good girl meets bad boy. Good girl lands in detention with bad boy. Ah, the newspaper headlines. Bonjour, page six.

I sauntered down the hall towards the detention classroom, which is really just an old math classroom that no one uses anymore, which is probably a good thing. Math is bad enough without having to sit in a small room with tiny desks and headache-inducing bright fluorescent lights.

Carlos Garcia, a friend of mine (not the idiot friend who I had taken the fall for; my roommate), waved at me and shouted across the hall, "You in detention today?"

"Duh. You know I hate changing up my schedule."

"Nice, dude. See you later."

"Yep. Later."

I headed into the classroom, letting the door open with a _bang_ as I walked in. The door's hinges were a little too flexible and never bothered to stop the door from crashing into the wall whenever someone walked into the room, unless that person caught it.

It's a detention classroom – almost no one ever does.

Except for one person.

I kicked the door closed behind me, heard another satisfyingly loud _bang_, and headed to the front of the room, where I usually sit. I like to be up front, because all the druggies and drunks that are too stupid to hide their addictions (that are too stupid to actually have those addictions) sit in the back. The middle row is taken up by all the random kids who get in trouble maybe once or twice a year, since they seem to think that sitting in the middle will protect them from the annual detention zombie apocalypse which has yet to happen.

And then there's the first few rows, where the detention regulars make a home for themselves. Occasionally you'll get a non-regular who decides to brave the front row, but that's rare. It's usually because they know one of the regulars, and decide to sit with that person.

I plopped down in my chair, dropping my book bag to the floor, and sprawled out in my chair. Ah, yes, this was the life.

No one was sitting beside me on either side, or behind me either, which constituted today as a good detention day. No complaints there.

I heard the door swing open, the hinges squeaky, but the door didn't have a face to face meeting with the wall. Instead, there was a soft click as the door closed behind whoever had come in.

Curiously, I swiveled around in my seat to see who the newcomer was.

My eyes widened as I saw the girl. Long, shiny brown hair, huge brown eyes that reminded me of melted chocolate, and a tiny figure. Not a supermodel, but still breathtaking. And my breath was definitely taken.

The funny thing was, I knew her, kind of. I mean, I knew her in passing. I saw her in the halls, and in the cafeteria, but that was about it. I knew she was a junior, a year younger than me; her name was Katie Knight, and she was Kendall Knight's, the hockey player, younger sister. I knew Kendall because we were in the same grade, and we had gotten partnered for a couple of projects, but I had never spoken to Katie before. However, I had been under the impression that she was the type of girl who always followed the rules, never broke the school's curfew, and stuck to straight lemonade.

So what the hell was she doing in the detention room?!

Katie fidgeted as she looked around for a place to sit. I couldn't blame her – the detention room wasn't exactly her usual domain. The crowd she hung out with didn't break school rules.

So, once again: What the hell was she doing here?!

After several seconds, she bit her lip, and looked over at me. My face probably erupted into flames when I realized that she had caught me staring at her. I quickly turned around, eyes facing the whiteboard.

I focused on the faded lines of crude jokes and pornographic images that had been drawn on the board, probably that weekend by a bunch of immature jerks, and quickly realized that I really didn't want to be looking at them.

My gaze dropped down to my book bag, which rested at my feet. Nothing interesting about it, but it would do. I could stare at it blankly until Katie found a place to sit down. No problem. No problem at all.

And then there was the sound of a body dropping into the chair beside mine, and I caught the scent of cherries and vanilla.

"It's okay if I sit here, right?" came a quiet voice from my left, and I looked away from my book bag, to Katie. She looked a little anxious, and she was entwining her fingers together nervously.

I nodded. "Yeah, it's fine. We don't have assigned seats here, so you won't get in trouble for sitting where you feel like."

"I didn't think so," she said. "I just – yeah. This is my first time in detention, and I'm not exactly proud of it."

I blinked at her. Yeah, I could definitely believe that. She still wore _knee socks_ with her uniform half the time, and on the weekends, when our uniforms weren't mandatory, she looked like _Abercrombie and Fitch_ threw up on her. No one I know wears _Abercrombie and Fitch_. They don't even wear _Aeropostle_.

"Oh. Well, you've made it this long without detention," I replied in an attempt to reassure her that she wasn't going to burn in hell for making a mistake. "You had to end up with it at least once, right?"

She looked at me like I was nuts.

Guess not…

"I didn't _need_ to end up with it! I didn't _want_ to end up with detention! I would have been happy if I had gotten through my entire high school experience _without_ detention! My brother's a senior like you and he's never had detention!" Her voice rose in pitch until dogs were the only ones in danger of hearing it.

"Whoa, calm down," I said to her, taking her hand and squeezing it. "Seriously, detention's not a big deal."

"Yes it is! It goes on your permanent record! So, you know what the admissions people at Yale and Harvard and Dartmouth are going to see when they look over my transcript? That I got detention!"

"Well, what'd you get detention for?" I asked her patiently, squeezing her hand again.

"Talking in class…"

I blinked. Wow. Talking in class. That had to be the lamest way to get detention. "Um…I think they'll let it pass," I assured her, trying not to laugh.

"But what if they don't? I mean, it was all a huge misunderstanding! I was trying to help Deana Miller with her math problem because she was struggling, only I wasn't giving her the answer…Only Mr. Rochester heard me and thought we were cheating." She looked about ready to cry.

"Katie," I gave her hand another squeeze, "I'm sure all those colleges you're applying to will still let you in. Plus, you'll have interviews with the admissions advisors, right?"

She nodded.

"So, you can clear your story up there. I'm sure they'll be impressed that you gave up an hour of your time in order to help a fellow classmate."

She blinked, using her free hand to wipe at her watery eyes. "You – you really think so?"

I nodded. "I'm sure of it."

She began to smile weakly, and I smiled back encouragingly.

At that moment, Mrs. Vanderbilt called detention to order.

The thing about having Mrs. Vanderbilt as the detention overseer is that she hates it, and she slacks off most of the time. About ninety percent of the time, she's out of the room within five minutes, off to laze around in the teacher's lounge, where they got cable TV and had halfway decent coffee.

A teacher's dream.

I leaned back in my seat, crossing my arms, and mentally recalling all the French swearwords I knew. It was the only French I would really need anyway. After all, what good is asking for directions when you can't even cuss out the person who gave you the crappy map in the first place?

I was on the eighth swearword when Mrs. Vanderbilt leapt to her feet. "No talking," she informed us. "I'm locking you in."

Which she always did. Like we couldn't get out through the window if we really wanted to.

We all waved at her as she left, and immediately there was an instant flurry of movement. People got to their feet, moving around the room, while others began to chat or fold their notebook paper into paper airplanes.

"Won't she be back soon?" Katie asked, looking confused. "I mean, she just went to the bathroom or something, right?"

"Nope. She's going to the teacher's lounge. Her favorite soap opera is on, and she never misses an episode of it."

"But – but – she's the teacher who oversees detention!"

"And your point is?"

"She isn't allowed to do that!" she cried, looking outraged.

"Nope."

"And no one's reported her?"

"Why would we? This way, we get to do whatever we want until four-o-clock."

She bit her lip. "It still isn't right."

"What in high school is right?" I pointed out. "You got detention because your teacher didn't listen to you and didn't bother to pay attention to the girl who needed help. Is that right?"

"Well…no…" she wavered.

"Exactly. Do you really want to sit in here and be punished just for trying to be a good friend?"

Katie shook her head.

"Get my point?"

"I guess…But I still don't think she should be abandoning her post."

I shrugged. "Probably not."

She still looked slightly troubled, but finally turned back to me. "So, why are you in detention?"

I shrugged. "I was caught with a pack of cigarettes."

Her eyes widened. "You smoke?" The expression on her face was horrified, like I had just told her I had killed someone.

"Not very often. I was holding them for a friend who does smoke a lot, though."

"Well, that's not fair either," she protested. "Didn't you tell the teacher that? The one who caught you?"

"What, and be a snitch? No way in hell."

She chewed on her bottom lip. "But you're stuck here in detention. And your friend's probably somewhere chain smoking right now and risking lung cancer."

"I know, but…You just don't tell on a friend. You just don't do that. Besides, I'm in here at least twice a week, so it's not really a big deal."

"Which doesn't make a lot of sense," she replied, running a hand through her long hair, and I found my eyes tracing her fingers' movement. "I mean, you're so nice. You don't strike me as a troublemaker."

"Never judge a book by its cover, right?" I gave her a half smile.

"I suppose…I still think you're crazy. Why would you cause trouble?"

"It's fun."

"How? How is flooding the boys' bathroom fun?"

"Okay, I didn't flood the boys' bathroom. I _accidentally_ dropped a sparkler in one of the toilets."

She raised her eyebrows. "Right…accidentally."

I gave her an innocent look.

"You were also caught with alcohol in your possession."

"It was cough medicine – I had a cold."

"The janitor walked in on you and some girl in the supply closet."

"We were having a friendly talk."

"You do know I don't believe that at all, right?"

I just smirked.

"Yeah, I take back what I said about you being nice. You're actually kind of a jerk."

"So I've heard before."

"The girls also call you the Diamond tongue."

"Aww, that's so sweet."

"And they say you have diamond fingers."

"And here I was, thinking that my fingers were made out of skin and bone."

"You know what they mean."

I shrugged. "Anything else they say about me?"

She looked away, blushing a little, which beyond gave me my answer.

I smirked again. "So they do."

"I – I can't really say – " she stuttered out.

"So, you listen to the gossip about me?"

"Well, how am I supposed to not listen, when all the girls in the locker room before and after PE and cheerleading practice are always talking about you. I mean, you're kind of a player and a heartbreaker. So they're either gushing about you or complaining about you."

"So, if I'm the big bad wolf, why are you sitting here?" I asked her, genuinely interested in her answer.

She twisted her fingers together, like she had when she had first arrived in the detention room. "I was curious…I mean, I've heard so much about you, but I've never actually had a conversation with you. You're kind of a legend, like a local celebrity. It's actually almost surreal sitting here with you, because, like I said, I've heard so many rumors about you. Also…you have nice eyes."

I blinked. "Thank you?"

"I mean, your eyes are warm and actually really kind, which surprised me. I mean, girls are always saying how pretty your eyes are, but I never thought they'd be like…well, like they are." She dropped her head, looking down at her desk, her hair curtaining her face. I had a feeling she was blushing bright red, embarrassed by what she had just said.

"Well, I'm not _that_ bad," I told her. "I mean, maybe I don't treat girls the way some people think I should, but I always make sure that they know what they're getting into. I don't promise them the world and then snatch it away from them. That's not me. I just don't do relationships, and I always let them know that nothing will come out of our hookups."

"Some of them hope that you'll change your mind," she told me, her voice almost a whisper. "They want to be the ones to change you, to save you."

"Yeah, I know," I admitted. "I always feel bad about it, but I do warn them. Maybe I should just walk around with a sign that says **_Don't do relationships – don't try to change me_**."

She let out a small laugh, and she finally pushed her hair away from her face, over her shoulder. "Maybe…I guess I could pass the message on to the other girls, if you want me to."

"Eh, I don't know if they'll listen to anyone. I mean, one girl I hooked up with a couple of times left a bible outside my dorm room door. And then she quoted me that bible verse about not having sex before marriage."

Katie blinked. "But she had sex with you before marriage…"

"Apparently I corrupted her."

"That's stupid," she snorted. "She was a willing participant…right?"

"She was."

"Hmm…oh, I bet it was Kylie Kennedy, wasn't it?"

I nodded in surprise. "You know her?"

"Unfortunately…You don't come to a lot of the games, do you?"

"No."

"Ah. Well, she's a cheerleader too."

"Oh, gotcha."

She nodded. "Want me to pass a message onto her?"

"Nah. She's one of the ones who won't listen."

"Probably not," Katie agreed, and then shrugged. "Well, I guess you should consider that a lesson."

I blinked at her in confusion. "How?"

"Be careful who you sleep with – it might come back to haunt you."

"Same goes for you," I told her.

She blushed again. "Yeah, well…"

"Well, what?"

She shook her head. "Never mind. But I don't think my boyfriend would like it very much if he heard you telling me that. He's kind of the jealous type."

I felt this really weird feeling in my gut, like someone was twisting my intestines around and then squeezing the life out of them. Not a pleasant feeling in the least.

She had a boyfriend…

Not that I cared…

It was just that she was nice and pretty and I had been holding her hand. Granted, it had been to comfort her, but still. Same difference. It could still count in the eyes of a jealous boyfriend or a hopeful teenager. And yeah, okay, I'll admit it. There had been a small part of me that had been hoping that Katie might have a minor crush on me. Not because I wanted to take advantage of her, but, well, therewasasmallpartofmethatwasattractedtoher.

Please don't make me say it again…

Fine.

There was a small part of me that was attracted to her.

There.

Ya happy?

But not enough for it to be a crush. I barely even knew the girl. All I knew about her was that she was a goody-two-shoes, pretty, smart (obviously, if she was planning on going to an ivy league college), a cheerleader, and pretty. Oh, and she had a boyfriend. Even more reason not to get attached.

"Oh," I said. "Well, do me a favor and don't mention it to him."

"Why? You don't think you can take him?"

"No idea. Wait – is he that meaty football player?"

I had seen her talking to one of the senior football players on more than one occasion, but I had never really thought much about it. Not that I really gave much thought to her in general. That often…

Katie gave me a long look. "He's not meaty. He's muscle-y, like you. Bulked up. How would you like it if I called you meaty?"

"Point taken. Anyway, so he is?"

"Yeah. Zach Wilder."

Right…I kind of knew Zach. Not well, but kind of. Like Kendall, I had some classes with him. He didn't exactly strike me as the nicest type, though. Not the kind of guy you'd think a girl like Katie Knight would be dating.

"Oh, yeah…him."

She nodded, and smiled. "It's funny, he's so jealous, but he doesn't have any reason to be. We've been together since I was in eighth grade."

Wow. A romance that had lasted since junior high. That was actually pretty good. Color me impressed.

"That's awhile," I commented. "A really long time."

"Yep. So, I don't know why he thinks I'm going to throw away all our history. I guess he's just really insecure."

Or he was cheating on her. In my experience, people a lot of times got really jealous of their partner when they were seeing someone else. It was like, because they couldn't stay true, they thought their significant other wouldn't be able to.

But that was just me, jumping to conclusions. Chances were, her boyfriend wasn't cheating on her at all; he was just protective and jealous because he knew she was sweet and pretty and would probably end up attracting all the wrong guys. Like, say, me. And considering she apparently had a curious side, she could end up flirting back, and then where would that leave her?

I didn't even want to think about that.

So it was probably a good thing she had someone looking out for her.

"Yeah, probably," I finally said after a few long seconds.

"I just hope he's not too disappointed in me," she sighed.

"For what?"

"For getting detention. He's really proud of my good-girl status. I don't think he'll be too thrilled when he finds out I got in trouble." She looked upset again, and once more I found myself with the urge to comfort her.

"Well, if he can't accept that you were trying to be nice and that your teacher made a mistake, then I don't know what he's doing with you," I told her firmly. "But I'm sure he'll understand. Besides, everyone screws up once in awhile, right?"

She shook her head. "Not me."

I stared at her. "Then you're not human."

"I mean, I try not to. I try _really_ hard not to. I don't like disappointing people, or disappointing myself. Landing detention is the worst thing I've ever done, _ever_."

"Ever? What? You've never even skipped class?"

She looked traumatized by the idea. "Oh my gosh, no! What if there was a pop quiz? Or I got caught? Or – or – it's just wrong anyway, to skip a class." She wrapped her arms around her tiny body.

I fought back a laugh, but apparently a chuckle still managed to escape, because she swiveled her head to look at me, lips forming in a pout. "Why are you laughing at me?"

"Because you're funny. You're so horrified by the idea of breaking the rules. It's adorable. I've never met anyone who's so afraid of acting out a little."

She shook her head. "I have too much to accomplish. I can't act out."

"Not even at sixteen?"

"No! I've had my whole life planned out since I was eight, and up until today, I've been able to follow that plan to a tee. And now…Who knows what this detention is going to cost me? Maybe my whole future!"

"You do know that there are good colleges besides the ivy leagues, right?" I asked her. "The University of Minnesota isn't so bad. And there's Reed College in Portland, Oregon. And Vassar in Poughkeepsie."

"How do you know about those colleges?" she asked curiously.

"I'm not a complete screw up." I looked at her in amusement. "Just because I get detention a lot doesn't mean anything."

"It actually means a lot. It says a lot about your personality, if you ask me."

"Well, I didn't. My grades, save for math, are actually pretty good. I usually manage to keep a 3.0 to 3.5 GPA, depending on the classes I'm taking."

"Oh. Well…I mean…Sorry, everyone I know considers a 3.5 grade point average to be low. I know it's not, it's just, well…it's not a 4.0," she said softly.

"Well, since you guys are the future cancer-research-scientists and presidents and diplomats and mathematicians, I won't argue with that. I'm sure to you guys, a 3.9 is low."

"Well, kind of…I mean, it's not really an A-plus."

"Naturally."

She ducked her head. "I'm really sorry. A 3.5 for most people is probably pretty good."

"Yeah, it's like an A, A-minus, maybe a B-plus, depending on the class."

"I can't imagine getting a grade below an A," she admitted reluctantly. "I never have."

I stared at her in shock. "_Never_?"

She shook her head. "Not even in first grade. I'm a major perfectionist," she explained. "If I can't get something perfect, I'll work on it until I can get it to that point. I remember getting a ninety-nine on a spelling test in second grade, and bursting into tears because I misspelled a word."

I chortled. "Poor thing."

"Yeah. My brother's not like that. He's more laidback. But he also doesn't need to try as hard. He's one of those people who can understand things like _that_." She snapped her fingers to emphasize the point. "And if he can't get it…well, then he sweet talks the teachers into giving him lots of extra credit assignments that he actually understands."

"I'm sure you could do that. You're small and cute and pretty and innocent looking, and you're a really good student, and you're nice. The teachers probably love you."

She shrugged. "I guess. But I'm nice to them. When I'm at Kendall's and my house on the weekends, I sometimes bake cookies and cupcakes and muffins and I'll give the leftovers to my teachers. I mean, they work so hard and they deserve a _thank you_, don't you think?"

I blinked at her blankly. "Um…honestly, I never really thought about it."

"Oh. Well, I think they do. And I always give them Christmas and Valentine's Day cards."

Who the hell are you?! The perky, petite reincarnation of Mother Theresa?! Or maybe even Gandhi…

I stared at her.

"And I always put Starbucks gift cards in them, because who doesn't like Starbucks?"

She actually spent money on her teachers.

Was I in an alternate universe?

Did she have some weird, rare mental disease? Wannabe-saint-itis?

She twirled her hair around her fingers, looking at me innocently.

"Well…um…I'm sure they all appreciate it very much."

"I hope so. I feel so bad about them, especially with some of the troublemakers they have to deal with – oh." She ducked her head again and blushed as she realized that I was one of those troublemakers the teachers had to deal with.

I smirked a little. "You mean the troublemakers who drop sparklers into toilets?"

"Sorry…"

"Don't apologize. I'm not offended – why would I be? I'm a loud and proud troublemaker. I should probably carry a flag."

That got a giggle out of her. "You're funny," she told me, raising her head and smiling at me again.

"Thanks. You're pretty cute too. But don't tell your boyfriend I say that. He might not like it."

"I'm, um, not sure. Probably not, though…"

I grinned, taking an oddly perverse pleasure in pissing Zach Wilder off by complimenting his girlfriend.

Before I could say something back to Katie, the lock clicked on the door, and Mrs. Vanderbilt came waltzing in, clutching a foam cup of coffee and looking much happier than she had when she had left.

Immediately, the talking died down, and anyone who was standing quickly scurried back to their seat.

Without a word about the sudden flurry of movement, Mrs. Vanderbilt walked over to her desk, sitting down at it, and pulling out a folder of papers that she probably had to grade or something.

I glanced at the clock, and saw that we still had ten minutes left before the detention bell rang. With a resigned sigh, I pulled out my math homework and began to work on it. Beside me, Katie pulled out her own homework, and got to work on it as well.

After ten long minutes, the bell rang, and there was a sudden rumble of noise as everyone leapt to their feet, stuffing their homework into the backpacks and book bags.

I swung my book bag over my shoulder, as Katie slung her messenger bag across her chest. Together, we walked out of the detention room, and headed down the hall.

"Katie!"

We both turned at the sound of a guy calling her name. A guy with white blonde hair came pushing through the crowd, hurrying towards her.

Oh, goody. Ladies and gentlemen, Zach Wilder. Anyone feel like booing him and throwing rotten carrots and apples at him?

"There you are!" he cried, reaching us. "God, Kat, is it true? Did you really get detention?"

She nodded, eyes widening, and her bottom lip began trembling; whether she was about to cry, or whether she was just nervous, I couldn't tell.

"What did you do?"

"I tried to help Deana in math, but Mr. Rochester misunderstood the situation and gave me detention."

"Why would you help Deana? She's nothing but trouble."

"But she's nice," Katie protested. "And she needed help and Mr. Rochester was too busy grading tests."

Zach shook his head. "You're too nice for your own good. You need to learn who to stay away from."

I frowned. That didn't sound right, especially since I knew Deana Miller. Katie was right – she was nice. She was in drama with me, and she was always willing to help me memorize scripts.

"But…but…" Katie's eyes were wide, and looked watery.

"I mean, she's an actress. You know how crazy those people get."

"Excuse me?" I broke into the conversation. "What the hell do you mean by _those people_?"

Zach sneered at me. "Nothing you need to concern yourself with, _James Dean_."

Katie frowned. "His name's James Diamond…"

"He's referring to _Rebel Without a Cause_, a movie James Dean was in," I explained to her.

"Oh…"

"Dude, leave. I can explain stuff to my girlfriend without your help."

"I'm sure you can," I said coolly. "After all, you were doing such a stellar job of explaining to her why actors and actresses are second class people."

He sneered. "I wouldn't expect you to agree. After all, you're an actor _and_ a man whore."

I took a step towards him. "Original. Do you have your insults written for you, or do you practice them in front of the mirror?"

He stepped closer to me as well. "Do you practice your pickup lines in the mirror?"

A crowd was beginning to form around us this time, no doubt hoping for a good fight to gossip about over dinner.

"Actually," I replied, "I don't use pickup lines. Oh, and I also don't use overused insults. Get a new script writer, Wilder."

"Look, I don't know what that means, but what I do know is that you're way over the line. You were with _my_ girl."

"Really? She's yours? That's funny. I don't recall seeing a sign on her that says _Property of Zach Wilder_. Do you let her off your leash during class hours? Or was today a special occasion?"

The crowd _oohed_. James: 1. Zach: 0.

"Okay, you know what – " before he could finish what I was sure would have been a threat, Katie grabbed his arm.

"Zach, come on. He was in detention with me, okay? I sat with him. It's not a big deal."

Zach's glare intensified. "It is to a big deal. I don't want you anywhere near the man whore or prick."

"Zach!" Katie gave him a furious and horrified look.

"I'm serious, Kat. I don't want him anywhere near you. Come on, let's go." And with that, he took her hand, and dragged her away, through the crowd.

* * *

_**Okay, so, that was the first chapter. What'd you guys think of it? Was it awful? Kinda good? Okay? Not too bad? If you guys could do me a huge favor and review so that I know if you like it or not, I'd really, really appreciate it!**_

_**As for my other stories, I'm working on them, but I managed to get blocked with all of them (it's a talent). Hopefully I'll get unblocked and updates for them will be coming soon :)**_

_**Also, JatieFantasy (Jatieluv's and my joint account) just posted a new Jatie story called "Family Bites", so if you guys could check it out, we would love you for it :)**_


	2. Chapter 2 What People Say

_**Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever, owned Big Time Rush or anything else that is recognizable.**_

_**KnylonMaslow: Haha nope, not in the least, but it's what makes the story work. Aww, thanks! I'm so happy you enjoyed the first chapter, and thank you for reviewing :)**_

_**A/N Wow! As always, you guys blew me away with the positive responses for the first chapter, so THANK YOU so much! I can't tell you guys how much I appreciate it, but I will say that I was really nervous no one would like the story, so it's nice to hear that you guys are enjoying it. So thank you :)**_

_**Also, I usually try to get the second chapter of a new story up relatively quickly, but this chapter is coming almost a week and a half after the story was posted. I had it written, I just got really busy with other stuff and then a couple nights ago I discovered that they have my favorite show from childhood - "Liberty's Kids" - on YouTube, so that was also pretty distracting. So if you guys start seeing stories about the Revolutionary War and Boston Tea Party and stuff popping up on my profile, you can blame it on the show. Anyway, my original point was, I'm so sorry for the wait, and hopefully I'll get the next chapter up a little more quickly :) Thank you for your patience, I love you guys for it!**_

_**Warnings: Language, mentions of drug use, and sexual innuendos.**_

_**Enjoy the chapter :)**_

* * *

**Chapter Two – What People Say**

**James' POV**

There's nothing quite like someone announcing in front of the entire school that they don't want you anywhere near their girlfriend. There really isn't.

Especially when that guy happens to be the football star. Just freaking awesome.

I could count on at least a week of people avoiding me, acting like I was a blank wall or an invisible ghost. It wouldn't be the first time I had been treated like that, and I was sure, after today, that it wouldn't be the last. I wasn't exactly a favorite among the popular people. Guys like Zach Wilder seemed to think of me as a danger when it comes to girls, under the impression that I'm a girlfriend stealer.

For the record, I'm not even close. Every girl I hook up with is single, I make sure of it. Mainly because I like to try to avoid confrontations like this one.

And I hadn't even slept with Katie!

Unbelievable.

The crowd was beginning to disperse, people muttering and mumbling to each other, a few of them shooting me furtive glances, others staring outright.

Yeah, along with being treated like I was invisible, people were going be whispering behind my back about my argument with Zach. I just hoped Katie wouldn't get dragged into it too much. It wasn't her fault, none of it was.

The only question now was, _which of us had won the fight_?

I would have loved to be able to say that it was me, but Zach had the upper hand. He had been able to pull Katie away from me. But my comebacks were still way better than his.

With that reassuring thought, I stuffed my hands into my pants pockets, and moved through what remained of the crowd, the path clearing away for me easily. So, either I was a sudden celebrity, or there was also a rumor going around that I had HIV. Probably the latter.

I headed out of the building, towards Bastille Hall. In case you don't know your French history, Bastille Hall is named for Bastille Day, which is the French version of Independence Day. Why anyone would name a boys' residence hall that is beyond me. Maybe the name's supposed to be ironic in a way, but I can't figure that one out either.

"Dude!" Carlos hurried up to me from where he had most likely been playing soccer with a bunch of other guys in the courtyard. "People are saying that you and Zach Wilder had a fight in Chancellor Hall, over his girlfriend! Is it true? Did you sleep with Katie Knight?"

Oh no. People were going to bring her in…And now the rumors would be spreading, and her reputation would be ruined. All thanks to her loving boyfriend, who couldn't seem to tell the difference between _protection_ and _suffocation_.

I heaved out a deep sigh. "We had an argument, because Wilder insulted Deana Miller, and then he jumped on me about hanging around his girlfriend, who was in detention with me."

Carlos' eyes widened. "Saint Knight was in detention?"

"_Saint Knight_?" I repeated. "Isn't that a little far-fetched? Or bordering on heresy?"

"Don't know. That's just what some people call her. Or Saint Katie. Or Katie the Saint. Stuff like that."

"Charming," I snorted, continuing on towards Bastille Hall. "And yes, she was in detention."

"Why? What did she do?" he gasped.

"She tried to help Deana Miller with her math, and the teacher caught them and jumped down Katie's throat. She has Mr. Rochester," I added, and Carlos nodded in understanding.

"Oh, gotcha. He's the one who thinks he's a perfect teacher, but only the best students ever seem to pass his class."

"Right, because he doesn't bother to explain stuff. Katie was just trying to be nice."

Carlos shook his head. "Stupid. Just like you getting put in detention for holding Chip's cigarettes for him. It should've been him that got detention, but ohhh nooo. You just had to offer to hold his cigarettes for him when he went to class this morning. And then what happens? You got caught. Smart move, James, real smart."

"I was just trying to be a good friend," I shot back at him. "Besides, I get put in detention almost every day. It's not like this one was going to make a difference."

"Yeah, you're right. The only difference it would've made was that you'd actually have an hour free."

"I pretty much have that hour free, anyway. You know Mrs. Vanderbilt never stays in the room any longer than she has to."

"But you're trapped in there with twenty other kids who you don't even like. Is it really worth it, James? Is it? Was it worth it today?"

I shrugged. "I talked with Katie. So it wasn't a complete waste."

Carlos' eyes widened. "Oh no. Oh nonononono!"

"What?!" I gaped at him in alarm.

"You're not going to go after her, right? Because she's got a boyfriend who would like nothing more than to beat your brains out. Also, she's a good girl. You can't corrupt her!"

I rolled my eyes. "I don't go after girls. They go after me. And don't worry about it, dude. I wouldn't go after her anyway. She has a boyfriend and I respect that. You know I don't hook up with girls who have a boyfriend. It's just not my style."

"Yeah…but…you've kind of been crushing on her since sophomore year…"

"What? I have not!" I protested.

"Uh, yeah, you kind of have. I mean, you're always looking for her. You're always aware if she's in the same room as you."

"I'm not. And how would you know anyway?"

"Because every time she walks into a room, you immediately turn around to look at her. You don't do that with most people. Hell, you don't even do it with me."

"It's just a coincidence," I sniffed as I pushed through the double doors, stepping into the lobby of Bastille Hall.

"Right. Some coincidence. And it's not like she does it too," Carlos snorted sarcastically.

"What? What're you talking about?"

"Okay, you are not that stupid. You know she's just as aware of you as you are of her. She's always looking for you, she always turns around when you enter a room, and her boyfriend has this tendency to shoot you death glares when you walk by."

"Oh. That's why? I always thought it was because I dress better than he does." I shrugged.

Carlos face-palmed. "Yeah, that's definitely not why."

"Whatever. She has a boyfriend, and she's loyal to him. It's not like she's going to do anything that might jeopardize her relationship with him."

"Uh, yeah, she might. Because she did today. By talking to you."

"So? How was she supposed to know that that would upset him?"

"Because she knows him. Because I'm sure she's seen the look on his face when you two lock eyes in the hall – which you do. Don't try to deny it – and she'll know what it means. She knows that he's jealous."

"Look, the guy's practically suffocating her. If she's not even _allowed_ to look at another guy – "

"James, you two have been _looking_ at each other for over two years. Something's got to give."

"Carlos, she's been with him for three years. She hasn't broken up with him. She obviously loves him. I'm just the hot bad boy man whore whose dick she keeps hearing about from her fellow cheerleaders."

Carlos stared at me. "Who exactly have you been banging lately?"

"Not relevant to the conversation."

"Please tell me you haven't slept with Kylie Kennedy since she left the bible in front of your door."

"I haven't."

"Good. Because that girl's the worst hypocrite I've ever seen. Oh, and she's moved on to the preppy nerds."

"And which preppy nerds would those be?"

"Just one. Logan Mitchell."

I raised my eyebrow. "Ah. Your preppy nerd."

"He's not mine!"

"But you want him to be."

Carlos blushed. "I – I – I never said that – "

"You two have pretty much the same relationship that Katie and I do, only you're not on opposite ends of the spectrum."

"James, come on. Besides, he's probably not even gay or bi. That crowd isn't."

"That crowd isn't a lot of things. Interesting is one of them. Fun is another. Their idea of a wild Friday night is sitting around the library, with huge coffees, researching quantum physics."

"That's an exaggeration. I think."

"Katie told me that a 3.5 GPA in her crowd is low."

"Oh. Maybe it's not an exaggeration."

"You think?" I shook my head and walked towards the stairs. "Anyway, let's talk about something other than preppy do-gooders with perfect grades. How was your day?"

"The usual. Mrs. Lansberry wants me to be Bottom in a _Midsummer Night's Dream_. I'm not sure how I feel about that…"

I chuckled. "Oh, Carlitos…"

"Isn't he the court jester?"

I blinked. "No…I think Bottom is the one who ends up with a donkey head."

"Then who's the court jester?" he asked in confusion.

"That would be Puck."

"What the hell kind of name are those, anyway?" he demanded as we mounted the stairs.

"Shakespearean names."

"Apparently. He was insane."

"An insane genius."

"No, just insane."

I chuckled as we reached the second floor. A door was flung open, and out came Chip Carmichael.

"Ah, James, just the person I wanted to see!" he beamed at me.

"You mean, just the person you wanted to thank for saving your scrawny ass?" I suggested.

"Um…yeah…that's what I meant…"

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. I'm never doing it again. I'd rather get a reputation for the stuff I did, instead of the stuff I had nothing to do with."

"Hey, that's cool, man. I just need my cigs back."

I smirked. "Then you better head down to Ms. Carlyle's office."

"What?" he looked at me blankly.

"She's the one who caught me with the cigarettes. Maybe if you're lucky, she'll still have the pack, instead of throwing them out."

"No…why'd you let her take them?!" he yelped.

"Because I really didn't want to get suspended."

"Dude! Not cool!"

"Hey, I didn't sell you out. You're the one who let me take the fall for you."

"And I was going to thank you."

"How?"

"By – by – making you brownies."

"And would those be pot brownies?" I smirked. "Sorry, dude, I don't do drugs. Sex is addicting enough, I don't need to add to it."

Chip glared at me. "You're a prick. Go to hell."

"I can't, it has a restraining order against me. Sorry." With that, I pushed past him and headed down the hall to my room.

Carlos followed me. "Told you he was no good."

"I know, and I believed you."

"Please tell me you're finished with hanging out with him. He makes a rotten friend."

"That he does." I unlocked my door and opened it. We stepped inside and I closed it behind me.

Carlos plopped down on my bed. "You know what really sucks though?"

"What?"

"That you just made another enemy. That's two in the space of – what? – an hour? Maybe thirty minutes?"

I chuckled. "Damn. People don't like me. Whatever will I do?"

"James, I'm serious."

"I know you are. But I'm not you. I don't need people to like me. I'm me, and as long as I'm not completely alone, I'm good to go. So to me, it's not a tragedy that Wilder and Chip are pissed at me. The way I've got it figured, if I ticked off those two, then I must've done something right."

Carlos shook his head. "What am I going to do with you?"

I batted my lashes jokingly at him. "Love me forever?"

"Yeah…sure. That's what I'll do. Get Katie to love you forever."

"Oooh, eternity with Katie. Would there be a bed?" I grinned, falling down onto the mattress next to him.

"Like you need a bed. You seem perfectly happy screwing girls in supply closets," he commented.

I pouted. "It was one time."

"Uh huh. Sure. Anyway, you like the idea of eternity with Katie, don't you?"

"That – oh. Yeah. Maybe."

He grinned. "Do you have a crush on her?"

I snorted. "I don't do crushes."

"Oh, come on…"

"I don't. Crushes are stupid."

"Teenagers get crushes. It's not a bad thing. And crushes can turn into love."

"I also don't do love. I don't do relationships. Period."

"Not even if it's with a petite brunette who people call The Saint?"

"Nope. Especially not with her. I'd just fuck it up. Oh, and remember her boyfriend? The one who hates me?"

"Yeah…"

"Even more reason not to be involved with her. I don't want things to get screwed up between them. Even though I do think something's wrong with him."

"How so?" Carlos asked me curiously.

"I don't know…It's just, he has this possessiveness over her. It's kind of…scary. Creepy scary. Like, if he can't have her, then no one can."

Carlos raised his eyebrows at me. "Now that's interesting."

"I guess. I don't know, it was just the feeling I kept getting off of him. I'm probably wrong."

"Or you could be right. Who knows? I mean, there has to be a reason why she's still with him. It's not like he's the nicest guy out there. In fact, he's kind of a jackass."

I nodded in agreement. "How well do you know him?"

He shrugged. "I know him okay. Obviously we're not close, but we have a few classes together. I don't know, he kind of seems to be a bully."

"You mean besides how he treats his girlfriend?" I asked curiously.

"Yeah. He treats a lot of people pretty badly. It's why I can't figure out why she's still with him. I mean, doesn't she see him treating people like crap?"

"Maybe he's got her wrapped around his finger," I suggested. "She seemed pretty scared about how he was going to react when he found out about her getting detention."

Carlos turned his head to look at me. "Do you think he abuses her?"

"No idea. I hope not…" I bit my lip, a little anxiously.

"Well, if he does, then she'd still be better with you, no matter how you 'fuck it up'. At least you won't abuse her."

"I know. But I doubt he does. I think her brother would notice if that was happening. I mean, everyone says that Kendall's really protective of his little sister," I pointed out. "And I know he looks skinny, but I've seen him play hockey, and I wouldn't want to get on his bad side. Ever. I'd think that Zach would feel the same way."

Carlos nodded in agreement. "Yeah, he doesn't seem stupid enough to do anything to hurt Katie."

"Exactly. So I wouldn't be too worried about it." I sat up and scooted back, leaning against my pillows. "Tell me why I shouldn't do my homework. Give me a reason. I need a reason."

"I don't have a reason."

"Damn it." With a sigh, I opened my book bag and pulled out my homework. "You're a lousy rebellious friend."

"I'm not a rebellious friend, that's why I'm so lousy at it."

"Ah, that'd explain it."

"Yep."

I shook my head and began to work through my history homework. About fifteen minutes into it, there was a knock on the door. Carlos looked at me over the top of his biology textbook, and I shrugged at him. I slid off my bed and crossed the room, opening the door.

Katie stood there, holding a covered pan. "Hi, James," she chirped.

"Katie…hey. What're you doing here?"

"Well, it turned out that I still had red velvet cupcakes from last weekend, when I visited my mom. And I thought of you!"

"That's really sweet of you," I told her, leaning against the doorframe, "but what's the occasion?"

She shuffled her feet awkwardly. "Well…I feel bad about how Zach treated you earlier. It was really rude of him. He's not normally like that, but he was in a bad mood, and he took it out on you. I tried to get him to come over here and apologize, but he has a lot of homework, so I thought I'd do it for him."

"Oh. Well, that's really nice of you, but you shouldn't have to apologize for him. If he wants to apologize, he'll do it himself. So don't waste your cupcakes on me."

She blinked at me. "I'm not wasting my cupcakes on you! I want you to have them. You deserve them. After what everyone says about you, you deserve to have something nice."

Carlos got to his feet. "Wow, you really are a sweetheart. I'm Carlos, by the way. I'm a friend of James'."

Katie smiled at him as he came into view. "Hi! I've seen you around! I'm Katie Knight!" she balanced the pan in one hand and held out the other hand for him to shake. He took her hand.

"Nice to meet you," he replied, smiling back at her. "I heard you got detention today."

She ducked her head, an ashamed look crossing her face. "Oh no…does everyone know?"

"Um…I don't know," he admitted. "I think a lot of people know, at least."

"Oh my gosh…" she whimpered, bottom lip trembling like it had earlier.

"But – but – it's not really a big deal. If anything, this'll make people like you even more," Carlos tried to assure her.

"How?" she sniffled.

"Well…it'll make you seem more like them."

"I'm a freak?!" she wailed.

I took the pan of cupcakes from her and passed them to Carlos, before putting my arm around her shoulders and leading her into the room. I closed the door behind us and brought her over to my bed, making her sit down on it.

She wiped at her eyes. "I'm – I'm sorry," she sniffed. "You guys probably think I'm crazy. I know I shouldn't worry so much about what people thing, but I can't help it. I don't want people to think I'm weird."

"No, I didn't mean that you're weird," Carlos said quickly. "I just meant – I mean, you're super smart and super focused. So I think you intimidate some people."

I nodded in agreement. "I mean, your grades alone are pretty insane."

She looked up at me, still sniffling. "You think so?"

"I know so."

She attempted a watery smile. "You're so sweet. I don't know why you have such a bad reputation."

"I thought we went over this in detention," I smiled back at her. "I'm a troublemaker and I sleep around."

"Yeah…but still. Everyone talks about you like you're a monster, and you're really not. You're actually a sweetheart."

I'm not sure, but I think I almost blushed. "I'm really not. I just don't like seeing girls cry."

"See? You're not a bad guy. Not in the least."

I shook my head. "Well, thanks for the cupcakes. But seriously, you don't need to apologize for your boyfriend."

"But I want to."

"But it's not your responsibility," I pointed out. "How did you find out where my room was anyway?"

She shrugged. "I asked a girl on the cheerleading team who I knew you slept with. She gave me your room number."

"Please tell me it wasn't Kylie Kennedy…"

She shook her head. "Don't worry, it wasn't. It was Amanda Shelby."

"Oh, okay."

"Yeah. So, I should probably get going. I have lots of homework. I'll see you later."

"Hopefully not in detention," I joked as I walked her to the door.

She smiled at me. "Yeah, no offense, but unlike you, I don't want to make getting detention a daily routine."

I gaped at her in mock horror. "But it's so much fun!"

"Yeah, and I'm sure dropping fireworks into toilets is fun too, but you wouldn't want to do it on a regular basis, right?"

"Maybe. It might get boring after awhile…but until then…"

She shook her head, laughing. "Maybe I'll see you in the cafeteria. It was nice finally meeting you."

"You too," I smiled at her again. "Good luck with your homework."

"You too! And enjoy the cupcakes! If you ever want anymore, just come and find me. I'm usually in the library in the evenings so I shouldn't be too hard to find."

I chuckled. "Of course you are. Well, I'll come and get you if I get a sudden craving for them."

"Sounds good!" With a wide smile, she waved at Carlos, and then turned and almost skipped out of my room.

"She's so cute!" Carlos squealed. "And really sweet. But damn, she's high strung. I would not want to be her. She's, like, type A personality to the max."

"Right? It's almost freaky."

"I would not want to be her."

"Same."

We continued to work through our homework. It was past seven by the time we finished and headed downstairs and out of the building, towards the Recreational Hall, where the cafeteria was located.

I automatically began looking around for Katie, and quickly spotted her. She was sitting at her usual table across the room from where Carlos and our friends usually sat, with her brother, her boyfriend, and her friends.

Carlos' eyes immediately went to Logan Mitchell, one of the resident geniuses.

"He's so sexy in his sweater vest," Carlos sighed dreamily.

"Oh man…you need help," I informed him as I headed over to the line to get food.

"Please. You're practically in love with the queen of type A personalities. What does that say about you?"

"Nothing, because I'm not in love with her."

"Puh-leeze. You can't keep your eyes off of her. You've never been able to."

"So?"

"So, it goes beyond attraction, beyond the average crush. Come on, James, you know it does. Why can't you just admit it?"

"Because you're insane?"

"You're in denial."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Amnotamnotamnot!"

"Aretooaretooaretoo!"

I growled and grabbed a burrito, placing it on a plate. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"And neither do you."

"Why don't you go try to talk to Logan Mitchell?"

Carlos' face paled. "I can't – I can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"What if he doesn't like me?" he whimpered. "What if he thinks I'm hitting on him?"

"You will be."

He gasped. "No I won't be!"

"Uh, yeah, you will be. You want to woo him, right?"

He snorted. "Woo? What is this, _Romeo and Juliet_?"

"Or something much more epic than that. Your dream love story." I grinned at him. "Wouldn't you love that?"

He fidgeted. "N-no…"

"Liar. You so do."

"I should have never told you about Logan."

"Au contraire. It was obvious from the way you looked at him. I knew at once."

"You didn't!"

"Did too."

"Hmmph."

I chuckled and finished loading my plate with food. Carlos did too, and we headed over to our usual table.

"So," one of our friends, Dak Zevon said. "You corrupted Katie Knight. Nice work, Diamond."

I rolled my eyes. "I didn't corrupt her. She's incorruptible. She got thrown in detention because her math teacher's a jackass. And believe me, nothing happened."

"Really? That's not what I heard."

My eyebrows shot up, as Jett Stetson, another friend of ours, sat down with us. "What're we talking about?"

"James corrupting Katie Knight," Dak grinned.

"Oh yeah. She was seen coming out of your dorm room," Jett said to me.

"Yeah, she felt bad about the way her boyfriend laid into me, so she dropped off a pan of cupcakes."

"Oh, well, that would explain it."

"Why? What did you hear?"

"That she asked one of the girls you've hooked up with where your room was, and then she disappeared into your room and didn't come out for awhile."

I snorted. "Bullshit. She was in my room for maybe fifteen minutes, tops."

"Long enough for a quickie," Dak commented.

"Maybe, but we didn't have one. We just talked. Carlos was there too, he can verify."

Carlos nodded. "Nothing happened. James was nothing but a gentleman to her. I was impressed."

I rolled my eyes. "Why does everyone assume that I'm a pig?"

"Because you are?" Jett suggested.

"Whatever." I stabbed angrily at a burrito. "It's not fair. I don't want Katie to get an unfair reputation all because her boyfriend's a stupid fuck."

"I know, it's not fair," Carlos agreed sympathetically.

I sighed. "And she's with Zach Wilder. So nothing would have happened anyway."

"Speaking of Wilder, he doesn't look too happy," Jett commented, nodding towards the table that Katie was sitting at.

I looked up, and sure enough, Wilder was giving me a nasty look. As our eyes met, he cracked his knuckles threateningly, and I almost swallowed hard. Something told me that, if he could, he would make my life a living hell. But what he didn't know was that I had already lived through a living hell. So bring it on, Wilder, bring it on.

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_**So, the first thing I'm going to say (because I like talking at the end of the chapter) is that obviously my usual bad guys (*cough* Jett *cough*) isn' my usual bad guy! And I also brought Dak in, which I've never done before, but hopefully I wrote both characters okay. I know Katie's still extremely OOC, but like I said before, she has reasons for it.**_

_**Anyway, I would love hearing what you think about this chapter, so feel free (i.e. please do) to review :) I love reading your reviews and getting to see your guys' reactions to stuff and your opinions and theories, it always makes my day that much better, and I won't lie, I sometimes get ideas from your reviews. :)**_


	3. Chapter 3 Confusion and Determination

**_Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever, owned Big Time Rush or anything that is recognizable in this story._**

**_Caitlin rose: Thank you for your reviews for both chapters one and two! I'm so happy you're enjoying the story so far, and I'm sorry for the wait._**

**_guest: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you like it :) And thank you for reviewing!_**

**_Taylor: Thank you very much! Yay! You're so sweet :) And thank you for taking the time to review!_**

**_THANK YOU to everyone who has already taken the time to read, follow, favorite, or review this story! I'm constantly blown away by the response to "Anywhere But Here", but it's a good kind of blown away, so thank you :)_**

**_A/N: So, I was originally planning on updating over the weekend, but I got busy and kept putting it off. So now it's Monday, and I'm finally updating. I'm so sorry for the wait, and I'll try to update sooner next time. And I know some of you are probably wondering about updates for my other stories. I'm working on them, I am, but "Break the Ice" is being a brat and "Take the Heat" doesn't want to get written and I'm putting off finishing the epilogue for "Touch the Flame" because I'm going to be really sad when it's officially over. And "Haunted Revenge" is "Haunted Revenge" and is being a pain in the ass per usual, so...But hopefully something else will get updated this week :)_**

**_Warnings: Language and sexual innuendos_**

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**Chapter Three - Confusion and Determination**

**Katie's POV**

"We need to talk," Zach informed me as he sat down across from me at the library table. It was later that evening, after dinner, and I was slogging through a paper for my economics class that was supposed to be extra credit, in case I didn't do perfect on the midterm or final..

"About what?" I asked him as I continued taking notes from the book I was going through.

"Us. And James Diamond. Especially James Diamond."

I raised my eyebrows at him, but didn't stop moving my pen across the notebook page. "Okay, what about us and James Diamond?"

"Are you really so bored with us that you have to go to James Diamond for excitement?"

I paused, my pen resting in my hand. "What're you talking about, Zach?"

"Well, there's gotta be a reason why you're gravitating towards James Diamond."

"Zach." I sighed out his name. "I'm not gravitating towards him. I told you what happened in detention. We talked. He was nice. And if you hadn't insulted his friend, and then insulted him, I wouldn't have been at his dorm room anyway."

"Right. Because you decided that I was a child who you needed to apologize for." Zach leaned back in his chair, arms crossed.

"No! That's not why. You know I don't like it when people get insulted and I felt bad for him. I mean, he and his friends get called weird on a daily basis, and he always gets called a man whore. It's really not fair, especially since he's so sweet."

Zach snorted. "Katie, boys like him only want one thing from girls. Believe me, he's not really sweet. If he's acting like it to you, then it's because he wants to get into your pants."

"He knows I'm with you," I replied simply, before turning back to my notes, and working on drawing stock market graphs.

"So? He's a man whore. I doubt he has the morals and values to back off of a girl who's in a committed relationship to another guy."

I rolled my eyes. "He had enough morals and values to stand up for Deana Miller, when you were insulting her and putting down actors and actresses everywhere in the world."

Zach stared at me. "Where is this all coming from? You never argue with me."

"I argue with you…"

"No, you don't. You always agree with me."

"I don't always agree with you."

He nodded firmly. "Yes, you do. You're acting so weird today. First detention, then going into a strange boy's dorm – "

"I told you what happened with detention, and you know why I went to James' dorm room! Look, maybe I shouldn't have gone to his dorm room, since it bothers you so much, but I was just trying to be a good person!"

"Katie, you're practically an angel. You couldn't be a better person if you tried. Believe me, trying to apologize for me is not going to help you win extra karma points."

"This isn't about karma!" I cried, staring at him in complete shock, the pen freezing on the paper. "You think I do all this so that good things will happen to me?"

"Well, why else would you do it?" he wanted to know.

"Maybe to make people happy? Ever think about that?"

He blinked. "Are you serious? That's it?"

"That's it? There has to be more to it?"

"Uh…yeah. Otherwise you're not human."

My eyes narrowed, and I slammed the textbook shut, stuffing my notebook and pen into my bed, and scooping the book up. I could study just as well in my room, where I could lock him out.

"Oh, come on, Katie," he protested. "Don't be like that. It was just a simple comment."

"People don't just say stuff, Zach. You meant something by it. And you're acting like a jerk. I don't want to be around you if you're going to be like that. Come and see me when you feel like being a decent human being."

"Katie." He caught my hand as I got to my feet. "Why are you getting so upset over this?"

"Because you're being a jerk. I don't want to be around people who are jerks and treat me badly."

"You're just being overly sensitive." He tried to pull me towards him, but I resisted.

"Maybe I am, but you're still being a bully. I'm leaving. I'll see you later."

"Oh, come on, Katie," he pleaded, but I just glared at him, hitched my messenger bag over my shoulder, and hurried out of the library. I was so furious that I wasn't even paying any attention to where I was going. I wasn't even really seeing anything, so I didn't see the thing that I collided with. All I know is that one second I was hastening along, and the next, I had run right into what felt like a wall, bouncing right off of it.

The weird thing is, the wall caught me before I could fall.

"Are you all right?" I heard James ask, and I realized my eyes were closed. I opened them to look up at his face.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine." My gosh, did I always stutter?

"Good. You were going pretty fast, you caught me by surprise." He peered down at me worriedly. "Are you okay? You look upset."

I stepped back, out of his grip. "No, no, I'm fine. Just, you know, got a lot on my mind."

"Well…okay. Hey, thanks for the cupcakes. I still don't think you should've had to apologize for that boyfriend of yours, but the cupcakes are pretty amazing."

I gave him a weak smile. "Good, I'm glad. Um, listen, I don't want to be rude, but I really need to get to my room. Studying and stuff."

"Ah, okay. Well, enjoy."

"I'll try – "

At that moment, Zach came rushing out of the library. "Oh, so you left to meet up with him?"

"What?" I stared at him. "No! I left to get away from you!"

"You just met him five hours ago and already you're ditching me for him!"

"Hey, she ran into me. She was just leaving when you showed up," James broke in. "Look, I don't know what your problem with me is, or if you act like this around other guys, but you need to chill."

"I don't need to chill. You just need to leave Katie alone."

"I'm not the one who she's trying to get away from."

"I'm not the man whore."

"I'm not the one pissing her off. And excellent retort. It's so overdone it almost sounds original."

"Dude, why don't you go fuck something?"

"Congratulations, your insults are improving. Why don't you go nag at the wall?"

"Why don't you – "

"Stop it!" I cried. "Zach, James wasn't doing anything. Why do you have to keep jumping all over him? He hasn't done anything wrong. Please, just go away. I don't want to have to deal with you tonight."

"Oh, so now you have to _deal_ with me? Wow, some girlfriend you are."

"You're being a brat," I said to him, almost pleadingly, my throat catching slightly. I felt like I was about to start crying from anger and frustration and embarrassment. _Why_ did he have to act this way? "I just can't handle you tonight. I'm tired and I have a lot of homework I need to get through and you're not helping any."

"Well, maybe if _he_ wouldn't show up everywhere you go…Blame it on him! This isn't my fault!"

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" I cried. "Please just go."

"Why do I have to leave?" he demanded.

"Forget it! I'll leave!" I pushed past the two boys and took off down the hall, breaking out into a run. I crashed through the Chancellor Hall doors, gasping as I breathed in the fresh air.

"Katie!"

I spun around to find Zach hurrying towards me.

"Go away!"

"No. Look, I'm sorry." He stopped in front of me. "I didn't mean to upset you. You were right, I was being a jerk to you, and I'm sorry for that."

"You don't trust me either," I added, my voice hitching slightly.

"No, I do, I do," he assured me, taking my hand in his. "It's just, it's James Diamond. He sleeps around, with any girl he can get his hands on. And I don't know what I would do if that girl was you. It would break my heart. You know I love you, Katie. I can't live without you."

"Really?" I asked him, my bottom lip trembling. "You really mean all that? You're not just saying it?"

"I promise you, Kat, I mean all of it. I'd do anything for you."

I smiled a little, and he smiled back.

"So, will you stay away from James Diamond?" he asked me, and I bit my lip.

"I – I guess…I mean, we don't have any classes together. We didn't even meet until today, so what does that tell you? I don't think we'll even see each other very much. He'll be busy with his stuff, and I'll be busy with mine. We don't even run in different circles."

Zach smiled in relief. "That's good. I know you like to see the best in people, Katie, but he's not a good guy, believe me."

"I – I guess – "

"Believe me, he's not. You couldn't pay me enough to do some of the stuff he does. I mean, what kind of person doesn't have enough morals to even wait to be committed to someone before they sleep with someone?"

"Ummm…"

"Exactly. You don't have an answer for it."

"Well…no…I guess not…"

"Because you know I'm right."

"I – I guess…" It didn't sound right, but I didn't feel like arguing with him anymore.

"Good. Now, why don't we go do our homework together? You can help me with my geometry," he looked at me hopefully, and I giggled.

"Okay. Sounds good."

"Good. My little genius," he said fondly, wrapping his arms around me.

I giggled again, leaning into him, and he bent down, kissing me softly. I kissed him back, already feeling so much better than I had five minutes ago. I had definitely been overreacting. I could totally understand why he wouldn't want me around James. If there had been a gorgeous girl who was known for putting out and she kept hanging out with Zach, I'd be jealous and upset too.

He pulled back after a few seconds, smiling at me again. "Ready to head back to your dorm to study?"

I nodded. "Yep. Let's go."

He kept his arm wrapped securely around me as we moved across the courtyard.

I'm not sure what made me turn around; I guess I felt eyes on me. I turned my head around and saw a dark, somewhat familiar figure standing in the doorway of Chancellor Hall, and I felt my stomach clench slightly: James.

His face was shadowed, but I had the oddest feeling that if I could see his eyes, he would have a hurt expression on his face. I wasn't sure why I felt like that, but I just somehow knew that he would have, that he did. And suddenly, I didn't feel so reassured or cheerful anymore. Instead, my stomach clenched again, and I felt absolutely awful, like I had just broken his heart.

I let Zach lead me away, to my dorm, where we spent the rest of the night, until curfew, doing homework, but I could barely concentrate – my mind kept going back to James. At first it was just how he looked in the doorway, shadowed, face practically invisible, but before long, he was coming into my mind in other forms too. For a split second, instead of Zach sitting beside me, it was James, and he was reaching over to run his hand over my thigh.

"Are you okay?" Zach asked me when I jumped slightly, and I nodded.

"Y-yeah. I'm just – yeah. Sorry, I'm getting kind of woozy. It's been a long day, you know?"

He nodded. "Oh yeah, of course."

"And – " I checked the time on my phone " – it's curfew, you should be heading out." I pecked his lips and he got to his feet.

"See you tomorrow," he told me.

"See you tomorrow."

He left, and I closed and locked my dorm room door behind him. I changed into my pajamas and crawled into bed, yawning. I was so tired, so ready for this day to be over. Nevertheless, the second I closed my eyes, James popped into my head.

Tall. Dark. Brooding. The ultimate bad boy. The epitome of sexiness.

I fell asleep thinking about him.

And guess what?

He made a guest appearance in my dreams, which turned into a lead role.

Zach wasn't didn't even show up. It was just James…All James…

I felt beyond guilty in the morning as I went through my usual routine. Dreams usually meant something. At least, that's what everyone said. And I had a feeling that this dream meant that I wanted James…in more ways than one. In ways that I couldn't even honestly say I wanted Zach.

I forced myself to go down to the cafeteria for breakfast, where I automatically began searching James out. He wasn't there yet, which seemed like a good sign. Maybe I wouldn't have to see him at all today.

I got a bowl of cereal and joined the only friend who had showed up yet. The others usually took forever to get down to breakfast, so a lot of times I didn't even see them until class or lunch.

Logan looked up at me from his calculus textbook. "You look a little frazzled," he commented as I sat down beside him. "Rough night?"

I fought back a blush. "Yeah…weird dreams."

"Ah. Well, if you have normal dreams, then I think you'll be the first person in the history of the universe."

I chuckled. "It was just about someone who I didn't expect."

Logan slowly lowered his textbook, eyebrows shooting up. "A sex dream?"

I actually did blush this time. "N-n-no!"

"You're stuttering. You had a sex dream!"

"Be quiet!" I hissed at him. "There are other people around, you know!"

"All right, all right, sorry. So…a sex dream? That wasn't about Zach?"

I fidgeted uncomfortably. "I cheated on him, didn't I?"

Logan eyed me. "Depends on whether or not you did anything with whoever this guy is in real life."

"I haven't!"

"That's good. I know Zach is a little…controlling…and I wouldn't blame you for wanting to break free, but cheating isn't the way to do it."

"I know, and I wouldn't cheat on him, no matter what."

"That's even better."

"But what do sex dreams about other people mean?"

"Hmmm…you could just need a break from Zach. You might be attracted to this person. You might be rebelling against Zach. You might actually want to sleep with this person."

"Oh." I looked down despondently into my bowl, watching as my _Rice Krispies_ floated on the surface of the milk.

"Which one do you think it is?" Logan asked softly, and I looked up at him in surprise, almost a little scared.

"I – I don't know."

"Bull. You do know."

"Well, it's not like it means anything. I love Zach, and I'm not going to dump him for someone who couldn't ever feel the same way about me. He's the one I'm meant to be with, not this other guy."

"Well, all right. If that's what you believe."

"It's what I _know_."

He shrugged. "Okay. I'm not arguing with you. Do what you need to."

"I will."

"Good for you." He turned back to his calc textbook, leaving me to my thoughts.

I was almost finished with my cereal when I suddenly lifted my eyes towards the door, and could see what had caught my attention immediately.

James and his friend – Carlos, right? – had just come into the cafeteria. James looked beyond hot, with his hair disheveled, and a sleepy look still on his face. His clothes were a little rumpled, like he had literally rolled out of bed, picked his clothes up off of the floor, and thrown them on. In fact, I was willing to bet that he had done just that, considering it looked like he hadn't even bothered to run a comb through his hair. But the unkempt look suited him.

The school uniform consists of dark blue and black colors, with a dark blue and black plaid skirt for the girls, a white button up shirt, and dark blue and black striped tie, and either a dark blue or black blazer. Shoes could be either white, dark blue, or black, and we could wear either knee socks, leggings, pantyhose, tights, or even fishnets. I usually stuck with a dark blue blazer, black sneakers or heels and, depending on the weather, knee socks, black pantyhose, or black tights. I couldn't imagine myself wearing fishnet stockings. Some girls could pull it off, but I would probably look beyond tacky in them.

The girls who could pull the fishnet stockings off were the ones who James tended to sleep with.

James…

Black pants…white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his forearms…an untied tie…and black shoes. The blazer wasn't mandatory, since it was really just to keep the students warm when it got cold, which was probably why James had chosen to leave it off this morning. But still…he hadn't even bothered to tie his tie.

And damn it. He looked good like that.

His eyes roamed the cafeteria until they landed on me. For a long moment, our eyes locked, zoning into each others', but then he blinked and looked away, and I did my best not to let out a disappointed sigh.

I watched out of the corner of my eye as James headed over to the food line to grab breakfast. He was almost to the front when a blonde girl came up to him and said something to him. He replied, and she gave him a flirty smile.

_Come on, you look like you're twelve_. My eyes widened a little at the rather abrasive thought. I mean, it was true, she did look young; she was definitely a freshman. But still, that was kind of a mean thought to have, especially about a girl who actually didn't look that young. She probably was about fourteen, and she looked it.

What the heck was wrong with me?

As I watched, James began to chat with her, and she gave him a smile that practically glowed.

Eventually, it appeared that they were wrapping up their conversation, since James was gesturing to the food, probably saying that he needed to eat.

She nodded, paused, and then reached into her bag and pulled out a tube of lipstick. My jaw dropped as she grabbed his arm and wrote something across the back of his hand.

_Slut_.

I almost gasped aloud at that thought. I didn't call people names, except for _jerk_ and _bully_, when they were being one, and I certainly didn't call girls _sluts_ because they wrote something on a guy's hand. But she wrote it in lipstick. In _lipstick_. Come on, that made all the difference. Good girls don't write stuff on guys' hands in lipstick. And they don't write it on the guys' hands either. They use paper and a pen or a pencil, like a normal human being. Only sluts commandeered guys' hands for paper and used lipstick instead of a pen.

And here was solid proof.

James said something out to the blonde, and she nodded, smiling widely, before hurrying off.

I decided that I really disliked girls like her. Throwing yourself at a guy like James Diamond…What did she think she was going to catch, beside STDs?

I clapped my hand to my mouth. Oh my gosh, what was wrong with me? Why couldn't I stop the mean, nasty thoughts this morning? I'm never this mean, I swear! I had no idea what was wrong with me! It shouldn't even have bothered me that the blonde freshman was flirting with James. And yet…it did. But it was absolutely ridiculous. I had no claims to him whatsoever, and I didn't want to. I knew what he was like, Zach had reminded me the night before. Speaking of Zach, I had him. A boyfriend. I shouldn't have been getting upset over a girl flirting with another guy.

But the guy was James Diamond.

Womanizer extraordinaire.

I was just looking out for my fellow females, and shaking my head at the stupid ones. That was all, nothing more, nothing less. And the dream from last night had absolutely nothing to do with my feelings towards him right now. Nothing in the least. It was just a stupid dream. It's not like it actually meant anything. It was just that James had been on my mind for most of the day, Zach had hammered into my head how…free…with sex James was, and my subconscious turned it into something completely different and twisted.

Yes. That was exactly what had happened. I was positive about it. I was definitely, one hundred percent sure, not attracted to James Diamond.

So how come, when he looked over at me as he moved across the room, did my heart start drumming away in my ears, and my body begin tingling in places that I didn't even know could tingle?

With a deep breath, I gathered my bowl and spoon up and carried it over to the huge bucket where everyone dumped their dirty dishes, dropped them in, and walked back to the table. I hitched my messenger back across my chest, said "bye" to Logan, and hurried off, out of the cafeteria.

What was wrong with me?

Yesterday, I hadn't even _spoken_ to James Diamond. And now he was popping up into my dreams in ways that made me want to know what was under his rumpled school uniform, and hear how his voice sounded when he first woke up in the morning. Now, I was getting angry when a girl flirted with him, and was closing in on heart attacks whenever he looked at me. And no matter how much I reminded myself that I had Zach, the guy I had been dating for three years, the guy who would do anything for me, who loved me unconditionally, who was absolutely terrified that I would ditch him just to hook up with another guy, I couldn't make myself stop thinking about him. It was like James Diamond had been engraved straight into my brain like a tattoo on my skin, a permanent image that refused to budge no matter how much I tried to cover it up.

There was nothing I could do about it, except hope that it would fade.

And with that thought, I headed off to homeroom, hoping desperately that I could successfully avoid James, and not get myself thrown in detention again.

* * *

_**So, what'd you guys think of the chapter? Katie finally got her say in, though it's not exactly what she wanted ;P Poor girl's confused out of her mind...**_

_**Anyway, I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this chapter, so please review :) I've said it before, but it's true - it always makes my day that much better when I read your reviews and your theories and your thoughts on my stories.**_

**_On another note, Jatieluv and I would both appreciate it big time if you guys could check out our JatieFantasy stories "Five Years" and "Family Bites" :) It'd mean the world to us!_**


	4. Chapter 4 Prejudices and Assumptions

_**Disclaimer: Let's think about this for a second. If I owned Big Time Rush, why would I be writing Jatie fanfiction? Clearly, I don't own Big Time Rush.**_

_**KnylonMaslow: Aww, thank you! I'm sorry for the wait for chapter three and for this chapter, but I hope it'll be worth it :) And thank you for reviewing, I really appreciate it.**_

_**CuriosityCat: (Love your name, btw) Thank you so much! I'm so happy you're enjoying it :) Aww, thanks! And thank you for taking the time to review :)**_

_**Taylor: Thank you! And thank you for your review :)**_

_**THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, followed, or read "Anywhere But Here". Your support means the world to me, and I don't know what I'd do without it. So thank you :)**_

_**A/N: Basically, the A/N is going to consist of me apologizing. I'm so, so sorry for the late update! I had the chapter written, I just got busy and then I got lazy and then I got busy and then I got lazy again. The last two weeks have been emotionally exhausting, but no excuse. I'll do my best to push myself into getting the next chapter up much sooner. The same goes for my other stories - I'm working on the next chapters, I just need to finish them off. Also, if anyone's interested, I just posted a one shot collection, since I love writing one shots but they're starting to clog up my profile. I also posted a separate one shot a few days ago called "Faking It". Just, you know, thought I'd do some self-advertisement ;P**_

_**Anyway, I'll shut up now.**_

_**Warnings: Language and sexual references**_

_**Enjoy the chapter :)**_

* * *

**Chapter Four – Prejudices and Assumptions**

**Katie's POV (Cont.)**

Apparently desperately hoping wasn't working in my favor that day.

In trig, Mr. Rochester was being his usual grouchy, unhelpful self. As a result, no one was really understanding what he was saying, and I once more took it upon myself to explain, as quietly as I could, everything that they were confused about.

Mr. Rochester must have seen my lips moving, because the next thing I knew, he was towering over me, forcing me to look up at him.

"So, talking in class and cheating? Detention again, Miss Knight. And since this is the second day in a row that I have caught you, let's make it detention for the rest of the week. How does that sound?"

Unfair. Beyond unfair.

"But – but – " I stuttered out. "You don't understand! It's not what it looks like!"

He snorted skeptically. "It never is, Miss Knight. Get back to work, and keep your eyes on your own paper and your mouth shut."

This was so unfair. No one else was getting detention, and they were the ones who were technically 'cheating'. I was just trying to help them. So why was I getting into trouble?

I swear, Mr. Rochester had it out for me. I could just imagine the look on Zach's face when he heard that I had once more gotten detention. And then there was James…What were the chances that he hadn't gotten thrown in detention?

Hopefully pretty good.

But what were the chances that he wouldn't end up in detention for the rest of the week?

Less than zero.

Yeah, there was no way I was going to be able to avoid him, no matter what I had promised Zach.

And not only that, but a whole week of detentions would be on my permanent record. Harvard wasn't going to take me after that. Well, probably not…Unless I could win them over in my interview with them next year. Plus, I could do volunteer work. I mean, I already did, but I could do more than usual. It would look amazing on my application.

But…oh no! I had already missed cheerleading practice yesterday, and there was no way I would be able to make it for the rest of the week. Jo Taylor, the cheerleading captain, would probably kick me off the squad for not being able to attend practices. She was my brother's girlfriend and we got along really well, but she couldn't afford to let biases get in the way of her position.

So, not only would I possibly lose any chance of getting into Harvard because of Mr. Rochester, I would also lose my position on the squad.

How could he hate me so much? It just didn't make any sense. What had I done to upset him, to make him mad?

I continued to avoid Zach through the next few hours. I wasn't ready to tell him about detention, even though I knew he would doubtlessly hear about it from other sources.

I managed to flag down Jo on the way to the cafeteria for lunch.

"What's up?" she asked me, smiling as I approached.

I shuffled my feet. "I – I can't make it to cheerleading practice again…not for the rest of the week." I looked down at the ground, my voice slowly quieting down to a whisper.

Jo frowned and grabbed my hand, tugging me away from the people moving around us towards their next classes, cafeteria, or library. She pulled me into the nearest girls' bathroom, and turned to me.

"You never miss practice," Jo commented, her voice gentle. "Yesterday was the first time, because you got detention."

I stared at the bathroom floor tiles, not wanting to look up into her eyes. I was sure her warm brown eyes would glimmer with disappointment when I told her. "I got it again," I mumbled. "For the rest of the week."

"Mr. Rochester again?"

"Yeah," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, Katie, it's not your fault. Every year, he chooses one student to pick on."

"Why me?" I asked, finally looking up at her.

"I don't know. He has his own reasons."

"Who was it last year?"

"James Diamond," she shrugged. "But that was to be expected. A lot of teachers go after him. I mean, he's James Diamond."

"Oh. Yeah, of course."

"I mean, I don't think he deserves that," Jo continued on. "We have a couple of classes together, and he's always seemed nice. I get that a lot of people don't like him because he sleeps around, but he's not the only guy who does that. The guys on the football team do it, and so do some of the guys on the hockey team. I don't think it's fair that it's perfectly okay when _they_ do it, but the second someone else does it, he gets called names and gets treated like crap."

"But he takes it to an extreme."

"Does he?"

I nodded. "You always hear about him getting caught with some girl, or him breaking her heart."

"He doesn't sneak around. And the girls sell him out."

I shook my head. "No they don't. Everyone knows that he's a man whore."

Jo stared at me. "Since when do you use the word _whore_? You hate it."

"But it's true, isn't it?"

"Okay, this isn't you. Come on, Katie, you don't really believe that, I can see it in your eyes."

"Zach says – "

"Zach may be your boyfriend, but he isn't perfect. He doesn't know everything about everyone, and frankly, I'm a little surprised that you're willing to believe the worst in someone all because of what _Zach says_." She pursed her lips. "Make sure you're at practice next week," she said to me in a clipped tone, before hitching her book bag higher up on her shoulder and turning, stalking out of the bathroom and leaving me alone.

I sighed, leaning against the nearest sink. She was right. I was being prejudiced and a hypocrite. I barely knew James, and yet I was willing to make all these assumptions about him based on what Zach said, even though James had been perfectly nice to me the day before. I had actually managed to talk myself into thinking badly of him simply because I didn't want to like him – because of what it could mean if I did. And I didn't want to think of that option. It didn't fit into my life plan, and that didn't sit well with me.

It was like I had told James the day before: I had had my life planned out since I was eight years old. Up until yesterday, only one thing had gone wrong, and I had used it to push me towards my goal even more forcefully.

Even being slightly attracted to the school's bad boy wasn't going to be added to the bullet points for my life I had scribbled down in a notebook one day in third grade when I had finished my math assignment and was bored, wishing recess would hurry up and get there already.

It hadn't been a big deal when we would just glance at each other in the halls or across the cafeteria, maybe holding each other's gaze for a few seconds. We ran in completely different circles, and were in different grades. The chances of us actually ever getting around to introducing ourselves to each other had been pretty much slim to none. And then I had gotten thrown in detention, and we were closer to each other than we had ever been, except for the rare occasion when we would pass each other in the middle of a crowded hall and were pushed together.

He had been so close…And I had heard so much about him, but I had been curious as to whether or not the rumors had any truth to them. So I had approached him, thinking that it might be interesting to talk to him for a few minutes. And then Mrs. Vanderbilt had left the room, throwing a slightly wrench in my plans. We had ended up spending the next forty minutes talking, and I had found myself wanting to continue spending time with him. But then he and Zach had ended up fighting, and Zach had made it very clear that he didn't like James, and he had a legitimate reason.

The truth was, James was a danger to Zach's and my relationship, and Zach refused to let anything get in the way of us. And if I was going to be attracted to James, then I had to fight it; I had to fight for Zach's and my relationship. It was one of the most important things in my life, and nothing could change that.

But…what if I accidentally hurt James' feelings?

I didn't want to do that, not ever. I would feel even worse if that happened, and the idea of hurting him made my stomach twist and turn and clench painfully. I couldn't do that to him.

With a sigh, I exited the bathroom, heading to the cafeteria. I grabbed a sandwich and sat down at the usual table with the others.

"Zach?" I said to him as I slid into the seat next to his.

"Hey," he smiled at me, and pecked my lips. "How's class been so far?"

"I got detention from Mr. Rochester again," I told him. "For the rest of the week."

He frowned. "But you promised me you wouldn't get detention again."

"I know, I didn't mean to. Mr. Rochester just doesn't like me."

"Katie, everyone likes you."

"He doesn't."

"And how're you going to get into Harvard or Yale now?" Zach demanded. "You have a week of detention! How is that going to look on your transcript?"

"It might make her look human," Kendall spoke up. "Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, and I'm sure the admissions people at all those colleges will understand that she was off her game for a week. And the amount of volunteer work and extra-curriculars that she does should definitely make up for a week of detention once in her junior year of high school."

Zach narrowed his eyes. "So, you're actually okay with her getting detention?"

"How do I put this politely?" Kendall said, tapping his fingers against his chin. "Fuck yeah, I'm okay with it. She doesn't ever mess up, and half the time it feels like she has a charmed life. So it's nice to know that she's not perfect. I just wish she'd gotten to do something fun in order to get detention."

Zach shook his head. "You're a lousy role model for her."

"I'm not trying to be a good role model. I just want her to have fun. I don't think she's actually had fun since she was eleven."

"Bullshit. She's had plenty of fun with me."

"Yeah," Camille spoke up, "because sucking face with you looks like the time of her life."

My face heated up. "Camille…"

"And I say that with a strong dose of sarcasm," she continued on. "Because, in all honesty, I don't know what she sees in you. She's a sweetie, and you're a complete ass."

Lucy Stone, a girl who I had seen hanging out with James and Carlos, passed by us as Camille said that. She snorted, and quipped, "Well, you know what they say about opposites attracting."

Camille shrugged. "Yeah, well, that really goes to the extreme with those two."

"You know, I've never been able to figure out how they ended up together."

"Hellooo, we're still here!" I cried.

"I'm not putting up with this!" Zach huffed out, grabbing his stuff and getting to his feet. Without another word, not even another glance, he stormed out of the cafeteria.

"Whoa, touchy, touchy," Lucy commented. "God, if he can't even take a comment like that, or defend his relationship, then he's more of a loser than I thought. So uncool."

"Right?" Camille nodded. "Feel like joining us?"

"Don't mind if I do." Lucy plucked a chair from the table behind ours, and plopped down in it.

Jo smiled at Lucy. "You're in band, right?"

"Yeah, but don't spread it around. I do it to make my parents happy. They're classical musicians and they want me to follow in their footsteps."

"But you don't want to?" Camille asked her.

"Nope. I'm gonna be a rock star, if you can't tell by my hair or boots."

We all chuckled a little. Lucy had black hair with a red streak in it, and she wore black combat boots with her school uniform. Plus, her backpack was covered with all sorts of badges of rock bands that I had never even heard of, let alone listened to. Not to mention, she was often seen with a guitar case, which she used to bash people out of her way when she was late to class.

"Yeah, it's not like it was completely obvious," Jo teased.

"No, not at all," Lucy replied with a grin, before looking at me. "Katie Knight, right?"

I nodded.

"Oh yeah, the cute little girl who James seems to like for some reason. No offense," she added. "I just can't figure it out."

I nodded. "Does James really like me?"

She shrugged. "He stares at you a lot, so as near as I can figure he does."

"Oh." I blushed and looked down at my plate.

"But it's James, so it could mean anything. He can be kind of hard to read sometimes," Lucy said with a shrug. "He likes to keep his mysterious persona up."

"Why?"

"Don't know. He doesn't really like letting people in. Carlos – he's known James since preschool – says that after James' parents got divorced, he got really closed in, wouldn't let anyone get close to him."

"Oh."

"Yeah. I guess the divorce was pretty rough on him."

"That sucks," Kendall spoke up.

"It does," she agreed. "I just wish he'd stop getting himself into trouble. He talked back to one of his teachers today, and he got himself thrown in detention again."

"For today?"

"Yeah. You know, he'd really cut down on his detentions if he kept his tongue in check. But then again, who am I to talk? I sass back my teachers too."

"They ask for it," Camille told Lucy. "They can be such pricks sometimes. They drive me nuts."

Jo nodded in agreement. "I wish I had the nerve to talk back to them. They deserve it."

I didn't say anything, even though I definitely agreed with them. If I had the guts to speak up, I might not have had a week's detention, although on the other hand, I might have gotten myself put in detention for the rest of my life.

Yeah, speaking up just wasn't worth it.

* * *

**James' POV**

The day was moving much too slowly for my taste. After lunch, Lucy had reported that she had hung out with my 'baby lover' and her friends, and that Katie had gotten detention from Mr. Rochester for the rest of the week.

That sounded like a sign from God that I needed to get _myself_ put in detention for the rest of the week as well. It wouldn't be too hard, considering I had gotten myself thrown into detention twice in two days. I was already on a roll – why stop now?

"So what, you're just going to get put in detention straight for the next three days?" Carlos asked me in disbelief as he walked me towards the detention classroom.

"Not straight for the next three days – they don't lock us in there 24/seven."

"You know what I mean."

I shrugged. "It shouldn't be too hard, right?"

"All this over a girl who has a boyfriend and who probably isn't even interested in you?"

"It's not about Katie."

"Uh, yeah, it kind of is."

"It's not. It has nothing to do with her. And even if it did, why would it even matter? I would just be trying to keep her company in detention. It can be a scary and lonely place."

"Dude, detention isn't jail."

"But look at her! She's so small and sweet – they'd eat her alive without me there to protect her."

Carlos snorted. "Wow, man…you're delusional. Beyond delusional. I think you might need to see the school guidance counselor."

"I don't need to see the school guidance counselor. I'm fine."

"Trying to get yourself thrown in detention for the rest of the week generally isn't classified as _fine_."

"So I'm a little weird. So what? That's just me. And you know how much I like causing trouble."

"Which I really don't get," he told me. "I mean, I get doing it once in awhile to blow off some steam, but you take it to a major extreme. It's almost scary. You get put in detention twice a week, minimum. Most people don't get put in detention even once a month."

"I'm special."

"Yeah, you are…in more ways than one."

"I'll just ignore the insult." I patted his arm, just as we reached the detention room. "Oh, check it out, this is me. See you in about an hour."

"Yeah…enjoy. Don't burn down the room, okay?"

"As if I would." I grinned at him and pushed into the classroom.

The room was its usual mismatched jumble of people, skater kids who got caught riding their skateboards through the halls, or preppy kids who got a little too loud in class.

My eyes scanned around the room for Katie, and I immediately spotted her at the front of the room, in the seat she had sat in yesterday. She looked absolutely miserable, and she had a notebook out, doodling across the page.

I headed over to her and slid into my usual chair. "Hey," I greeted her. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Hi." She didn't even raise her head to look at me.

"So, I take it your day hasn't been very good?"

"What makes you say that?" She continued to keep her head down.

"Because you got detention for the rest of the week."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever."

"Whoa, what happened to you? Yesterday you were all _Ohmigosh, no college is going to accept me and I'm going to have to go to a community college and what if they don't have the genius classes that I need to take_?!"

Her head snapped up and she blinked at me. "I never said any of that."

I grinned. "I know, but it got you to look at me."

"That was a dirty trick."

"Hon, if you think that was dirty, then you haven't been exposed to anyone interesting."

"What I consider interesting and what you find interesting are two very different things."

I shrugged. "Probably."

She nodded, her eyes lowering to my right hand, across which the blonde girl who had approached me in the cafeteria had scrawled her number in hot pink lipstick.

"Are you gonna call her?" Katie asked me after a long moment.

"I don't know. If I do, it won't be to hook up with her, if that's what you're asking."

"It wasn't."

"Okay."

Another long pause.

"Why wouldn't you hook up with her?"

"Because she's only fourteen. That's too young."

"Legend has it you were hooking up with senior girls when you were fourteen."

I shrugged. "That was me."

"But you won't hook up with fourteen year old girls when you're a senior?"

"Nope."

"Why not?" she asked, cutting her eyes over to me.

"Because I don't want them to be classified as sluts for the rest of their high school career. I had a lot of shit happening when I was fourteen, and they might too. Maybe giving me their phone number – "

"In lipstick," she interrupted me, and I smiled slightly.

"In lipstick, is just their way of making themselves feel all grown up, or rebelling against their parents. I mean, who knows? But I'm not going to use them as an easy lay. There are pricks out there who will do that, but I'm not one of them."

She pressed her lips together, not saying anything.

"Surprised that I have morals?"

"No. I told you yesterday that you're a sweetheart. You're a nice person."

"Doesn't always mean one particular thing, though," I pointed out. "And I'm pretty sure you weren't talking about my sexual habits when you called me a sweetheart."

"I never claimed to. But I do know you have morals."

"Still doesn't explain the look on your face."

"I was just thinking of something."

"Okay…" Before I could question her further, Mrs. Vanderbilt announced that detention was now in session. Oh, goody. I spent the next ten minutes drawing up an outline for an English paper that was due next week. Right on schedule, Mrs. Vanderbilt, as reliable as they come, got to her feet, informed us that she was locking us in, and headed off to watch her favorite soap opera.

Heaven forbid she miss a single episode.

I glanced over at Katie, and saw that she still had her notebook out, along with her textbook. She was chewing on her bottom lip as she made notes in her notebook, occasionally reaching a hand up to push her hair out of her face.

I found my eyes focusing in on her mouth, how her lower lip momentarily flushed a darker shade of scarlet as she bit down on it, the way she caught it between her teeth, and then released it. A few seconds later, she swept the tip of her tongue around her mouth, before sinking her teeth into her bottom lip once more.

At last, after what felt like forever, she straightened up and pushed her notebook away from her. "I hate trying to work in a noisy room."

"You should bring earplugs tomorrow," I suggested. "Or your iPod. You are allowed to have your iPod in here, you know."

"You know, it kind of sounds like detention really isn't detention," she commented. "It sounds like we could do whatever the hell we wanted and there's no one around to tell us we can't."

"Uh, yeah, pretty much. The biggest punishment is that we're trapped in a small classroom with ten other troublemakers, and it goes on our permanent record. And yes, I know for you that's a punishment."

"But you don't really care," she confirmed.

I shrugged. "My grades are good. For some colleges, that's all that matters."

"Well, with Harvard and Yale and Dartmouth, there's a lot more than just getting good grades," she said pristinely.

"So I've heard," I replied dryly. "So, what were you thinking of before Mrs. Vanderbilt called detention to order?"

"It's nothing important." She twirled her pen between her fingers.

"Well, it seemed to be bothering you."

"Am I one of your targets?" she asked bluntly, turning in her seat to look at me.

"What?"

"Am I one of your targets? Are you planning on getting me into bed with you?"

I shook my head. "You have a boyfriend. I don't go after girls with boyfriends, it's one of my rules."

"Zach thinks you're going to."

"Zach's an insecure idiot."

"I know, but…With your reputation and everything…And Lucy Stone says you like me."

I leaned back in my chair. "Do you want me to like you?" I asked her quietly, eyes locking with hers.

She paused. "I shouldn't."

"That's not a straight answer."

"It doesn't matter if I want you to like me or not. I have a boyfriend."

"Right. Of course." I looked back at the outline I had gotten started.

"Do you like me?"

"You have a boyfriend, Katie. It doesn't matter if I do or not."

"Right."

We didn't say anything for the rest of detention, each of us focused on our own homework, though my mind still kept wandering back to what we had been talking about. She knew she shouldn't want me to like her…but the fact was she did. And I did like her. But of course, there was Zach. He was always there, always in the background, like a shadow, like a fly on the wall. And he was the kind of guy a girl like Katie would go for anyway, at least when it came to his views on school, and that appeared to be all that really mattered to her, anyway.

At last, Mrs. Vanderbilt let us go, and we began to pack up. As Katie and I walked out of the classroom together, I looked over at her. "By the way, I really hope you know that Zach can't always be your safety blanket. Sooner or later, you're going to have to step outside of your comfort zone."

"And when you do?" she asked me evenly.

"I might just be waiting." And with that, I headed off, away from her.

* * *

_**So, it looks like James might be making his move...and he might just be proving that he's not the guy everyone seems to think he is.**_

_**I hope you guys enjoyed it, and I'd love to hear what you thought of it, so please, please, please review! You have no idea how happy it makes me to read your opinions and theories and you think will happen next. :)**_

_**And for those of you who live in the U.S, in case I don't update before then, Happy 4th of July! :D**_


	5. Chapter 5 Speculation and Scheming

_**Disclaimer: Pretty sure we all know by now that I don't own Big Time Rush or anything recognizable in this story. Kay? Kay.**_

_**CaitlinK: Thank you so much! I'm so happy you're enjoying it so far :) I like that idea, though I'm not sure if it'll actually happen. But I'm sure there'll be some Katie and Zach scenes later on :) Thank you for taking the time to review, I really appreciate it.**_

_**Taylor: Thank you very much! Well, here's the update ;) Thank you for reviewing, I really appreciate it. :)**_

_**Guest: Okay, basically James told Katie that he wants her and that he'll make his move once she and Zach break up. Thank you for your review :)**_

_**knylonMaslow: Aww, thank you! I'm so happy you're enjoying it. And agree, Zach really is :) Thank you for taking the time to review! :)**_

_**Yogi or BooBoo: Haha right? Lucy's just that awesome. Sorry, I can't answer that :( But yep, James is. Thank you for reviewing! :)**_

_**THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who has read, followed, favorited, and reviewed this story! I think I owe you guys a bunch of inspiration :)**_

_**A/N: First of all, 50 reviews! Whoo hoo! You guys rock! And second, check it out! I'm actually updating this within a week of my last update. Basically, I've been doing a lot of writing for this story and I wanted to get out another chapter as soon as possible, so here it is :) Not a lot of Jatie in it, but some important stuff is brought up and discussed, so it is vital. On another note, I want to do a quick shout out to Dana2184 who just posted a new Jatie story entitled Fresh Start. She just has the prologue up, but maybe if enough of us read and review, she'll get the first official chapter posted as well. Anyway. I think that's it :)**_

_**Warnings: Language and innuendos.**_

_**Enjoy the chapter :)**_

* * *

**Chapter Five: Speculation and Scheming**

**James' POV**

"Are you going to audition for the school play?" Carlos asked me that evening. We were sprawled out on our twin beds, our homework somehow miraculously finished. Mayday Parade was blasting from my iPod docking station, and I was enjoying the opportunity to just be brain dead for a little while. But Carlos' question shook me out of my self-induced daydream.

I wrenched my thoughts away from Katie and me and a feather bed, before looking over at him. "Huh?"

"The school play? Are you going to audition for it?"

"I don't know. They're doing _A Midsummer Night's Dream_, aren't they? I did that in freshman year."

"That's the drama and rehearsal class we're in. The school, as a whole, is putting on a musical. I think it's _Guys and Dolls_."

I blinked. "_Guys and Dolls_, huh? Isn't that the one about the gambler who bets he can get the super religious female general or sergeant or whatever the hell she is, to run off with him down to Tijuana or something?"

"Or something like that. I don't know, it's something to that effect. But it's a good one, and you'd kill as the lead male role. You should audition."

"Maybe I will…When are auditions?"

Carlos' lip curved up. "Next Wednesday after school."

"Next week's Wednesday?" I confirmed, and he nodded. "Okay, so I guess I'll do my best to keep myself out of detention next week, so that I don't jeopardize my audition."

"Good. There might be scouts from Julliard or Yale or other colleges with really good musical and theater programs, and if they see you perform…"

"I know. And going to Julliard or Yale…Man…that would be one hell of a jumpstart to Broadway. Or a possible one, anyway."

"You going to aim for one of those two?"

I shook my head. "Probably not. But you never know, right?"

"Right. So, be on your best behavior for the next week. And then you'll have to be on your best behavior for the rest of the semester, until the play is over, because they'll have rehearsals after school and on weekends. They won't want their lead man constantly missing rehearsal because he can't keep his mouth shut and therefore gets his ass thrown in detention on a regular basis."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Senor Garcia, I get your point. I'll be a good little boy and keep my mouth shut."

"Good. And you'll definitely get the part anyway, you're an amazing actor and singer and dancer."

I smirked. "You can thank my mom for that."

"I know. But hey, you always knew what you wanted to do, and she's a big supporter of following your dreams."

"Wish my dad was like that…"

"Eh, don't worry about him. Him and your stepmom will be kissing your ass once you're a big Broadway star."

"I don't want them kissing my ass. I just want them to stay the fuck out of my life." I rolled over onto my back and placed my hands under my head, doing my utmost best to put thoughts of my stepmother out of my head. Nothing good ever came from a meeting with her. In fact, she was one of the reasons my dad and I had such a rocky relationship. He wouldn't listen to me about her. But then again, no one ever did…

"Okay, then," Carlos said slowly, blinking in surprise. "Well, anyway, you can pick up a copy of the script beginning Monday, after class."

"Okay, cool. I'll definitely do that."

"And you know you'll need to practice the songs, and brush up on your dancing."

"No shit," I deadpanned. "Dude, I've done this before, I'm not going into the audition completely cold. I know what I'm doing."

"I know you do, I just want to make sure you remember. And I really want you to get this role."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "Because you deserve it. Anyway, maybe performing again will help you…You've been so distant since summer vacation, and I've been a little worried about you."

"Distant?"

"Yeah…almost dark at times. Like you're hiding a secret, or like your personality has just gone…I don't know…all brooding. It's hard to explain. I mean, you've kind of been headed in that direction since your parents split up, but it just seems like you're getting worse and worse, at an even faster rate. Are you depressed?"

I stared at him, completely shocked by the blunt phrasing. "I'm sorry?"

"Are you depressed? Because if you are, we can get you help."

"I'm not depressed. I'm just dealing with a lot of shit."

"Are you sure?" he looked at me worriedly. "Because…I don't know…you just don't seem to be doing all that great, you know?"

"No, I don't know. Look, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine. I'm just dealing with stuff, it's nothing new. And I'm going to fight for this role, and I'm going to win."

"Okay."

"Okay. Anymore questions?"

He shook his head. "I guess not."

"Good." I pushed myself to my feet.

"Where are you going?" Carlos asked me in confusion.

"I'm going to go take a shower. I'll be back in a little while."

"Okay…" He let his voice trail off as I grabbed everything that I needed for the showers, and stepped out into the hall.

People automatically assumed that it was all air and dust behind my 'bad boy' façade. Girls were sure that if they could just break it down, they would see a perfectly sweet, wholesome, unbroken guy. Boys were positive that if they ganged up on me, they could break _me_ down until I was nothing but a sniveling pile of lies and covers and promises.

But what was funny was that no one had even asked me why I was the way I was. No one, not even Carlos, had ever bothered. I'd always had a bit of a rebellious streak, but like Carlos had said, after my parents divorced, things began to spin a little bit out of control. Well, no, their divorce was just what set everything into motion. There was more…so much more to it…but no one had ever asked…and I was never going to tell. If I did, I'd be labeled even more of a freak than I already was, and I'd be sent away to a rehabilitation center, and that was under the best circumstances.

No. I was never going to tell anyone what had happened, because if I did, everything that I had worked for, for so long, would just come crumbling down.

And with that final thought, I stepped into the bathroom and closed the door, determined not to give my past any more attention for the rest of the night.

* * *

**Katie's POV**

"I'm just sayin', there are way worst ways to spend detention than with James Diamond," Camille said to me that evening as we sat in the Huddle, the student lounge. Zach and his friends were in the library, and I didn't feel like dealing with them, so Camille, Jo, Logan, Kendall, and I had relocated to the Huddle for the time being.

I sighed as I flipped a page of my textbook, trying to tune my friends out.

"She's right," Jo chimed in. "James Diamond is hot."

"He's also a soon-to-be criminal," I huffed out.

"Says who? Says Zach? Because if this is more of his crap, than you both need a huge dose of reality," Jo replied. "You said yourself that James has pretty decent grades. So what? He likes causing trouble and having sex. We all need hobbies."

"And from what you said about your talk in detention, he's not all bad," Logan added. "I mean, he won't sleep with freshmen because he doesn't want them to end up with the reputation of being a slut? I think that says something about his morals."

"Yeah," Kendall agreed. "There are guys on the hockey team who wouldn't care if the girls they sleep with are only fourteen, as long as they get laid."

"Exactly," Logan put in. "And how much do you really like Zach?"

I stared at him, completely affronted. "He's my boyfriend!"

"So? That could mean anything."

"And you two have been together for a long time, since middle school," Camille piped up. "Is it possible that your relationship has run its course?"

I sputtered indignantly. "No, it's not!"

"Are you sure? Because James Diamond has pretty much had you captivated since freshman year. Seems to me like your relationship might have been over the second you began high school."

"It's not possible," I said firmly. "James Diamond has nothing to do with my relationship or my feelings towards Zach. James is just someone I'm going to have to put up with during detention. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Doth she protest too much?" Jo smirked. "Believe whatever you want, Katie. I think we all know the real truth."

"The real truth is that it's Zach I'm supposed to be with, not James. Look, I have nothing against James. Apart from the sleeping around and the dropping sparklers into the toilets thing, he seems like a perfectly nice guy. He's just not someone I…like…"

"So he wasn't the guy you had a sex dream about last night?" Logan's smirk rivaled Jo's, and I felt my cheeks tinge pink, and then darken to red.

"I – I – I – I – _what_?!"

"Gross!" Kendall cried. "I don't want to know about my sister's sex dreams! Eeew!"

"So he is the one you had the sex dream about," Logan confirmed as he leaned back in the red, faux leather chair he was sitting in. "Interesting…very interesting…"

"I could say the same for your dreams about – what's his face? – the guy you're secretly crushing on," I retorted fiercely.

"No you couldn't, because unlike you, I'm not in denial over it," he shrugged. "I'm bi, and I happen to be attracted to a guy. I've long since accepted my sexuality. You, on the other hand, clearly haven't."

"I'm dating Zach, aren't I?"

"But you're not sleeping with him," Camille pointed out. "Not that there's anything wrong with that, but when I asked you if you even wanted to, you just kind of shrugged and said _I don't really see him that way at this point in time_, like you think you'll suddenly see him in a sexual light once you graduate from high school or something."

"Now isn't the time to get involved with someone like that," I protested.

"And Zach doesn't force you to risk your chances of changing your game plan; but James does."

"He just has that thing about him, you know?"

Camille raised a thin eyebrow at me. "What thing?"

"That – that – that – that _rip off my clothes and have your wicked way with me_ thing."

"Really? He's got that? Because as hot as I think he is, he doesn't make me want to rip off my clothes _or_ his clothes whenever I see him. But that's interesting that he makes you feel that way."

I blushed again. "See? It's a dangerous attraction! It wouldn't work!"

"What's so dangerous about having sexual tension/chemistry with someone?" Jo demanded. "Most people would kill for that kind of thing."

"It's dangerous because I have a boyfriend who I've been dating since eighth grade! I'm not going to give up our history and relationship just because I've gotten thrown into detention with the school's resident bad boy hottie!" I cried. "Nothing's changed! I'm still going to be with Zach, James is still going to cause trouble and get thrown in detention, and we'll go on, living our separate lives."

"And when is all this going to not change?" Jo asked. "Because you two are still in detention together until Friday. You have three more days left."

"It'll change the second we leave the detention room on Friday afternoon," I said crisply. "We'll go our separate ways, and we'll probably never run into each other again."

"Right…sure…because it's just every day he decides to take a liking to someone," Camille rolled her eyes. "You heard what Lucy Stone said at lunch, that James likes you. And somehow, I have a feeling that when James sees something he likes, he goes after it, big time. Feel the rush, baby, feel the rush."

"He'll get over it," I informed her. "I'm sure he's taken a liking to other girls before, I'm not the first one. I'm just new meat, just a fresh face, someone who he hasn't slept with yet."

"And if that's the case, then I'm sure by Monday he won't be coming anywhere near you, he'll be completely over you," Kendall said.

"Exactly."

"And if it's not, then I have a feeling you're going to need to buckle up, because if I know anything about James Diamond, it's that he'll take a girl on the ride of her life."

Always nice to have positive encouragement.

Curfew on the weekdays was nine PM, so at ten to nine, we all gathered our stuff and headed back to our dorm rooms, locking ourselves in for the night.

"You think I have something to worry about when it comes to James Diamond?" I asked Camille as we changed into our pajamas.

She shrugged. "Honestly, I only know James in passing, everything I know about him is what I've heard around the school. So, the truth is, I really couldn't tell you. I guess you're just going to have to wait to find out."

"Zach won't be happy if James really does set his sights on me…"

"Zach needs to remember that he doesn't own you. Anyway, he wasn't always this possessive, so what's up with creepy stalker mode all of a sudden?"

"I don't know," I sighed. "All I know is that when we got back to school, he was all possessive and…I don't know…just weird. Different, in a way."

"Oh. Do you think he might be cheating on you?"

"What? No! He'd never do anything like that."

"Are you sure? Because with some guys, when their girlfriends don't put out, they go find a girl who does. I'm not saying that you're wrong not to sleep with him, because you're definitely right in this matter. But he was always a little bit of a jackass, and it seems like his jackass-ish-ness has heightened to new extremes. I wouldn't put him cheating on you so that he can get laid past him, I really wouldn't."

I sighed again. "I'll be on the lookout for signs, but it just isn't like him."

"Neither is being creepily possessive. Seriously, he has this attitude where, if he can't have you, than no one can. And I get he's your boyfriend, but none of my boyfriends have had that. Kendall doesn't even get like that around Jo, and we all know he's totally into her. And from what you've told me about James, I don't get the feeling he's like that either. Zach is just…I don't even know. There's just something off about him, and I really think you need to be careful, because something's going to give. Has he pressured you at all?"

I blinked over at her as I reached for my hairbrush. "Pressured me about what?"

"About sex."

"No, not at all. He seems content to wait. He hardly ever brings it up."

"Which is weird in itself, because he's not overly religious, and he doesn't wear a purity ring."

I shrugged, running the brush through my hair. "He knows I'm not going to sleep with anyone until I'm out of high school. I've made that very clear to him."

"Still, you think he'd try, at least…"

"He's proud of my good girl status," I said simply.

"Right…I'm sure he is…" she bit her lip, but didn't say anything else.

We ended up going to bed a little while later, and as I snuggled under my covers, thoughts of James filled my head once more. And once again, he invaded my dreams, taking control of my hormones, and making me crave him in ways that I didn't even know were possible.

Damn him. Just damn him.

* * *

**Camille's POV**

When I awoke the next morning, Katie was already out of bed, and the perfectly ironed uniform that she had laid out over her desk chair the night before was gone, letting me know that she had already escaped our dorm room. With a sigh, I got up, went through my usual routine, threw on my clothes, and headed to the dining hall.

Katie wasn't in sight, but Jo was, and I hurried over to her. She looked up at me from where she was stirring her oatmeal halfheartedly, looking like she was still half asleep. Her long blonde hair had been pulled back into a ponytail, and her eyeliner was a little bit thicker and sloppier than usual.

"Long night?" I asked once I had reached her with my usual bagel and cream cheese.

"Yeah, I didn't sleep that great," she sighed. "What's up?"

"Well, I talked to Katie last night about Zach. He hasn't said a word about sex to her."

"Okay…I just know there's a point here that I should be getting…Why is sex even the point? Why is everything with you about it?"

"First of all, I'm as horny as James Diamond. And second of all, don't you think it's a little weird that a seventeen year old guy wouldn't be trying to get his girlfriend to sleep with him? From what Katie told me, he doesn't even try."

Jo blinked at me. "Like, what? Nothing past making out?"

"If they even do that."

"Look, it's none of our business what they do or don't do in their relationship."

"I'm aware of that. But Katie told me that he's also proud of her good girl status. Kind of makes me think that he doesn't want it jeopardized for anything. And if his girlfriend is suddenly seen hanging around James Diamond, Dalton Prep's resident bad boy, troublemaker, and man whore, then her good girl status could very easily go down the drain. And you know his all American boy reputation stems off of Katie's good girl rep. He can pretty much run the school all because his girlfriend is Saint Katie. If his girlfriend is Katie Knight, then he must be a pretty good guy himself. That's how everyone sees it."

"Everyone except us," Jo nodded, taking a bite of her oatmeal. "I'm following you now. Anything else?"

"Well, he seems even more protective and possessive of Katie than usual. He kind of has that whole, _if I can't have her, than nobody can _vibe going on, you know? And that worries me, because guys like that can be dangerous."

"He didn't have that before."

"No, but Katie said that after summer break, he started getting all possessive of her. Makes me wonder if maybe he met someone, did some things, realized that he could very easily lose his girlfriend if she found out what had happened, and then decided to amp everything up."

"Maybe…" Jo said slowly. "Or maybe he's just worried that she'll give in to James."

"But this was at the beginning of the school year, Jo. I mean, it's the third week, but still. They didn't even meet until Monday afternoon. He had nothing to worry about right after summer vacation. I mean, this whole thing is just really, really freaky, and honestly, I don't trust him. He's acting a little psychotic when it comes to Katie, and he's even more of a douche bag than normal. And seriously, if he were my boyfriend, I would have broken up with him now, just because he's a controlling freak who goes ape shit if he doesn't get his way. He could get violent."

"Okay, now the drama queen is coming out of you," Jo rolled her eyes. "I seriously doubt Zach's going to get violent with Katie."

"But he could. It's entirely possible. I mean, you just never know."

"No, but we can be pretty sure that nothing's going to happen."

"You trust him?" I challenged her.

"No, but I trust Katie's judgment."

"The girl sees the world through rose colored glasses. I love her, but I don't trust her judgment, not when it comes to Zach. She's always been a little bit blinded by him, and I seriously don't get it. He's such a jerk. I don't get why she even likes him."

"Because he fits into her life plan?" Jo suggested. "You know how she is, super organized, super type A personality. Or, she tries, anyway. She tries for her dad."

We both fell silent as I took that in.

"You're right," I agreed. "I completely forgot about that."

"Yeah…it's easy to do."

Wordlessly, I began to spread cream cheese on my bagel, and Jo didn't say anything else for the rest of breakfast.

Just as we were leaving the dining hall together, a tall, dark haired guy stepped in front of us. His eyes were a smoldering hazel, framed with long lashes, and, as corny as this is going to sound, his skin literally looked sun kissed. In his black slacks, white button up shirt, the sleeves pushed up to his forearms, and undone tie, his hair just perfectly ruffled so that he looked like he had just rolled straight out of bed and fallen right into his clothes, he could have been a model, no doubt about it.

James Diamond.

"What can we do for you?" I asked him, looking up into his face. Okay, seriously, guys like him generally aren't my type, but that didn't mean that I wasn't drooling just the tiniest bit over his obviously toned body and his messy hair. Any girl would have. The guy was pretty much every girl's wet dream, for crying out loud!

"You two know Katie Knight, right?" he replied, leaning against the doorway.

"Yeah," Jo nodded. "Why?"

"I was just wondering what the chances are of her breaking up with Zach Wilder."

"If you think you're going to be able to get in between them…" I paused, biting down on my lip. "Okay, I actually don't know. Katie's stubborn, but Zach's kind of driving her nuts. She won't admit it outright, but he is."

"Zach is already worried that you're going to steal Katie away from him," Jo explained. "We think it's because of Katie's good girl rep."

James blinked at us in confusion. "Like, I'm going to go after her simply because she's sweet and innocent?"

"No…more like, Zach's afraid that if she hangs out with you, her good girl rep will vanish, and he'll be left with nothing to hang onto. His power comes from Katie, and he knows it. Without her, he's nothing at this school, absolutely nothing. His teachers like him simply because he's Katie's boyfriend. Guys look up to him because, hello, his girlfriend probably baked them cookies at one point. Girls smile at him because if he's good enough for Katie Knight, then he's certainly good enough for them. He's popular, he's the captain of the football team, he's a freaking straight _A_ student, and he's never had to do anything. Katie's the one with the power, but he's using her to wield it. And he needs her good girl rep to remain intact until he graduates, because otherwise, he's toast."

James stared at us. "Awful lot of politics are involved there, aren't there?"

I shrugged. "Zach's a schemer and a plotter and he's smart and conniving."

"We're not positive about this," Jo added. "This is just Camille and my speculation, but it would certainly explain a lot."

"Such as?" he prodded us.

"Such as why he's not even trying to sleep with his girlfriend. That in itself is a little odd. Unless he's asexual, which I doubt, he'd be vying for sex. So either he really likes jacking off, or he's getting it from someone else, someone who isn't his picture perfect girlfriend," I put in.

James gaped at me. "Don't you think that sounds a little…I don't know…nuts?"

"I'm aware of it. I'm probably completely overdramatizing it. But what if I'm right?"

"Look, I'm not trying to prove that Wilder's using Katie or cheating on her. I just want to know if I have a chance with her."

Jo smirked slightly. "Let's just say you get under her skin. I'd say you've got a chance."

"Good. Thank you. That's all I needed to know."

"You're going to go after her, aren't you?" I asked, continuing to gaze up at him.

"I'm going to do my best. I like her, and I'm going to make sure that she knows that she has another option, other than Zach Wilder." The bell rang, and he gave us a grin. "See you both later."

"See you later," we said together, and we headed our different directions.

As I walked towards class, I grinned to myself. Something told me things at Dalton Prep were about to get very, very interesting…

* * *

_**So, everyone kind of interacted with James and Katie except for James with Katie...That just occurred to me. Anyway, what'd you guys think? Was it okay? Did you like it? I'm sorry for the lack of James/Katie in this, but there just wasn't room to fit them in.**_

_**Anyway, please, please, please review! I can't even begin to stress how much I love getting your reviews :) Plus, a lot of your thoughts and theories actually give me ideas for future scenes :) So, I guess I'll leave it here. Since I'm probably not going to be updating before then, Happy 4th of July to everyone here in the good ol' USA! Have a safe and fun Independence Day :)**_


	6. Chapter 6 Intrigued and Mystified

_**Disclaimer: So, to cover the usual bases, I do not own Big Time Rush or anything that is recognizable in this chapter.**_

_**Taylor: Aww, thanks! I'm glad you're still enjoying the story. Ah, then you understand ;) Exactly, I'm the same way. The more reviews that come in, the better chance the next chapter will be up soon, because I'll be really eager to write more. And as always, thank you for reviewing :)**_

_**KnylonMaslow: Thank you so much! Happy (late) 4th to you too :) And thank you for taking the time to review!**_

_**A HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who has read, followed, favorited, or reviewed this story! I appreciate it so much, I can't even begin to describe it!**_

_**A/N: Yes, I know, it's a freaking miracle! I'm actually getting this chapter up less than a week after I last updated. What can I say, weirder things have happened...probably. Anyway, I got a ton of amazing reviews between posting chapter 5 and posting this, and they spurred me to write faster, so here you go :) Basically, things are finally starting to happen in this story, so hopefully that means this story will get a little more interesting. I know it's been going kind of slow, but that's because everything was being set up and arranged and yeah, total grunt work ;P**_

_**I also posted the epilogue to "Touch the Flame" a little while ago, so if you're reading that, there you go :) Also, Dana2184 updated "Fresh Start" which has an amazing plot so far, so if you haven't already, go and check it out. :)**_

_**Warnings: Language and sexual innuendos.**_

_**Enjoy the chapter :)**_

* * *

**Chapter Six – Intrigued and Mystified**

**James' POV**

By the time I sat down in homeroom, my mind was reeling with what Camille and Jo had told me. It sounded like Katie and Zach had _quite_ the interesting relationship. I had wondered when I had first met Katie if Zach could be cheating on her, and if Camille Roberts thought that there was a chance that he was sleeping around, then it looked like my instincts could be right after all.

And then there was the whole good girl rep that they had talked about. That in itself was interesting. It got me wondering if Zach could in fact be using her simply because people liked her. And if that was the case, than that was seriously low, even for a world class jackass like him. Using Katie Knight for his own means…

The more I thought about it, the more pissed off I got. Who the hell did he think he was? He was a prick, nothing more, nothing less. He didn't deserve to have a girlfriend like Katie, not in the least. He needed a good ass kicking, and I knew just the person to do it.

Me.

I didn't hear a single word of the morning announcements, and the rest of my morning classes went by in a haze. I didn't even make any comments to Mr. Gallagher, my U.S History teacher who was most likely hired because he was the principle's nephew. The dude didn't know a single thing about history or the lessons we learn from history, and I was constantly getting into arguments with him. Usually within fifteen minutes into the class, I had been called a "smart mouth kid" and informed that I had detention. I usually just shrugged and replied, "So, guess that means I win."

But today, I kept my mouth shut, which I should've been doing anyway, since I was planning on auditioning for _Guys and Dolls_ next week. I needed to keep my nose clean and out of trouble if I wanted to land the lead role and actually, you know, keep it.

At last, lunch rolled around, and I grabbed a sub sandwich, an apple, and a bottle of _Pepsi_, before sitting down with my friends.

"Dude, check it out," Jett said to me, elbowing me in the side. "Wilder's giving you his death glare again."

I glanced over at Katie's table and sure enough, if looks could kill, I would have been dead and buried and total dust the moment I met Zach's eyes. I shrugged, but then rolled my own eyes as he, still keeping his gaze trained on me, leaned over to Katie and began to nibble on her neck.

She broke off the conversation she had been having with Camille and Jo to turn and give Zach a weird look, before saying something to him. He replied, and she shook her head, swinging her hair over her right shoulder so that it effectively blocked him from her neck or jaw or whatever else he might have tried for next.

I mentally smirked and turned back to my sandwich, biting into it. "He's such an ass."

"Who, Wilder?" Dak asked, looking over at me.

I nodded. "Thinks the whole fucking world revolves around him. Someone needs to knock him off his fucking high horse."

"Amen to that," Lucy chimed in, raising her bottle of lemonade in the air. Jett and Dak both laughed, and I grinned, just as Carlos took his seat.

"You know what's hot?" he asked the table at large as he rearranged his corndogs and tater tots.

I reached over, stealing one of his tater tots. "Is this a rhetorical question, or can I actually answer that?"

"It's a rhetorical question – I'm afraid to hear what your answer is."

"Right. Well, what's hot?"

"My new biology partner," Carlos said with a slightly dreamy smile on his face.

"You got Logan Mitchell as your biology partner?" I asked in surprise.

"Sure did. I've been hoping to be his partner in something since freshman year, and it's finally happening."

"Maybe now you can finally find out if he's gay or bi," I said to him as I took a bite of my apple.

"And how am I going to do that?" he demanded, nibbling slightly anxiously on the end of a corndog.

"Manage to work it into a conversation, I don't know."

"Oh, that'll be great," Carlos said sarcastically.

Lucy grinned. "I can just see it now. _Oh, Logan, you're so hot in your sweater vest and pocket protector…I've been madly infatuated with you for three years, and I was just wondering if you could find it in your heart to go gay for me. I'll even eat a corndog in front of you_."

The entire table cracked up as Carlos' cheeks flushed, though he grinned a little despite the joke aimed at him. "I think Lucy said it all," he informed me. "I'm not doing it, I'm not coming onto him."

Jett snickered. "_Coming_…You'll be _coming_ for him."

Dak smacked him around the back of the head. "Grow up. And then you wonder why none of the girls around here like you. Anyway." He turned to Carlos and me. "Seems like you two are in similar situations."

Carlos and I blinked at him, before Carlos spun to face me. "Since when are you gay?!"

"I like girls…"

"Since when are you bi?!"

"I'm not bi!"

"Pansexual!"

"I – huh…" I thought about that for a moment. "Pansexual…that's when you don't care who you get sex from, right?"

"Yeah."

I rolled that over in my mind for a minute, chewing on my apple, before shaking my head. "Nah. I prefer girls."

"But – Dak said – "

"I think what he meant," Lucy spoke up, "is that you two are both seriously crushing on people from the soon-to-be-presidents-lawyers-world-leaders-heart- attacks table. Oh, and I think being sexually attracted to whoever is polysexual…which sounds a lot like bisexual, but I guess gender terms aren't used or whatever."

Carlos rubbed his temples. "This is confusing."

"Tell me about it," I agreed.

"I'm lost."

"Same."

Lucy rolled her eyes. "Anyway, my original point was, _you_ want Katie," she pointed at me, "and _you_ want Logan," her finger moved to Carlos. "And they're both in the so-called 'perfect' crowd, whereas we're all more on the outskirts, acting out, doing our own thing, that sort of stuff. So you two are in the same situation in that way."

"Oh." Carlos thought about this for a long moment. "I guess that makes sense."

"Believe me, it does," she assured him. "So, what're you guys going to do about it?"

"About what?" I asked blankly.

"About your crushes on Katie Knight and Logan Mitchell."

Carlos blinked at her. "We have to do something about them?"

She face palmed. "Yes! Because if you don't, Katie will forever be stuck with Zach Wilder – and who, besides Zach, actually wants that? – and Logan will end up with some preppy prep from Prep Land."

"There's Prep Land?"

She face palmed again. "Not the point! The point is, this is our senior year of high school, and this might be your last chance to get with Katie and Logan. You need to do something about it, and pronto."

I sighed. "I don't know, Luce. Katie does have a boyfriend, and he's possessive."

"But you want her."

"More than anything."

"So make sure she knows that. Make sure she knows she has options."

"I…kind of already have. Yesterday. After detention. I told her if she decided to break up with him, I would probably be waiting for her."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"So follow through on it. It's the only thing you can do now."

"And how am I going to do that?" I demanded.

"I don't know, get creative. Use your infamous Diamond charm on her, do whatever."

I took a sip of my water, wondering just what exactly my game plan should be…

Detention finally rolled around, and I made my way to the designated classroom. I slid into my usual spot, and about thirty seconds later, Katie joined me, tying her hair up in a high ponytail, her lips pursed resignedly. I chuckled a little at the look on her face.

"What?" she asked once she realized I was laughing.

"You. You look so…you look like a mother whose kids have decided to go into the arcade, with or without her permission."

"Oh." Katie shrugged. "I wouldn't say that, exactly. I mean, I'm pretty much stuck here without just cause, so…"

"Sounds like a lesson for a U.S Civics class," I said, opening my English notebook absentmindedly. "Innocent until proven guilty. Taxation without representation. All that stuff."

"Yeah, I guess that's one way to put it," she agreed, pulling out a notebook and a textbook so thick I was pretty sure it weighed more than she did. "But I'd rather not dwell on it. It's an injustice, but it's a manageable one."

I quirked an eyebrow. "What the hell happened to the girl I met on Monday? You were practically in tears. Did you loosen up in the past three days?"

"I don't need to loosen up. And thinking about this just isn't worth my time, because otherwise I'll just get upset and I have enough stress in my life without adding to it."

"Very true. What is that book?" I turned the textbook towards me to read the title. "_An Extensive History of the Greek and Roman Empires_. Extensive is a good way to put it. And you have to read that in a semester?"

"Pretty much," she replied as she flipped to the beginning of chapter six. "Luckily, it's really interesting, otherwise I'd be in trouble."

"I think I'd be in trouble anyway if I had to read that. How do you do it?"

The corner of her mouth twitched in amusement. "Very carefully."

"Obviously. So, how was your evening yesterday?"

"It was fine," she said offhandedly, flipping to the next page. "Nothing special."

"Hang out with Zach?"

"Actually, no. He was being a jerk, so I ended up hanging out with my other friends in the Huddle."

"Sounds fun and relaxing."

"It was. How was your evening?" She scribbled something in her notebook.

"Nothing special. Just hung out with Carlos. Did homework. Talked about the school musical."

"What's the musical this year?" Katie asked me, still writing away, fingers poised gracefully around her purple glitter gel pen.

"_Guys and Dolls_."

"Oh, I've heard of that. It's supposed to be really good. Are you auditioning for it?"

"Yeah, for the lead. I printed a bunch of information for it out during study hall today." I reached into my backpack and pulled out the folder that I had designated to the plays and musicals I performed in.

Katie finally looked up from the notes she was taking and curiously pried the folder open, tugging out the summary and synopsis of the different acts that I had carefully stapled together. I watched as she flipped through the different pages, my eyes focusing in on the way she furrowed her brow ever so slightly as she read, how she chewed her lower lip, the beat she drummed her fingers to against the desk, nails glazed bubblegum pink and impossibly bright and cheerful against the fake wooden surface.

Zach Wilder didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve to be with someone as beautiful or as nice or as smart as Katie was, and he certainly didn't deserve to be an ass about it.

Katie finally passed me the papers back and gave me a small smile. "It sounds really interesting. The lead, Sky Masterson, kind of reminds me of you."

I eyed her in amusement. "Should I be offended?"

"No, no, I just mean, he's not the most innocent guy in the world, but he does turn out to be okay."

I shrugged. "I suppose."

"It's not a bad thing by any means. I just see some character similarities between you two." She went back to her note taking, just as Mrs. Vanderbilt bustled into the room.

True to her track record, within five minutes she was back out the door, the click of the lock echoing in her wake.

Katie sighed and set her pen down, closing her textbook and notebook in quick succession.

"Are you giving up on homework?" I asked in mock horror.

"I'd rather do it later, in the Huddle or the library."

"Ah."

"Yeah. So…what're your plans for the weekend?"

I shrugged. "I'll probably hit a couple of parties and catch up on my sleep."

"Sounds…fun…"

"It can be. How about you?"

"My family has a cabin in Winchester, so my friends and I are heading up there for the weekend."

"Ah. Sounds like that'll be fun."

She shrugged. "It depends."

"On?"

"Whether or not Zach's being a jerk. Kendall has his own car, but there's six of us. Zach has a car too, but he can be…weird…about us using his car. There've been times where a couple of us have had to sit the trip out because Zach wouldn't let anyone hear his car."

I stared at her. "Is he, like, smuggling drugs in it or something?"

"Nope." She popped the P. "He just gets selfish sometimes."

"Only _sometimes_? Why the fuck are you with him?"

Katie ignored my question. "Do you have any family nearby? Or any places to get away from school?"

"Not really. My mom splits her time between Los Angeles, Minneapolis, and New York city, and my dad and stepmom don't give a fuck about me, so I'm pretty much left to my own devices. I do have a car, though," I added. "I bought it last summer so that I could have transportation and wouldn't have to rely on the buses and trains around here."

"Yeah, the public transportation system sucks," she agreed. "What kind of car is it?"

"A '75 Dodge Charger. I spent a lot of time this summer cleaning her up, making sure that she was running right. She's in pretty good condition now."

She smiled. "That's good to hear. Kendall keeps bugging me to get my own car, but I don't even have a driver's license, so it'd be pointless. And honestly, I'm not a huge fan of cars."

"Why not?"

She shrugged, looking down at the desk. "I got into a pretty bad accident when I was younger."

"Oh, okay, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's in the past. So," she glanced sideways at my hand. "I see you washed the freshman's number off."

"Yeah, last night. I didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea."

"Can anyone ever get the _right_ idea with you?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

I looked back at her, confused. "What do you mean?"

"I – just – never mind. It's not important." She tightened her ponytail.

"Really? Because it sounded like it was."

She sighed. "It's just, it's hard to figure you out. I know I don't know you that well, but it seems like every time I talk to you, every time I find out something new about you it just kind of adds to your mystery."

I gaped at her. "My mystery?"

"Yeah. You're kind of mysterious. I guess it goes with your bad boy reputation, but…I mean, how many people really know you?"

"The only people who really matter," I responded, looking away from her and out the window.

Sun was shining down on the courtyard, and teenagers still in their school uniforms were walking by, whispering to each other, checking their phones, laughing at inside jokes. And for the first time since freshman year, I wanted to be out there instead of stuck here in the detention room, trying to swallow back a vomit of memories.

Katie didn't say anything, and I didn't bother trying to break the silence. I just continued to gaze out the window.

At last, she spoke up: "I'm sorry if I was prying. It's just…it's hard not to be curious about you. I was warned about you the very first day I stepped into Dalton Prep. I remember Zach nodding at you and whispering to me to stay away from you because you were nothing but a sex addict bad boy. But even with the bad reputation, girls still flocked to you and I wasn't able to figure out why. I mean, you're pretty hot, but even that couldn't be enough to keep the girls coming to you if the only good thing about you is sex. But…you've got something about you that kind of…keeps people interested. Keep them coming back for more. There's this sort of dark mystery about you. It's intriguing."

I gawped at her, not entirely sure how to react to that. Dark mystery? Intriguing? Sex addict bad boy? What?

"Sorry…I know it doesn't make any sense."

"No, it's just…I really don't get where you're coming from," I tried to explain.

Katie shrugged. "Never mind. Forget I said anything."

"Okay…So, how was class?"

We spent the rest of detention talking about school. At last, Mrs. Vanderbilt returned and a few minutes later, shooed us out of the room. I bid a quick goodbye to Katie and hurried away.

It wasn't her, exactly, that I wanted to get away from. It was the memories she had unwittingly brought up, the memories that had surfaced the night before when I had been talking to Carlos. Dark mystery…maybe in a way it did fit me, in a way I had never considered, in a way I refused to think about if I could help it.

That was a road I wasn't ever going back down. Not after last summer.

* * *

**Katie's POV**

I sighed as I crossed the courtyard, my mind still on James. I had the distinct feeling that I had hit a nerve when I had begun questioning him. Maybe I shouldn't have pried, but it was almost impossible not to. He had something about him that just had me craving to know what exactly made him tick, to know every single thing about him, ever secret, every memory.

But for the first time since I had first seen him leaning against his locker, flirting with a girl, eyes glittering mischievously, I found myself seriously considering what exactly had led him to make some of his choices, to what had pushed him in the direction of his bad boy, sex addict reputation…What had transpired in his life to force his normally warm hazel eyes to turn cold and distant, gaining a haunted quality about them.

What I did know was that his bad boy, sex addict reputation wasn't random; he hadn't woken up one morning and decided it would be a good idea to suddenly appear messed up and sex crazed. That wasn't who he was, not when you peeled back a couple of layers, anyway. The problem was, was that I had the impression that the more layers I peeled back, the more I would find.

But damn, if it wasn't captivating, if he wasn't captivating. The more time I spent with him, the more I wanted to never leave his side. He was pulling me in with the flash of his eyes, the tantalizing smirk of his lips, the melodic tone of his voice, the way he actually took the time to talk to me and pay attention to me…how he managed to make me feel beautiful, which was something Zach had never been able to. In all honesty, I had never even thought twice about it, but now I was biting thoughtfully on my lower lip, wondering how relevant that little piece was, how relevant the way he could make me feel really was.

As I headed towards the dining hall, I caught sight of Zach leaning against the building's wall, chatting with a couple of his buddies. As I approached, he said something to them and they sauntered off, tossing me smirks as they passed by me.

Creeps.

"I don't know why you hang out with them," I informed Zach once I reached him. "They're really creepy and they always lure at me and Camille and Jo like they'd like to do _things_ to us."

He laughed. "Aren't you cute?"

"Zach, I'm serious."

"And I'm serious. Really, Katie, you have nothing to worry about. Would I really hang out with people who I thought might put you in danger?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Not intentionally. But I just have a bad feeling about those two…"

"It's all in your head," he assured me, tapping my right temple. "Believe me, you're just overreacting."

I sighed. "Whatever. Come on, let's go grab something to eat, I'm starving."

"How was detention?" he asked as we walked into the building. "You see Diamond?"

"As a matter of fact, I sat with him. And before you get all mad and upset and jealous, he was a perfect gentleman. Nothing happened – at all."

Zach rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I still don't like him."

"And I don't like your friends, but I'm not going to tell you to stop hanging out with them."

"Yeah, fine. Anyway, I have some bad news."

I looked at him worriedly. "What is it?"

"I'm not going to be able to go to Winchester tomorrow. I have a makeup test for my world history class on Saturday afternoon."

"Why is it a makeup test?" I asked curiously.

"Because I missed the first one yesterday."

"Why?"

"I was having a bad day and I…uh…lost track of time."

"B.S. You skipped it."

"I was having a bad day," he insisted. "You had gotten detention and I was upset."

"Wow. That's your excuse?"

"It's my reason. So, I guess the trip's off."

"For you? Yeah."

"No. For all of us. You can't go without me."

I smirked. "You wanna bet?"

"Katie – !"

"Look, you're the one who was stupid enough to skip a test you knew you needed to take. It's not my problem"

"But Katie," he whined. "I don't know what's gotten into you. Don't you want me to come with you?"

"Of course I do. But you can't go, and I'm not cancelling the entire trip simply because you screwed up. It's not fair to everyone else. I'm sorry, but the trip's still on." And with that I sped up and hurried into the cafeteria without him.

Zach didn't bother eating with me. He just grabbed a sandwich and stalked out of the cafeteria like he had been personally wronged. I shook my head and turned back to my soup.

"What's up with him?" Camille asked, nodding at Zach's retreating figure.

I explained quickly that he wouldn't be able to go on the trip, and she shrugged.

"What a fucking bummer."

"I will say, as much as I don't like him, that it kind of is a bummer that he can't go, because we need his car for the extra luggage," Kendall spoke up.

"You could invite someone else," Jo suggested to Kendall and me. "Someone with a car. Someone who we actually _like_."

I paused, spooning more soup into my mouth, before slowly grinning. "I know someone who has a car…and a cute Latino friend who Logan is trying to pretend he's not staring at."

Logan sputtered as he looked away from the aforementioned cute Latino friend. "I'm not staring at anyone!" he cried.

"Dude, if you like Carlos Garcia, it's cool. He's really nice."

"He's my lab partner…"

"Even better."

"You're going to ask James and Carlos to go to Winchester with us?" Kendall asked me.

"If that's okay."

"Yeah, sure. I know you kind of like James, and Logan's obviously already head over heels for Carlos – he can't keep his eyes off of him."

"I'm intrigued by James," I corrected him. "I don't have feelings for him."

"Bullshit."

I just shook my head, not bothering to argue the point any further.

Once I had finished eating, I hurried to Bastille Hall and up to James' and Carlos' room. I steeled myself before knocking on the door.

The door was flung open a moment later and I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing for a few seconds.

James stood there, hair ruffled, with sweatpants hanging down low around his hips and no shirt in sight.

I had a feeling that image was going to be making its way into my dreams tonight.

James blinked at me as I continued to stare speechlessly at him. Huge shoulder muscles…insane biceps…pecs larger than my chest…rock hard abs…then there was the perfect V of his hips and his happy trail, leading down into the waistband of his sweats.

Zach who?

"Something I can do for you, Katie?" James asked, bringing me back to earth.

"What? Oh, yeah, there is. Um…so, you know how I was talking about my friends and me driving up to Winchester tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"Well, Zach had to bow out…and we kind of need an extra car for luggage, and some extra company never hurts…So would you and Carlos be interested in coming with us?"

James leaned against the doorway, his huge frame dwarfing me, an elfish smirk playing around his lips. "So, that's what it's come to, huh? You're using me for my car."

I giggled. "Yeah, pretty much. But if you're interested…"

"I'm interested, I'm interested. Hey, Carlos!" he shouted over his shoulder further into the room.

"What?" Carlos asked a moment later.

"Take your earbuds out, Katie's here. She's inviting us to go to Winchester with her and her friends tomorrow, sans Zach. We just have to bring my car. You interested?"

"Fuck yeah!" I heard Carlos cheer. "Dude, this place is, like, dead on the weekends, except for the parties. Hey, uh," his voice lowered slightly, "could you ask her if Logan's going to be there?"

James laughed. "Katie, Carlos wants to know if Logan's going to be there."

I nodded. "As a matter of fact, he is."

"He is," James called to Carlos.

"Sweet!" was his response.

"So," I continued, catching James' attention again, "we're going to meet in the parking lot after we get out of detention, so around four-ish. Kendall's car is the dark blue Toyota Yaris, and we're going to be meeting there."

"Okay," he nodded. "Sounds good. I know which one you mean, it has a _Taking Back Sunday_ bumper sticker on it, right?"

I grinned. "That's the one."

"Okay. I'm parked close by."

"Sounds good. Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah," he smiled at me. "See you tomorrow."

I smiled back and turned around, but before I could even take a step, I looked over my shoulder at him. "Oh, and…um…for the record?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you and Carlos are coming with us. And not just because you have a car."

His smile widened. "So am I."

I stepped towards him to give him a quick hug, before remembering that he was bare chested. He looked at me in confusion as I froze. "Why'd you stop?"

"You're shirtless…"

"And is that a problem?"

"Yeah…kinda…"

He rolled his eyes and pulled me into a huge bear hug, evoking a squeal from me. Nevertheless I hugged him back, feeling my body relax automatically against his.

Well, this was…different…

"By the way?" he murmured, lips lightly brushing against my ear, causing me to shiver and huddle closer to him. "Zach Wilder is never going have half the dark mystery that I have. And he's sure as hell never going to be able to intrigue you the way I do. Something to think about." And with that he pulled back, lips barely ghosting against mine, before he was in his room and the door was closed.

That was definitely different.

* * *

_**Dun, dun, dun...So, things are hopefully starting to get interesting between James and Katie...maybe heating up a tiny bit? Or am I just jumping the gun? Please feel free to review and let me know if you liked the chapter and any thoughts or theories or questions you might have :) In fact, just feel free to review, period. What can I say? I'm a fanfiction author who's a review whore ;) I'm hoping you guys don't mind too much...**_


	7. Chapter 7 All's Fair in Lust and War

_**Disclaimer: *Sigh*. I don't own Big Time Rush. If I did, I'd probably be helping James celebrate his birthday right now. But I'm nowhere near the guys, so I obviously have no claim over them.**_

_**Taylor: Thank you so much! You think so? Things might be heating up a little bit...Thank you for reviewing, I really appreciate it :)**_

_**Guest (btrfanfiction1516): Aww, thank you! Really? That's so awesome! If you got that excited over the last chapter, then I obviously did my job well ;P Anyway, I'm so happy you're enjoying the story, and thank you for taking the time to review, I appreciate it :)**_

_**Dana1290: In that case, welcome to the club ;) Thank you so much! And yay, I'm happy you're liking it so far. Thank you for your review, I appreciate it so much :)**_

_**Guest: Thank you very much, and thank you for your review! :)**_

_**Per usual, a HUMONGOUS THANK YOU to everyone who has read, followed, favorited, or reviewed this story! I always appreciate it and I always get so excited when I see a new alert or review, so thank you :)**_

_**A/N: First of all, I just have to say...Happy Birthday to James Maslow! Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know the chances of him ever reading this are less than zero, but whatever, I had to say it ;P Second off...well, okay, there's not really a lot to say about this chapter, just that I hope you enjoy it :) Oh, and James, if you ever read this, consider it your 23rd birthday present from me, okay? ;)**_

_**Warnings: Language and sexual innuendos**_

_**Enjoy the chapter :)**_

* * *

**Chapter Seven – All's Fair In Lust and War**

**Katie's POV**

I couldn't get the feeling of his lips against mine out of my head – or off of my skin.

It had been a touch, not even that, but it was like a tattoo, impossible to get rid of without extensive surgery and a hell lot of pain and money.

And what was strange was that with just that half touch, I was left gasping for air, craving more desperately, needing him to come back out and kiss me until my lips were so swollen I wouldn't be able to speak.

In all honesty, it was probably a good thing that he didn't, because while I blatantly refused to constitute that mere half touch as cheating, making out with him would definitely count as two-timing and I was morally against that.

Big time.

That didn't stop me from staring helplessly at his dorm room door, wishing I had the guts to knock on said door and throw myself into his room while pushing him onto his bed and…Oomph. This was not something I should've been thinking about in the middle of a hallway. I really needed to get out of there.

I hustled out of Bastille Hall and to my own dorm, considering the pros and cons of telling Camille what had just happened with James.

I could still feel his bare skin under my hands, smooth and warm to the touch, muscles flexing with every movement.

Oh, God…those muscles…my hormones…I was a horrible girlfriend.

But I couldn't help it! He was so…oomph. I needed him naked and on top of me right then and there.

And wow, was my mind going into the gutter. I was pretty sure my mental cherry had been popped the second he had opened his dorm room door half naked.

His fault.

Not mine.

All his fault. Him and those muscles and that smirk and amazing hugs and just everything about him.

I wanted him.

That was all there was to it. I wanted him, plain and simple.

But what was I supposed to do about Zach? I loved him. Maybe I wasn't in love with him, but I did care about him, and he was a huge part of my life. I couldn't imagine not being with him, I really couldn't.

But at the same time, I couldn't imagine not having anything to do with James…

_But_, I reminded myself, _I have a couple of days away from Zach, so maybe I'll be able to get something figured out on the James front._

Something to hope for, anyway.

I slowly made my way back to my dorm room, where Cami was waiting for me. "Hey, what took you so long?"

"Got held up a little…" I admitted as I closed the door behind me and collapsed on my bed.

She immediately perked up. "By James? Do tell."

"He…um…he was shirtless…really hot…I asked him…we hugged…and then he kinda…kissed me. Not like a real kiss!" I added quickly as Camille sat straight up, mouth hanging wide open. "Like, his lips barely touched mine."

"Dude. He came onto you." She grinned widely at me. "The sex god came onto you!"

"First of all, please don't call him a sex god," I begged. "It doesn't do anything for my sanity. "And second…I know…"

"And do you want him to continue coming onto you?"

"Honestly?"

"No, I want you to lie. Yes, honestly!"

"Honestly…yes…God, Cam. If he had pulled me into his room, I probably would have started ripping his clothes off. Or, well, his sweats off, because that's all he was wearing."

She smirked. "You animal, you."

I whimpered. "It's not my fault! He just has this…thing…about him. It pulls me in and I can't get away and I don't want to and I want more and I need more and what am I supposed to do? I have a boyfriend, Camille."

"Yeah, a boyfriend who's both a dumbass and a prick. Honestly, you're better off without him," she informed me.

"But James…he's got that reputation…"

"Do you honestly believe his reputation is warranted?"

I shook my head. "Not really."

"Look, from what I've seen of him, he's a nice guy. The fact that he's smokin' hot doesn't hurt either. But my point is, despite what he's done and who he's done – "

I winced.

"Sorry. Katie, he's a good person. How does he treat you? He's nice to you, right?"

"Yeah, so nice. He's an absolute sweetheart to me – well, except for tonight."

"Eh, tonight doesn't count. Just blame sexual tension on that." She waved it aside.

"I can't have sexual tension with someone!" I cried, sitting bolt upright. "Not with someone besides Zach!"

"Forget Zach. Forget him, just for the weekend. James and Carlos are coming with us to Winchester, right?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "They're both excited."

"So use this opportunity to get to know James a little bit better. Figure out if you can see yourself dating him. Find out more about him. See if he'd be a better boyfriend for you than Zach could ever be. Give yourself a free for all this weekend," she continued on. "Anything goes, and whatever happens in Winchester stays in Winchester."

"But…what about Zach…?"

She sighed. "I wasn't going to tell you this…But I saw him flirting with Tiffany Shepherd today."

I gasped. "That cheerleader with the implants?"

"That would be her."

"Are you sure he was flirting with her? Maybe he was just being nice."

Camille snorted. "He was touching her arm, her hip, I even saw him squeeze her ass at one point. And he was whispering something in her ear, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't _can I borrow your chemistry notes_."

I bit down on my bottom lip, tugging at it. "I should probably ask him about it…"

"He'd deny it," she pointed out. "But Jo can vouch for it as well."

"Why weren't you going to tell me?"

"Because we didn't want to upset you and it's not technically any of our business. We weren't sure you'd want to know."

"I didn't want to know. But if he's going to flirt with other girls, then I should be able to flirt with other boys. This relationship isn't one sided," I added furiously. "And he was being such a jerk about me being in detention with James…what an ass."

"Yes he is."

"I wonder if he's cheated on me…"

"Hard to say," Camille shrugged. "But he's definitely looking at other girls, at the very least."

"I know." I ground my teeth. "Jerk."

"Agreed."

"Well, like you said, I'll have a weekend away from him, and maybe I can clear my head about him and James."

"Exactly. And just have fun for once in your life, Katie."

"I do have fun – "

"Bullshit. You haven't had fun since you were eleven. And I know why, but it was five years ago. You need to let yourself breathe, for once in your life."

"I will. I'll do it this weekend."

"Good." She leaned back against her pillows. "Now, can you help me study for my ethics quiz tomorrow? I still can't figure out what relativism is."

Just as I had thought, the image of shirtless James made an appearance in my dreams that night. And every single thing I had wanted in the heated moments following our half-kiss was acted out.

I didn't want it to end.

When I reluctantly opened my eyes, I caught Camille smirking over at me as she buttoned up her shirt. "You're loud," she informed me. "You moaned, you groaned, you whimpered, you whined, and you cried out James' name. You move a lot too," she added, nodding to the covers, which were pretty much crumpled at the foot of my bed. "Must've been one hell of a dream."

I whined. "Damn him!"

"More like fuck him."

"Shut up. You know, it would be so much easier if my body reacted like this to Zach."

"Yeah, but if it did react to Zach, than that'd be really gross."

I rolled my eyes. "It would be natural since he's supposed to be my boyfriend."

"Yeah, whatever. Katie, look. I know he fits into your life plan and everything, but has it ever occurred to you that you relationship with him has run its course? You two have changed, your relationship has changed. There's a reason why you're feeling these things for James but not for Zach. And that reason is that you two don't really have anything anymore. You don't have any chemistry. And you should probably consider that."

I sighed. "I'm just not sure I'm ready to let that part of my life go. And there's nothing really wrong with our relationship."

"Except for the lack of feelings and chemistry. Face it, that isn't a relationship. It's a fucking arranged marriage."

"Look, we'll see what happens this weekend. If anything happens between James and me, then I'll break up with Zach. But if nothing happens…And besides," I continued on, "James probably doesn't even want a relationship."

Camille shrugged. "It wouldn't hurt to ask."

"True…"

"You should find out. At the very least, you should see if he's a good kisser or not. But I bet he is."

I shook my head and got to my feet. "I'm going to go shower. I'll meet you at breakfast."

"Sounds like a plan."

The rest of the day dragged by slowly, seconds turning into minutes and minutes into hours. At last, it was time for detention. I glanced at my phone once more as I walked down the hall, rereading the text Zach had sent me when he had found out James was "replacing" him on the trip. I had learned some new cuss words from his text.

But at least I would have detention to take my mind off of things…Detention…Great.

My last day.

Thank goodness.

I walked into the detention classroom and immediately spotted James in his usual seat, pouring over the information about _Guys and Dolls_. My cheeks heated up, but I walked over to him anyway, sitting down beside him. "Hey."

He looked up at me and flashed me a smile. "Hey."

"So, you ready to go?"

"Yep. And Carlos is super stoked about this."

I laughed. "So are the others."

"I'm sure. Your parents are really cool with letting us use their place for the weekend?"

"My mom and stepdad are, yes."

"Are your parents are divorced?"

"They're not married anymore."

He blinked at me, before slowly nodding. "Gotcha…"

"Your parents are divorced, right?"

"Yeah."

"What's your stepmom like?"

Something flashed across James' face, before his expression hardened, his hands clenching into fists. "She's a bitch. She's the reason my dad and I don't get along."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you guys used to be close?"

"Not super close, but close enough. But then he married her when I was twelve and everything went to hell."

I eyed him, startled by the vicious look on his face. "You really hate her, don't you?" It was a strange thought, that someone could hate someone else as much as James obviously did his stepmom, but there was no other way to describe it. His entire reaction was just too obvious to misread it.

"Believe me when I say you have no idea. She took my life away from me."

"And your dad doesn't know that she's so bad?"

"He doesn't listen to me. She's got him wrapped around her finger. It's pathetic," he spat. "He eats everything she says up, and it's all lies."

"That's got to really suck," I said sympathetically, entwining his fingers with mine. "I don't know what I'd do if my stepdad was like that. It must be pretty awful."

"It is, it really is. I spent most of the summer with them…first time I've done that since freshman year. I'm never doing that again." He let out a long sigh, raking his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry. I just don't really talk about either of them very much, especially her."

"Why not?"

"No one asks," he said simply.

I opened my mouth to question him further, but at that moment Mrs. Vanderbilt called detention to order and I let the subject drop.

"So, does Zach know I'm coming with you guys?" James asked once Mrs. Vanderbilt had left the classroom.

"I texted him this morning, and he responded very colorfully." I shrugged. "But it's whatever. Camille told me she and Jo saw him flirting with another girl, so I'm not really taking his opinion into account at the moment. I'll talk to him about his flirting habits when we get back, but I just want a weekend away from him. He's turned into such a jerk and it's really getting annoying."

James nodded. "I can believe it. He really is a jerk."

"He can be. Anyway, I have a question for you…It's about Carlos."

He looked at me expectantly.

"Is Carlos gay?"

"You're asking because of his reaction to Logan, aren't you?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I mean, if it makes any difference, I don't think Logan would be opposed to it, if you get my meaning…"

James grinned. "Neither would Carlos. Yeah, Carlos is gay."

"Logan's bi. And he has a huge crush on Carlos."

"And Carlos has a huge crush on Logan. We should totally try to get them together this weekend."

"Oh, agreed," I bobbed my head enthusiastically. "Just call us unprofessional matchmakers."

"We could have our own website," he added in. "_Diamond and Knight – Amateur Matchmakers. We'll match you up with the person of your choice – for a small fee_."

I laughed. "That could be a Tumblr page."

"Something to look into this weekend," his grin brightened. "Oh, so, what're the sleeping arrangements like?"

"It's two to a room," I replied. "Well, normally. We have seven this weekend, so that might be a small problem, but I'm sure we'll figure something out. Kendall and Jo always room together, and Logan and Zach are always together, while Camille and I bunk with each other."

James gave me a sharp look. "You're not in the same room as Zach?"

I shook my head. "We're not sleeping together."

"Wait, so…you're a…virgin?" He said the word as if it was foreign, unfamiliar in his mouth.

I nodded, almost laughing at his dumbstruck expression. "Could you really imagine me being anything else?"

"I guess not. It's just…you and Zach have been together for awhile, so I figured…"

"Nope. We've never had sex."

"Oh. Wow. Okay. Are you just not interested, or – ?"

"I think it's both of us. He doesn't really seem to have a huge interest in sleeping with me, or maybe he just wants to be responsible."

"And you?"

"I originally thought I was waiting for college," I said slowly.

"And now?"

I looked up into his face, biting at my lip as I met his gaze. "Now I'm not so sure I want to wait for college. There might be someone else who I want to be with, and he's graduating this year, and probably won't be going to the same university as me."

His eyes widened as my words sank in. "Fuck, Katie," he whispered out.

"But we'll see," I continued on. "And there's Zach…I'm really hoping this weekend helps me figure stuff out when it comes to him."

"I – yeah. Let's hope so." James nodded, face a little flushed. "I still don't see why you're with him."

"It's kind of…complicated. Let's just say Zach fits the standards I set for myself when I started looking at boys."

"And I don't?"

"You're everything that goes against my standards."

"But you still want me."

"Against my better judgment," I admitted. "You're everything I should hate…but I can't even work up any animosity towards you."

"So…okay. Let's get back to the room situation. I imagine Kendall and Jo will want to be in the same room. We could probably get Logan and Carlos together…"

"Camille has always hated sharing a room," I added, my voice turning quiet. "And we have enough bedrooms for her to have her own…"

"That leaves us," he pointed out.

"I know. Fuck." I ran my fingers through my hair while thinking that our little exchange the night before had really thrown me off my game.

"Did you just say _fuck_?" James suddenly asked me.

"Yes. Yes I did. Because it's _insane_. We only met on Monday, and now this whole…thing…is just growing bigger and bigger. It's like a ball that rolls down a hill. As it goes, it moves faster and faster, picking up momentum. That's what this thing with us feels like. We didn't even have a _thing_ yesterday. And we shouldn't now, because I'm with Zach."

"Until you realize that maybe he's not actually up to your standards."

"We'll see."

"Yes. Yes, will."

"I still can't believe you said the F word."

"That makes two of us. I don't think I've ever said it before."

"Hey, there's a first time for everything."

I shook my head. "You're corrupting me, you know that? You're seriously corrupting me."

He grinned. "And you're loving every second of it."

"I shouldn't be…"

"But?"

"But…I totally am."

"Good." He leaned back in his seat, looking very proud of himself.

* * *

**James' POV**

"How was detention?" Carlos asked me when I returned to our dorm. He was doing some last minute packing, but he paused when I walked in through the door.

"It was…interesting."

His eyebrows shot up. "Interesting, how?"

"She…um…pretty much told me that she wants to sleep with me."

"She _what_?"

"She implied that she wants to have sex with me." I sank down onto my bed, raking my fingers through my hair. "Fuck, Carlos. She has a boyfriend…But I can't even respect that because he's such a possessive and arrogant piece of shit."

"So, why is she still with him if she wants to sleep with you?" He sat down beside me, eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"Basically he fits into the standards she set for herself a few years back. But she's wondering about him now, she's wondering if he's really worth it. And she's confused because she can't figure out how there can be so much chemistry between us when we've only known each other for a few days. And I can't say that I blame her – I'm confused as hell, too. It doesn't make any sense…"

"Do these things ever make any sense?" Carlos pointed out. "Come on, you two have insane chemistry and you've kind of been…attracted to each other since the moment you first saw each other, it was so obvious. You're into each other, and you need each other. I've never seen you like this around a girl. And I'm sure Katie's never been like this when it comes to a boy. She's with Zach for safety purposes, and because it's convenient. But something's going to give, that much is obvious."

"I just…This is killing me. Practically kissing her last night and then just closing the door almost did me in. I was about ready to jump her in detention. I don't know what to do."

"Just play it by ear," he suggested. "Don't worry about her boyfriend – that's her job."

"She thinks he might be cheating on her. At the very least, he's been flirting with other girls."

"Really?"

I nodded. "Yeah. She told me in detention. Camille and Jo saw him with another girl."

He let out a low whistle. "Wow. What a prick."

"I know, right?"

"Well, I doubt she's going to care too much about what he thinks of her for a few days, at the very least."

"She's pissed, it's pretty obvious."

"So yeah, just play it by ear, let her lead. I'm not saying she'd be right if she ends up cheating on Zach with you, but…"

"Wilder would deserve it."

"That he would. Very much so."

"So, I'll just see what happens."

"Exactly. It's pretty much the only thing you can do."

I gave him a small smile. "Thanks. This whole situation's seriously fucking with me."

"So I see. But hey, that's what friends are for, right? To help get your head back on straight."

"Right." I stood up, stretching out. "You almost ready to head out to meet up with them?"

"Yep, just about." He knelt down on the floor and zipped up his duffel bag. "So, what's the rooming situation looking like? Did you ask her?"

"I did. You might get to share a room with Logan," I grinned at him as I hoisted my own duffel bag up over my shoulder.

He immediately began sputtering.

"And Katie and I might be rooming together…But we'll see what happens."

"Dude…if you two end up in the same room together…I mean, she pretty much said that she wants to fuck you, and you're obviously helpless when it comes to her."

I nodded. "I know. But yeah, we'll see what happens."

"Better bring condoms," Carlos suggested. "Just in case."

I pulled out my nightstand drawer and quickly located the pack of condoms I kept in there, before setting my bag down and stashing them in one of the pockets. I lifted my bag back up and Carlos and I headed out together, locking our room up behind us.

We quickly located Kendall Knight's blue Toyota Yaris. The others, save for Kendall, were leaning against it, chatting away, though the talking died down as Carlos and I approached.

Katie smiled brightly at me. "Everyone knows each other, right?"

"Yep," Camille chirped. "Hey, James, hey, Carlos."

"Hey," we greeted her.

"Kendall should be here in a few minutes," Katie told us, "He's always running late."

"Always," Jo agreed, shaking her head. "I love that boy, but he drives me nuts sometimes."

"Anyway, how should we do the car arrangements?" Katie asked. "I mean, Kendall can take five, and I can go in James' car with him…"

"And leave you two alone together? I think not," Logan spoke up. "I know you're still with Zach, but I can feel the sparks flying between you guys. I'll go with you."

"I'll join you," Carlos added quickly.

"So…okay. That leaves Jo, Cami, and Kendall," Katie said, cocking her head to the side. "I guess that's fair enough."

"Good," Logan said firmly. "Because I have a feeling this weekend's going to be interesting enough without you two getting fined by some state trooper for having sex in the backseat of James' car."

Katie's cheeks burnt bright red, but I just shrugged. "It'd probably be the hottest thing the cop would ever see."

Camille laughed. "Yeah, I like you," she informed me. "Anyway…oh, check it out. Here comes Kendall."

We all turned to find a tall, lanky guy with dark blond hair striding towards us, backpack hitched over his shoulders. "I see I'm the last one to arrive," he commented as he reached us.

"As always," Jo rolled her eyes.

"Aww, but you love me anyway."

"That I do." She reached up to peck his lips. "Anyway, we figured out the car pooling situation. Logan, Carlos, and Katie are going with James in his car, while Cami and I will be in your car."

Kendall shrugged. "Sounds good."

I led Katie, Logan, and Carlos over to my car while the others began loading the Toyota up. I unlocked the trunk of my car, and we piled our luggage in before piling in, Katie in the front with me, and Carlos and Logan in the back.

"So," Katie said as she pulled out her phone, fiddling with it. "I have a GPS app, and I've got it all set up. It should direct us, and if it gets confused I can always take over as navigator. I just think it'd be a little more accurate than me."

I nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

"Cool."

"And if you get us lost, I can redirect us," Logan added teasingly to Katie from behind her. "So we should be good to go."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Whatever you say, Professor Mitchell."

"I'm not a professor yet."

"_Yet_ being the operative word." Katie rolled her eyes at me and I grinned at her.

We buckled up and I started the car, before backing out of the parking space. I followed Kendall out of the parking lot and down the road, onto the main street.

And that was that. We were off for the weekend.

* * *

_**Well, there ya go. I was originally going to put their first night at the Knights' cabin in the chapter, but James and Katie insisted on having their different says so it got a little too long. Anyway, I hope you liked it, and I'd love it if you reviewed :)**_


	8. Chapter 8 Annoyance to Acceptance

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush. I also don't own any of the songs mentioned in this chapter. They are property of Halestorm, Theory of a Deadman, Metallica, and Ester Dean and their labels. I'm just borrowing them for entertainment purposes (also because they're freaking awesome songs).**_

_**Guest#1: I'm sorry you had to wait a few days, but I'm very happy to hear that ;) Thank you for taking the time to review, I really appreciate it!**_

_**KnylonMaslow: Thank you so much! Haha that about sums James up ;) I'm so happy you're still enjoying it! And thank you for your review, I always appreciate it :)**_

_**Dana1290: Giddiness is good! Yay! I'm glad you can! Thank you so much, you're so sweet :) I'm not picky about the language you use in reviews so don't worry about it. And I don't blame you in the least. Zach may not be based off of anyone I know, but he's turned into everything I can't stand in a guy. Anyway, thank you again and thank you for reviewing! I always appreciate it :)**_

_**Guest#2: Here's your update :) And thank you so much! Also, thank you for taking the time to review, I appreciate it :)**_

_**Guest#3: Here you go :) And thank you for your review, I really appreciate it :)**_

_**THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who has read, followed, favorited, or reviewed this story! I checked on the review count the other day out of sheer curiosity and almost screamed in excitement when I saw that there were 89 reviews! That's amazing! Thank you so, so, so much :)**_

_**A/N: Hmm...so...This chapter was supposed to be posted on Friday...and then it was supposed to be posted yesterday...which obviously didn't happen. I was trying to get chapter nine finished because I wanted to make sure I had another chapter written before I posted it, but I've been slacking on it so yeah...didn't happen. Hopefully I'll get it finished so that you guys don't have to wait too long for an update, but I make no promises.**_

_**Also, big shout out to Dana2184 who constantly has to put up with me whining "James and Katie aren't doing what I want them to do". Call me crazy all you want, but I'm a firm believer that characters have minds of their own and the proof is with these two. They never do what I tell them to. They even changed one of the major plot lines so that they could have a weekend to themselves! Oh, and I also have to thank Dana for constantly putting up with my story teasing, which I constantly do because, what can I say? I'm a story tease. Anyway, go and check out her Jatie story "Fresh Start" if you haven't already! She has two chapters up and really needs to post the third one (hint, hint, nudge, nudge). But it's so good and really original and just plain awesome. Oh, and read her other one shots while you're at it if you have the time ;) Please? Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?**_

_**I also got a tumblr. Well, okay, I've actually had a tumblr, I made it one day when I was bored out of my mind but never did anything with it. But I've started it back up so if you're interested, my account is goldenfantasy93.**_

_**One more thing: Something is more or less revealed in this chapter, and I just want to say that the thing was planned from the beginning. Hopefully you guys will see what I mean.**_

_**Warnings: Language, innuendos, Zach is an ass, and Logan decides to shake what his mamma gave him.**_

_**Enjoy the chapter :)**_

* * *

**Chapter Eight – Annoyance is the First Step to Acceptance**

**James' POV**

The town of Dalton, Minnesota is essentially nothing more than a few kitschy, tourist shops and a couple of restaurants on the main drag. It gets most of its business from bored, rich Dalton Prep students who have nothing better to do than buy bumper stickers with a Viking cussing in Norwegian.

There's also a museum, a small little thing, on the history of Dalton. You can get through it in fifteen minutes if you don't stop for coffee and a piece of cheesecake in the museum's café.

The cheesecake generally slows people down.

Once you actually get outside of Dalton, however, it's all two lane freeway, with the occasional exit to small towns and cities. Occasionally Dalton Prep would arrange field trips to museums and plays in Albertson, the nearest city to Dalton. It was the second turnoff on the freeway, and was pretty much the place any of the students went if they wanted a weekend in a city.

But it wasn't where we were headed.

It wasn't until I actually got on the freeway that I realized how uncomfortable Katie looked. She was constantly fidgeting, playing with her hair and tapping her fingers against her leg, her fist clenching and unclenching. I flashed back to what she had said the day before in detention, that she had been in a car accident when she was younger and wasn't really a big fan of cars now…I kind of had to wonder just how bad the car crash had been. Chances were, it hadn't just been a fender-bender.

I glanced in the rearview mirror and caught Logan's eyes, tilting my head silently towards Katie. He nodded back, seeming to get the message.

"So, Katie," he spoke up. "Is Zach really pissed that James is going in his place?"

Katie glanced over her shoulder at him as I chuckled. "He's not thrilled. I think he's more upset that we're going without him, though."

"Why?" Carlos piped up. "Did he really think you would cancel the trip to Winchester because he missed a test?"

"Yes," she said blatantly. "That's exactly what he thought. And he's mad I refused to bow out. And of course, James and you being here just adds salt to the wound. Like I care right now."

Logan's eyebrows slotted together as he frowned. "You're mad at him? I mean, of course you are, he was being an ass about this, but…is there more to it?"

Katie leaned forward, turning on the radio. A moment later, loud guitars and a woman's screaming voice blasted from the speakers:

"'_Love bites, but so do I, so do I_

_Love bites, but so do I, so do I_

_Love bites!_

_My lips are pale and vicious_

_You're foaming at the mouth_

_You've suffered in the darkness_

_I'll suck the pain right out_

_So come and taste the reason_

_I'm nothing like the rest_

_I'll kiss you in a way you'll never forget…about me…'"_

"Holy crap!" Katie shrieked over the song. "What the heck is this?"

"It's Halestorm…Don't you like it?"

She looked at me as if I was nuts. "Who the hell sings like that?!"

"Lzzy Hale. Come on, Halestorm rocks."

She shuddered in response and flipped to the next station.

"_My girlfriend's a dick magnet_

_My girlfriend's gotta have it_

_She's hot, can't stop, up on stage doing shots_

_Tip the man he'll ring the bell_

_Get her drunk she'll scream like hell_ – "

Katie hit the button for the next station.

"_Say your prayers little one _

_Don't forget my son _

_To include everyone _

_I tuck you in _

_Warm within _

_Keep you free from sin _

_'Til the sandman he comes_

_Exit light _

_Enter night _

_Take my hand _

_We're off to never never-land_ – "

Next station.

"_They wanna see me drop it, drop it, drop it_

_Wanna pop it, pop it, pop it, shake that ass on the floor_

_You wanna see me shake it, shake it, shake it_

_Yeah you like it, like it, like it when I drop it down real low_

_Yeah boy, you like that_

_I can tell that you like that_

_Yeah boy, you love it when my booty goes_

_Boom, ba-ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom, boom_!"

Katie turned to me. "Don't you listen to KISS?"

"Yeah, the band's awesome."

"I meant the station."

"Oh…Nope."

In the backseat, Carlos was singing along to the song:

"_He told me, _

_Move that ass around_

_And move that ass around_

_And move that ass around_

_And move that ass around (He said)_

_Move that ass around_

_And move that ass around_

_And move that ass around_

_And move that ass around._

_I can't stop staring at ya body_

_Put my hands on ya body, _

_You sexy for sure, _

_You the real deal kinda hottie_

_Come ride in my bogotti _

_Girl come drop it low._

Yeah girl I like that (oohh yeah)

_I can tell that I like that (oohh yeah)_

_Yeah girl I love when, _

_When you booty goes boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom (drop ittt)_

_Drop it, drop it low girl_."

Katie stared at him, even as Logan joined in singing. I cracked up at the expression on Katie's face and the sight of Logan in his sweater vest and pocket protector shaking his ass around in the backseat of my car.

"_He told me, _

_Move that ass around_

_And move that ass around_

_And move that ass around_

_And move that ass around (He said)_

_Move that ass around_

_And move that ass around_

_And move that ass around_

_And move that ass around._

You say you like the way my

_Booty booty booty booty pop_

_You say you like the way my_

_Booty booty booty booty rock_

_You say you like the way my_

_Booty booty booty booty drop, drop, _

_Dropped, dropped_

Girl I like the way your booty booty

_Booty booty pop_

_Girl I like the way your booty booty_

_Booty booty drop_

_Girl I like the way your booty booty_

_Booty booty_

_Boom boom boom boom_

_Boom boom boom (yeahehheaaa)_

Drop it drop it low girl

And I told her,

_Move that ass around_

_And move that ass around_

_And move that ass around_

_And move that ass around (He said)_

_Move that ass around_

_And move that ass around_

_And move that ass around_

_And move that ass around._

_Drop it drop it low girl_

_Drop it drop it low_

_Drop it low_."

"I think I've just been scarred for life," Katie informed them, shaking her head.

Logan shrugged. "If you had seen the _Bling Ring_ like I told you to, you'd know the song."

"I didn't want to see the _Bling Ring_! It's about a bunch of teenagers robbing people's houses! How is that a good movie?"

"Anyway, what else did Zach do?" Logan went back to the original question.

Katie sighed. "Camille and Jo saw him flirting with another girl. Like, _really_ flirting with her."

"As opposed to only slightly flirting with her?"

She threw him a dirty look.

"Sorry, sorry, I couldn't resist."

"Uh huh. Sure. Anyway, Cami told me last night."

"Have you asked him about it?" I spoke up.

"Not yet. I don't really want to talk to him at the moment. He's been such a jerk lately…" She shook her head. "It's just not worth it."

"Not even for your peace of mind?"

"Not even for that." She changed the station, finally settling on a pop one. I exited off the freeway a few minutes later, getting on a country road not too long after.

Just as I was about to switch lanes, Katie's phone rang. I made the change and turned into a small town about a half hour away from Winchester. Katie pulled her phone out of her purse and put it up to her ear. "What, Zach?"

I bit my lip, focusing on the road, but I couldn't tune out her end of the conversation.

"…No, I told you I wasn't cancelling the trip, I was very clear about that. I don't get why you think I would cancel it just because you did something stupid. No, Zach, it's not fair to the others, and at the moment, I'm a little more concerned about them then how you feel. No…No…Yes, James Diamond and Carlos Garcia with us, James is driving. I'm in his car…Why is that a problem? Logan and Carlos are in the car with us, it's not like he's going to – did you really just say that? Did you really just call Logan that? You know what? Screw you, you asshole." She hung up, eyes glinting furiously, her jaw set.

"What did the jackass say?" I asked offhandedly.

"It's not important. He's got issues is all I can say."

"Okay…"

"Just keep driving, it's nothing to get upset about. I just hope he has a good excuse for saying what he said."

I kept my mouth shut, not bothering to make any comments. I had a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that I knew what Zach had called Logan, and that alone made me want to punch the fucker in the mouth. And apparently Katie felt the same way, considering the way she kept furling and unfurling her fists, as if itching to hit something as hard as she could. Her jaw never relaxed and her eyes refused to soften, remaining a hard, steely brown.

I followed the rest of the GPS's instructions to Winchester and drove through the town to a road leading around to a cluster of trees. I turned onto a narrow, dirt hill, climbing upwards and emerging to overlook a gorgeous lake, surrounded by trees and several large houses. I let out a low whistle.

"Holy shit."

Katie looked up. "You like it?"

"Yeah, it's beautiful."

She smiled. "Thanks."

"I thought you said your family had a _cabin_. Those don't look like cabins."

She shrugged. "I under exaggerated?"

"I'll say…"

Katie turned the GPS off and directed me to the Knights' place, which in actuality was a huge three story house, styled in a log cabin fashion, with a gravel driveway winding up to the garage and wrap around decks rounding out all three floors. A rich lawn rolled out over the cliff the house was perched on, a hill sloping down to the lake's beach. It was beyond incredible, absolutely breathtaking.

I pulled into the driveway and parked, shutting off the ignition. We all unbuckled and clambered out of the car, just as Kendall, Jo, and Camille drove up beside us, parking as well. Kendall got the front door unlocked for us and we began to carry our luggage inside, piling it in the front hall. The house smelled of cedar, and the inside walls were decorated with paintings and photographs of fishes and birds.

"So, where's everyone sleeping?" Kendall spoke up. "Because I was thinking Jo and I would be in my room, like usual."

"Logan and Carlos can be together," Katie volunteered at once. "In the guest room at the end of the hall."

Kendall nodded in agreement. "That works. So…are you and Camille going to be together…or…?"

"Katie promised me the room with the twin bed," Camille piped up. "I'm going to be really disappointed if I don't get that one."

Kendall glanced back and forth between Katie and me. "You two going to be okay sharing a room?"

"It's fine," Katie said quickly. "James? You cool with it?"

"Yeah, not a problem." I nodded to show my agreement, and Kendall gave me a small smile.

We disbanded after that, heading up to our separate rooms. Katie led me to her room and pushed the door open.

I had expected a room with a lot of pink and lace and a huge canopy bed, but instead there was a sturdy, dark wood, queen sized bed covered in a pale blue and white down comforter, an equally sturdy dresser, and a built in closet. A glance out the window through the netted white curtains told me that we were facing the lake, and a sliding door led out to the balcony.

"What do you think?" Katie asked me as I stepped into the room.

"It's as beautiful as the rest of the house," I said honestly. "I really like it."

"Thanks. You were probably expecting a lot of pink and stuff."

"A little bit," I admitted. "I'm surprised."

She smirked slightly. "Well, make yourself at home."

"Will do." I set my stuff down and she followed my lead. "So, which side of the bed do you prefer?"

Katie shrugged. "I don't really have a preference. You?"

"Not really."

"Guess we'll just have to wing it."

"Guess so," I agreed as she settled her pillow at the head of the bed and plopped down on it, smoothing out the comforter around her.

"So, the bathroom's through that door – " she pointed to a door I had mistaken as a second closet – "just so you know."

I nodded. "Thanks."

"Welcome. Hey, do you know what we're doing for dinner?"

I shook my head. "No idea."

"Eh, Kendall's probably going to order pizza. We'll be living off of that this weekend," she laughed, curling her legs under her. I smiled a little as I watched her laugh, her entire face lighting up and her hair cascading down her back. She was so beautiful…I had never thought I would ever want anyone the way I wanted her. I had never even considered the idea that there might be a girl out there who could make me want to hold her and cuddle her and kiss her senseless and buy her flowers on her birthday and get her chocolate when she was sad. I wanted to kiss away her tears and just stare at her every time she laughed. I wanted to bask in her presence, be the only guy in her life, be the one she loved and wanted. Not Zach. Not anyone else. Just me.

It sounded so much like love…Something I had never wanted to experience. Because if I fell in love, then that would leave me open to being hurt, to being used, to having my heart broken. It would mean I would find myself opening up to the other person, telling them things I had never told anyone else, feeling things I had shut myself out to. Things I had never wanted to feel. And I was feeling them…God, was I feeling them. And fuck, if it wasn't both overwhelming and addictive at the same time.

All I knew was that if I didn't get out of there, I would end up doing something I would later regret. I would kiss her for real, not just a simple brush of the lips. I would plead with her to dump Zach for me. I would tell her things I didn't ever want to tell anyone.

I had to get out of there.

I backed away towards the door, still staring at Katie. "I'm going to go ask Kendall…"

She looked at me. "Okay…"

I almost dashed out of the room, closing the door behind me. This weekend was going to be a lot harder than I had thought it would be.

* * *

**Katie's POV**

I watched James leave, a little bit confused. His exit was so abrupt, almost like he was trying to get away from me. I furrowed my brow, staring at the closed door. Had I done something wrong? Was he upset about something?

I ran my fingers through my hair, shucking my confusion aside. If he was still acting weird at dinner, then I'd ask him about it. But he really might have just been curious about whether or not Kendall was getting pizza. It was entirely possible, especially since he was a teenage boy. I had seen from across the room the amount he ate at meals, and it was pretty astonishing. It was so unfair that he could eat that much and still look absolutely amazing.

Boys.

Hmmph.

I got to my feet and walked over to the door, locking the door. I changed out of my school uniform and slipped into jeans and a tank top, topping it off with a hoodie. A little while later, Kendall called up to me to let me know dinner had arrived, so I made my way downstairs.

Just as I had suspected, we ended up gorging ourselves on pizza. James seemed back to normal, cracking jokes and laughing, chatting with the rest of our group. Carlos and Logan seemed pretty comfortable with each other as well, exchanging anecdotes from various classes and talking about their biology class. I smiled, taking note how well James and Carlos both fit in with the others, Jo and Camille taking to them immediately, and Kendall asking James questions about his car.

Dinner went by quickly, and before long the guys retired to the living room to watch some hockey game that was on. Jo had to call her mom, and Camille was planning on auditioning for "A Midsummer's Dream", for the role of Ophelia, so she was using the evening to go over some of her lines. I ended up heading back to my room, laying across my bed and letting out a sigh. I couldn't really seem to focus on anything; my brain just felt too scattered. I knew I should be worried about that night, how James and I would manage sharing a bed, but I couldn't force myself to think about that. Instead, all I could feel was restlessness, waiting for him to come back up to the room. I was anxious, though not actually nervous. Just…I wanted him to get up here already. I had no idea what was going to happen between us this weekend, if anything was going to happen, if I was even going to be able to let anything happen, but I couldn't help but feel a little hopeful…

I sat up, just as my phone began to ring. I let out a huffy breath but grabbed it, answering it without looking at the Caller ID. "Hello?"

"Hey, Katie…"

It was Zach.

"What?" I snapped. "What do you want?"

"Look, I'm sorry about what I said about Logan. I didn't mean it – "

"You called him a – a – a F. A. G. That's not okay. You don't even have any proof that he's gay, if he even is."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I was way out of line, and I know that now. Please forgive me."

I sighed. "We'll talk about it when I get back to school, okay?"

"Why are we putting it on hold for the weekend? Is it because of Diamond?"

"Is what because of James?"

"You blowing me off. You've been really distant this past week, ever since you met him in detention. What's going on, Katie?"

"Nothing! I just don't like how you seem to be pushing and prodding me at every twist and turn. I'm not your property, Zach."

"I know you're not! I never said otherwise!"

"Look, I just…I need a break. You've been really obnoxious, and I need a break from that."

"Well, can we just talk tonight?"

"I suppose…"

"Good. I need your help. Can you help me prep for my test?"

My eyes narrowed slightly. "Is that why you called? To get my help?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, I don't know this stuff. You do. So, drill me?"

"No. You know what, forget it. I don't want to talk to you or hear from you at all this weekend. In fact, I'm breaking up with you for the weekend. We'll talk – maybe – when I get back to Dalton Prep." And with that, I hung up, sighing again. Wow. That was one heck of a lame breakup. But at least it was something…I had no plans to take him back. He would have to seriously get an attitude adjustment before he could expect me to go out with him again…or at least a really good excuse…

In all honesty, I wasn't sure I wanted to give up on our relationship quite yet. We had gone out for almost three years, and while it wasn't perfect, it wasn't awful either. But something had to give, even if it was just for a few days. Maybe all we needed was a break. Or maybe we just simply weren't meant to be…

Before I could think on that any further, the door creaked open and James slipped into the room.

"Hey," he greeted me. "Something wrong?"

"I…um…broke up with Zach. For the weekend," I clarified before he could say anything. "I don't know what's going to happen when we get back."

"Ah." He slowly nodded his head, walking over to the bed to sit down beside me. "So, he really pissed you off?"

I sighed once more. "He called Logan a F. A. G when I was talking to him in the car, and then he called me up to apologize just so that I would get him to help him prepare for a test."

He whistled. "Wow. What a prick."

"I know."

"Are you okay?" James asked me in concern. "Are you upset, or – ?"

I shrugged. "I'm okay. I don't know if this breakup is permanent. It might be, but I don't know…we have a long history. I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to let that go."

"Oh."

"But at the same time…I don't like who he's become. I really don't. And I'm not sure I really want to be with him anymore. Plus…there's that person I'm really attracted to." I sneaked a peek at him to gauge his reaction. He didn't move, didn't bat an eyelash, so I continued on. "And that's pretty confusing in itself. I'd really like to see what could happen with him, but I can't do that if Zach and I are together…"

He turned to face me. "So, I guess you need to figure out which one of us you want more."

I swallowed. "Please don't put it that way…It's not a competition."

"Because he would win."

"I didn't say that – "

"He has history with you in a way I don't. It would be natural for you to choose him."

"James, it's not that. I don't know how I'm feeling. And I'm sorry. I feel like a total flake. I'm not trying to lead either of you on, I swear. I'm just…"

"Confused," he finished for me. "Join the club."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For…I don't know. I'm just sorry. I don't know why you like me."

He pressed his lips together, resting his elbows on his legs, his chin on his fist. "Because you're beautiful. Because you're smart and funny and amazing and nice. Because you have this vibrance about you that even Zach Wilder can't mute. Because in a way, you're everything I've ever wanted, and everything I can't have." He looked over at me, and I was ready for him.

Without a second thought, I closed the space between us, pressing my lips to his, and he kissed me back at once.

Kissing him was nothing like kissing Zach. It was fire and sparks and thunder and lightning, a roaring sizzle, burning and smoking and snapping, while somehow being smooth and sweet and gentle at the same time.

It was everything I could have ever imagined, and more so. He was everything I had never let myself want…every single hidden desire, every secret need. I wanted him more than anything, and as I pushed closer, his arms encircling my waist, I found myself mentally pleading with him to never let me go.

In that moment, he was my entire world, there was nothing outside of us, no one else beside us. He was mine and I was his, and that was all that mattered. Zach didn't exist, nor did the girls he had been with long before we had officially met.

If someone had told me last Friday that in exactly a week I would be making out with James Diamond in my bedroom at the Winchester lake house, I would have informed them that they were insane. But a lot had changed in a week…So much…

At last, James pulled back, breathing hard. "What – what was that for?" he asked, sounding as if he was trying to get his voice under control.

"I just…felt like it…"

"Katie…" His voice was soft, almost a caress. "You need comfort, but – "

"No. Comfort is one thing I don't need. I need you, James. I don't know how or to what extent, but there's just something about you…"

"You don't need me. Believe me, you don't. I'm not someone you want to get involved with."

"You're not a bad person. I told you that the day we met. Whatever it is that shaped you into the bad boy, it's only part of who you are. There's so much more to you than that. James…please…"

"You don't want to know what shaped me," he informed me brusquely, getting to his feet. "Believe me, you really don't."

"Yes, I do. I want to understand. Whatever it is, whatever that happened…please…just tell me."

"I've never told anyone. If I had, I would have been sent away, locked up in some sort of rehabilitation facility," he spat. "I would have been labeled a freak, and my parents would have never looked at me the same way again."

"What happened?" I pleaded. "I won't judge, I promise. And I won't tell anyone. What happened to you?"

He shook his head. "It's not…It's just…"

"Was it your stepmom?" I asked. "Did she…I mean, it's obvious you dislike her intensely."

James pursed his lips together, his eyes darkening. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"So, what happened? You don't have to tell me the whole story, but at least give me an idea of what it was…"

He looked at me, running his fingers through his hair. "She's abusive."

"Oh…"

"Yeah. You know, I think I'm going to go grab something to drink. You want anything?"

I shook my head. "I'm – I'm good."

"Okay." He left the room, closing the door behind him once more.

I laid back on the bed, letting out a deep breath. So…his stepmom was abusive…and I had a feeling I knew just what type of abusive she was.

* * *

_**Well, revelations are always fun, aren't they? Some of you probably saw that coming. Also, I know Katie probably seems flaky at this point in time, and it's on purpose. She is flaky - she's confused and wants one thing but also wants the other thing even though it's not necessarily good for her.**_

_**Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter :) And please review, I'd really appreciate. :)**_


	9. Chapter 9 High and Low

_**Disclaimer: If I owned Big Time Rush, chances are I wouldn't be writing Jatie fanfics. So no, I do not own Big Time Rush.**_

_**Guest#1: You think so? I'm glad you liked it :) And thank you for reviewing!**_

_**Guest#2: Here's the update! Aww, thank you so much! You're so sweet and that means so much :) And thank you for taking the time to review!**_

_**KnylonMaslow: Agreed :( And Katie definitely does. Haha I can't promise that since I'm *hoping* to keep this story T rated, but I might just say the hell with it ;) Anyway, there will be more kisses, so you have that to look forward to. And thank you for your review!**_

_**Reader-Person: Wow, really? That's so awesome! Thank you so much for reading it and for taking the time to review :)**_

_**Taylor: FFN's gone through some changes again, so that might be why. But thank you for reviewing :) And I'm happy you're still enjoying the story!**_

_**Asdfghjkl: Thank you so much and thank you for reviewing! And here's the chapter :)**_

_**Guest#3: That she is. Agreed. Haha you liked that part? Thank you for your review!**_

_**HUGE SHOUT OUT and thank yous to everyone who has taken the time to read, follow, favorite, and review this story! You guys freaking rock!**_

_**A/N: First of all, I just have to say thank you for all the amazing reviews I got for Chapter 8. Not only that, but this story is now at 103 reviews! That's effing incredible, people! Thank you so much!**_

_**So, I wasn't sure when I was going to get this chapter up. I had most of it written when I posted Chapter 8 but I didn't have it finished. This is kind of an emotionally turbulent chapter (like the others aren't like that) so writing it was a little bit difficult at times, but I seem to have trouble stepping away from this story (and just watch me not updated for like two months after saying that) so that's why this chapter is getting posted not even a week after the last one.**_

_**Also, there's a lot of ups and downs in this chapter, so be prepared for that. Originally it was supposed to steadily build, but James and Katie don't listen to me. Okay? They just don't listen and I almost didn't get something in that I wanted to get in. But I did, so yay. :) On a similar note, I am totally blaming Halestorm's song "Private Parts" for the emotional roller coaster that this chapter is. It's an amazing song, though, and I'm in love with it, so I'll let it go. Well, now that I've talked this chapter up so well...moving on.**_

_**Warnings: Language and sexual innuendos. Also, a certain word is actually said, rather than spelled out like it was in the last chapter.**_

_**Enjoy the chapter :)**_

* * *

**Chapter Nine – High and Low**

**James' POV**

By the time I walked into the kitchen, I had managed to get my thoughts and memories under control, and I was pretty sure my expression was no longer wild and caged, but controlled and contained.

That was the most I had ever told anyone about my stepmom, Kimberly. Mainly it was because no one had asked, but also because it wasn't something I wanted to think about, much less voice. It was a lot easier to just pretend that she didn't exist, to act like there wasn't a single layer to peel back, that there was nothing under my bad boy persona.

But Katie was breaking through, forcing my walls down, and I was helpless, completely incapable of warding her off. If I hadn't walked out of her room, I would have spilled every single bad memory I had without any hint of sugarcoating. And I couldn't do that, I couldn't tell her any of that, and I didn't want her to know. I didn't want her to look at me like a freak of nature. I didn't want to hear that I needed to go to therapy. I didn't want her to push me away in disgust or to call me a liar or to treat me like I was trauma victim.

She would never know.

And neither would anyone else.

But what if she guessed? What if she was able to read between the lines? What if she had figured out every little thing that I had refused to say? What if she wanted to…talk…when I got back up there? Then what? What did I do? What was I supposed to do?

If only they had a rulebook for this sort of situation.

I opened the fridge, staring blankly into it, not even registering the different flavors of soda, the various bottles of water, spread out over the racks. I was still repeating Katie's and my conversation in my head.

_"You're not a bad person. I told you that the day we met. Whatever it is that shaped you into the bad boy, it's only part of who you are. There's so much more to you than that. James…please…I want to understand. Whatever it is, whatever that happened…please…just tell me."_

_"I've never told anyone…"_

_"I won't judge, I promise. And I won't tell anyone. What happened to you…Was it your stepmom?"_

_"She's abusive."_

So simply put…but with so many meanings…I couldn't even really put a meaning to it. Nothing described it. Nothing.

"You know, no matter how long you stand there staring at it, the drinks aren't going to start tap dancing."

I turned around to see Logan standing there, a small, amused smile on his face.

"What? Oh…" I ran my hand over my face before grabbing a bottle of water. "I guess I was zoning out."

"So I noticed. What's up?"

"Nothing important."

"B.S. You look really out of it, dude."

"It's nothing," I insisted, twisting the cap off of the bottle and taking a swig of water.

"James, I may not really know you but I'm good at reading people. And something's obviously bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know…"

"I know it sounds kind of like a chick thing – don't tell Katie I said _chick_, she'll kill me – but believe it or not, talking _can_ help."

I sighed, sitting down at the hardwood table. Logan took a seat beside me, looking at me with concern written all over his face.

"It's just…" I licked my lips. "I told Katie something really personal because she asked. She was pretty insistent. And…I don't know…"

"She didn't react right?"

"No, I didn't give her a chance to react. I just kind of made a break for it."

Logan stared at me. "Why?"

"Because…because it was something I had never told anyone else and I didn't want to see her reaction. I don't want to know what her reaction is. I just…if she sees me differently…I don't know if I could handle it."

"Well, the only way to find out if she sees you any differently is if you go back up there and talk to her," Logan pointed out. "Chances are she doesn't. Katie doesn't judge. If she does, it's only because she's trying to convince herself of something that she knows in her heart isn't true. She was like that when she first met you – she didn't want to believe that you're actually a really nice guy. Zach managed to convince her for, like, five hours that you're actually a womanizing jerk. And then she talked to you again and more or less got her head on straight. I guess she finally accepted that you're a nice guy."

I gaped at him. "Why would she want to think otherwise?"

"Because it's easier. Admitting that you're a nice guy with a fucked up reputation and maybe a couple of issues – not judging, I'm just saying – would mean having to admit that she actually likes you. It would mean admitting that maybe Zach isn't the only guy she wants. It would mean admitting that there's someone she wants, someone she wants more than anything else in the world."

"Getting a little overdramatic, aren't you?"

"Nope. I see the way she looks at you. And Camille and Carlos both told me that Katie admitted to you that she wants to sleep with you. I'm pretty sure the girl has never once looked at Zach and thought, _hmm, I'd really like to tap that_."

I continued to look at him, pretty sure I had just entered an alternate universe. Since when did Logan Mitchell say _tap that_?

Logan shrugged. "Just saying."

"Right…"

At that moment, there was the sound of soft footsteps and a split second later Katie walked into the kitchen. "I changed my mind," she said to me, heading over to the fridge. "I do want something to drink. Anyway, I thought you were coming back up."

"It's my fault, I detained him," Logan told her. "Anyway, he's all yours." He smiled at her and got to his feet, walking back into the living room.

Katie shook her head, grabbing her own bottle of water and plopping down in the chair Logan had just vacated. "What were you two talking about?"

I shrugged, taking another sip of water. "You know…just stuff."

"Ah. Anything interesting?"

"Not really. Just guy stuff."

"So, about hot girls?"

"Well, one particular girl came up…but I'm not sure I would classify her as hot…"

"Oh? And what would you classify her as?"

"Beautiful. Gorgeous. Sexy without even having to try. I guess hot works, but it just doesn't describe her."

"Hmm…" she stood up and walked over to me, plopping down sideways in my lap. "Maybe you should describe her."

"She's about five feet or so with long brown hair and these beautiful brown eyes. They look like melted chocolate. I could just get lost in them forever."

She rested one of her hands at the back of my neck while using the other to push my bangs out of my face. "For future reference, I'm five foot and two-thirds of an inch," she murmured to me, brushing her lips over mine. "Huge difference. It means I can round up to five foot one."

"Very important." I moved my lips back over hers. "So, you've suddenly got very touchy feely."

"What can I say? We're sharing a bed – I feel close to you."

"As you should."

"Anyway…about what you told me earlier…"

I fought back a groan. Here we go…

"I'm glad you told me. Makes me respect you even more and it makes me like you even more." She pressed her lips to mine, letting them linger for a few seconds before pulling back.

"Have you been drinking?"

"I don't drink."

"Are you high?"

"I don't do drugs."

"Do you have some sort of weird fascination with guys with issues?"

"Not that I know of…Though I do have one with you, so it might be possible…"

"You, my dear Katie, are crazy."

She grinned. "But that's what you love about me, right?"

"Yeah, we'll talk about this later. Grab your water."

She did so, and I stood up, changing my grip on her so that I was carrying her bridal style. "We're going back upstairs."

"Sounds good." Katie snuggled into my chest, cradling her water bottle. I carried her back up to our room, kicking the door closed behind me and laying her on the bed. She looked up at me as she sat up. "James?"

"Yeah?"

"I know I seem hot and cold. And I'm sorry, I don't want to seem like I'm jerking you around. I just…I really like you and things with us are really intense, but there's Zach and I'm just not sure what to do…"

"Use this weekend to clear your mind," I told her, sitting down on the bed beside her. "Because there really isn't anything else you can do."

"I guess so. I just don't know what's going to happen once this weekend is over." She rested her head on my shoulder.

"You'll figure it out," I assured her, slipping my arm around her waist. "It'll be okay."

"I hope so." Katie let out a small sigh. She shifted so that she was in my lap, her back to my front. "But I am glad that you're here with me."

"At the house or…?"

"Here and now." She turned her head, slowly kissing me. I kissed her back, letting myself sink into it, getting deeper and deeper until there was no one left but us. Just the way it should be. She shifted in my lap, managing to turn around so that she was facing me, and I pulled her closer, unable to get enough, knowing it would never be enough.

She finally pulled back, and I rested my forehead against hers.

"You're the only guy I've ever kissed besides Zach," she whispered. "Until I met you, I never thought I wanted to kiss someone else besides him."

"I feel special." I tightened my grip on her.

"I just…I don't know why my feelings get so…intense…with you. But…it's not really bad. I thought it was at first, but it's not. I know I've said this before, but it's true. There's just something about you that pulls me in, that makes me want more."

"Like you're being sucked into a tornado and can't get out."

She nodded. "Exactly. And I don't understand it, it doesn't make any sense but I like it. I don't want it to end."

"Me neither. I can't figure this out for the life of me, I never wanted to do feelings because of my stepmom and my parents and that whole fucked up business. But I care about you, more than I thought I could ever care for anyone and it's only been a few days. How does that even happen?"

"I don't know. But it happened with us."

"Think that makes us freaks?"

"Oh yeah. But we're awesome freaks," she grinned a little, and I smiled back.

"Very awesome freaks."

"Mmm hmm. We should be happy about that," she informed me. "Very happy."

"Because we're so awesome."

"Exactly." She glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand. I looked over too out of curiosity. 10:02.

Katie stretched out against me, letting out a small moan. "Mmm…I'm still stiff from the car ride." She twisted side to side, trying to elongate her back muscles. "I hate car rides." She let out a sigh, getting to her feet while trying to massage her back.

"Here." I stood up as well, replacing her fingers with mine, digging deep into the muscle tissue. I could feel the kinks releasing slightly under the pressure and Katie moaned again, louder this time.

"Who the hell taught you that?" she asked almost lazily as if she was falling to pieces under my fingertips.

I grinned slightly. "You'd be surprised at the skills I've picked up over the years."

"Ah – ooh, right there…" she tilted her head back. "Ouch! No, wait, keep going, that hurts so bad it kind of feels good..."

"Good pain?" I offered.

"Yes, exactly," she agreed, the tiniest whimper escaping from her lips. "Oh God…"

"Feel good?" I continued to massage her back, carefully kneading so that I wouldn't do any damage.

"Ooooh…yeah…Mmmm…That's the spot…Okay, I'm so hiring you as my personal massage therapist from now on."

My grin widened. "I'm even better when I'm massaging other parts."

"Don't even tempt me."

"Is it really that tempting?"

"You have no idea, James. You have no idea just how truly tempting you are."

My hands slid of their own accord down her back, resting on her hips. I pulled her back against me and she leaned into me, sighing. "You'll be the death of me, James Diamond."

"I just hope it's a good death."

"It will be. I know that much." She turned to face me, head tilted up so that her eyes could meet mine. She reached her hand up, tracing a scar on my neck, and my body shuddered at her touch, goose bumps breaking out over my arms. A very good death…

"How'd you get this?" she asked me curiously.

"Long story," I breathed out.

"We have a couple of days."

"True…"

"Although I don't know how long we're really going to last alone in a bedroom…"

"Katie…fuck…" With a huge push of self-control, I managed to step away from her. I knew if I stayed close to her for a second longer, I would give in and do something I would regret later on.

"James…" A look of confusion crossed her face, followed by a glimmer of hurt. "I – okay – was that not – not right?"

I shook my head. "No…the problem is that it was _too_ right."

"I don't – what?"

"I don't want to sleep with you when you're confused. It'll just hurt you more."

"You – wow. Okay. That's unprecedented."

I nodded. "Believe me, I know."

There was a long pause as she took in what I had just said, and then she asked point blankly, "What makes me so different from those other girls? You sleep with them without a care. Why do you care whether or not you have sex with me?"

"Because – because – because I actually _do_ care about you. This whole thing with us…you're not just another lay. I don't want you to be."

"Your emotions really are getting involved…" she said slowly.

"Like I said earlier." I sat down on the end of the bed, resting my head in my hands. "I don't want to fuck this up, Katie. You're the first girl I've gotten emotionally attached to."

"Maybe you just need to get laid," she suggested. "In which case I'm probably still not the girl for that, but…"

"That's not it. That's not it at all."

"Then what is?" she sat down beside me.

"Is it really that hard to understand?" I looked over at her. "I really like you. I _am_ capable of emotion."

"I know, it's just…" She pushed her hair out of her face, pressing her lips together as she tried to figure out what to say. "It's just, you're James Diamond. The idea that you could be into me…I mean, you're this incredibly hot guy who could have any girl in the school – and _has_ had any girl in the school – and I just don't get this whole attraction or how this isn't just one sided. It makes absolutely no sense to me and I just wish someone would explain it to me."

I nodded in agreement. "It's confusing."

"So, let me see if I have this understood correctly – you don't want to sleep with me because you care about me too much."

"Exactly."

"By all means, defy logic. Do you have an STD that I should know about?"

"I'm clean, I've been tested."

"The fact that you've had to be tested worries me," she informed me.

"As it should."

"Do you ever think about those girls you've been with?" she asked me after a moment.

"Like how?"

"I don't know, just think about them. Like, do you pass them in the hall and think _there's that girl I screwed on the dean's desk_?"

I laughed. "I've never screwed a girl on the dean's desk. Although that does sound like a good idea. I want to do that now."

"Great…I'm going to be an accessory to sex on the dean's desk…"

"Especially if you're directly involved in it."

Her face turned bright red. "I thought you just said you didn't want to have sex with me! I'm going to get whiplash!"

"Sorry. Okay, I do want to have sex with you. I just don't want to do it when you're confused about who you should be with. Even though it should totally be me."

Katie giggled. "Self-promotion, huh?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, pretty much."

"So, you do want to fuck me, but you don't want to screw me up."

"You just said _fuck_ again. And yeah, exactly. I don't want you to lose your virginity to the wrong guy."

She looked up at me in surprise.

"I want it to be a good memory for you," I continued on. "I don't want it to be something that you wish you could redo for the rest of your life."

The next thing I knew, she had launched herself at me, mouth covering mine, fingers scrabbling as they tangled themselves in my hair, her body knocking into mine and causing me to tumble over onto my back. Sure, okay. This was totally, completely innocent. This was definitely not giving her the wrong impression or not losing the rest of my self-control. Not in the least.

Nevertheless, I kissed her back, trying to pull her closer to me, fighting for more. She whimpered as I forced my tongue into her mouth, gaining control. She crawled over me so that her knees were straddling my sides, almost resting her weight on my torso. My hands crept up her back, pushing her shirt up so that my fingers were brushing over her bare skin.

She pushed closer to me, whining as she slid her own hands under _my_ shirt, her palms resting against my abs. I gasped, feeling my stomach flex slightly under her touch, and she moved her hands up to my chest.

"God, I love your body," she murmured against my lips. "I never thought I'd say this, but I'm so jealous of all the girls who got to sleep with you."

"Don't be," I murmured back. "They're not you."

"Why do you have to be so fucking perfect?" she demanded as she pulled back.

"Um…I'm pretty sure no one has ever asked me that before."

"Why do you have to be so fucking perfect _for me_?"

"I – "

"You drive me nuts." She ran her fingers through her hair, taking a deep breath. "I didn't know making out could be like that."

"You clearly haven't been doing it with the right guy."

"Clearly." She crawled off of me, collapsing on the bed beside me. "Wow. I could get used to that."

"That's good to hear."

"Yeah…Wow…I'm going to go get some air."

"You do that."

"I will." She got off of the bed and headed over to the French doors, slipping out onto the deck. I could see her small figure through the glass, leaning up against the railing, hair blowing slightly in the wind. So beautiful…

_She'll be mine_, I told myself. _She and Zach are pretty much over. She'll be mine pretty quickly, if she isn't already_.

After a few moments, I stood up as well and let myself outside as well, moving to stand beside Katie.

"So, I think it's safe to say we're dangerous for each other," I commented.

"Obviously."

I nodded.

There was a long pause, and then a thought crossed my mind. "Katie?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did. But I suppose you could ask one more thing." She shot me a slightly teasing look and the corners of my mouth twitched up into a small smile.

"How did you meet Zach? I mean, he's a year older than you, you're not in the same grade, and you started dating him when you were in eighth grade. By that time he would have been in high school, at Dalton Prep. So…how did that happen?"

Katie rested her forearms on the railing, looking out across the yard, over the treetops and hills to the dark glistening patch that was the lake. "We actually met through our parents," she said thoughtfully after a moment. "I was thirteen, he was fourteen. My mom works for his dad," she added. "So we met at Bring Your Kids to Work Day."

"I thought – I mean, with this house – doesn't your family have money?"

"Oh, we do," she assured me. "It's just, my mom's the CEO of the company. His dad actually owns it."

"Oh. Wow."

"Yeah. So, we met, we hit it off, he flirted with me, it was incredible." A small smile crossed her face. "It was the first time any boy had ever paid any attention to me. I was just this shy, awkward, tiny little middle school girl who kind of faded into the background. So to have a guy – someone as cool and hot as Zach – show any interest in me was just…it felt like a dream come true. Before I knew it, he was asking me to be his girlfriend and everything just felt like it was falling into place. I literally had a checklist of all the qualities I wanted in a guy and he fit them all. Looks. Brains. Ambition. Athleticism."

"I can skateboard," I offered. "I totally have athleticism."

Katie let out a laugh. "I've seen you, you're really good."

I grinned.

"It's funny, though," she continued on, not looking at me, still focused on the lake. "Because all the qualities I wanted had almost nothing to do with personality. Now, I would probably add kindness and funny to the list. Not to say that Zach doesn't have his sweet moments and that he doesn't have a sense of humor, because he does. It's just…not always noticeable."

"Like today, when he called Logan a fag."

"Yeah. Like today." She sighed. "I don't know what happened, I really don't. I think of the fourteen year old boy I met and then I look at the seventeen year old boy…what happened?"

"He grew up."

Katie didn't say anything to that, so I didn't add anything to it.

"I just wish things weren't so confusing," she said quietly.

I looked at her questioningly.

"With us. All of us. With you and Zach and me."

"Guess there's a bit of a love triangle going on here," I admitted.

"Guess so…Who would have thunk it? The bad boy of Dalton Prep is interested in little ol' me."

"It's not that much of a scientific phenomenon," I replied. "It happens. You draw me in, you attract me. It's like we're opposite magnets."

"Exactly. Zach and I make sense, though."

I paused, my stomach dropping. Of course they did, just like Katie and I were complete confusion. Nothing about us seemed to fit.

And that's when I realized that she would always choose Zach by default. If he hadn't acted like an ass and pushed her a little too far, they would still be together. She hadn't even broken up with him permanently. She didn't have the guts to. I was something new for her to try, like an exotic dish she had never ordered before. But I wasn't what she wanted. Not really.

I pushed away from the railing. "I've got to go."

"What? Where're you going?"

I just shrugged and headed into the bedroom.

"James." She followed me. "What is it? What did I say?"

"It's…it's not important. I think I'm going to head down to the lake."

"It was me saying that Zach and I make sense, isn't it? It upset you."

"It doesn't matter."

"Bullshit!"

I paused in the act of slipping my sneakers on. She was cussing more and more…

"If you're going down to the lake, then I'm going with you," she said after a moment.

"We can go tomorrow."

She looked at me for a moment. "You run. You're a runner."

"I – what?"

"You run. You leave after you've dropped huge bombs on people. You leave when you get scared. You leave when you get insecure or angry. You run from things."

"Sometimes it's the only thing you can do."

"Yeah, I know. I know how that goes. I run too. I run to Zach, and I have since I was thirteen. I run to my friends when I can't run to him. But you…you don't have anyone to run to. You don't have anyone to hold you and tell you it's going to be okay, that you'll get through this. And that's really sad."

"It's not that sad…"

"Yes it is. You should have someone too."

"Well, it's not going to happen. You're the first person I've ever even remotely opened up to and tonight will be the last time that ever happens."

"James." She put her hand on my shoulder. "Whatever she did to you…it doesn't make you weak and it doesn't make you damaged. It makes _her_ screwed up. It means you've gone through stuff that's straight out of other people's nightmares. But it doesn't make you weak. Opening up doesn't make you weak."

"It makes you vulnerable. And I swore to myself that I would never be vulnerable ever again. Not to her, not to anyone."

"Then how do you keep from going crazy? Oh…the sex."

I looked away from her.

"It's your drug, so to speak."

"That's one way to put it. What's yours?"

"Not letting myself be happy."

"Why not?" I sank down on the bed. "What happened to you? What affected you so badly?"

She sat down beside me, chewing on her bottom lip hesitantly for a moment. "My dad died in a car crash when I was eleven."

"Oh my God…I'm so sorry."

"I was in the car with him," she continued on. "We were…um…arguing about something. I had slacked a little on school and my grades had gone down. The last thing he ever said to me was that I needed to work on applying myself. And then a car ran a red light and he never said anything else to me."

"Is that why – "

"Why I'm so obsessed with school and having a perfect academic record? Yeah, that's why. Because if he hadn't been mad at me, he would've seen the car running the red light. He would've known not to go through the intersection. He'd still be alive." She wiped at her eyes, tears sliding down her cheek.

I reached over, pulling her into my arms and she leaned into me.

"It was my fault," she whispered. "And I can only do so much to make it up to him."

"It wasn't your fault," I said firmly, rubbing circles into her back. "It was the guy who ran the red light. You had nothing to do with it."

"I distracted him."

"You were eleven years old. You couldn't be perfect and I'm sure he knew that."

She didn't say anything, just buried her face in my chest, still crying silently. I held her until long after her body stopped shaking with quiet sobs. It was a few moments before I realized her breathing had evened out.

I laid her on the bed and curled up next to her, wrapping my arms around her tightly.

It was a long time before I drifted off to sleep, too overwhelmed to relax.

* * *

_**So, there's Katie's secret. I hope it explains a few things about her since I know she doesn't always make sense.**_

_**And please review, I would appreciate it and love it so much :)**_


	10. Chapter 10 Smoke and Embers

_**Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever owned Big Time Rush or anything recognizable in this chapter.**_

_**btrfanfiction1516: Don't cry! But thank you so much, you're so sweet :) Do you really? I'm sorry you had to wait for this chapter, but hopefully it'll be worth it :) Thank you for reading and reviewing, I really appreciate it!**_

_**Reader-Person: Aww, thank you! I'm sorry I wasn't able to update right away, but I hope you like the chapter. And thank you for taking the time to read and review!**_

_**Taylor: Thank you so much, I'm so happy you enjoyed it! And thank you for taking the time to read and review, I really appreciate it :)**_

_**Dana1290: It's totally fine, I know people can't review every chapter every time. For real? That's incredible, so thank you for telling me that. I would love to write professionally, it's what I'm currently going to school for. Thank you for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it so much :)**_

_**KnylonMaslow: Yep, we did. And agreed, it's very sad :( Thank you for reading and reviewing, it means so much!**_

_**darthvader1808: Thank you so, so, so, sooooo much for all the reviews you left me! I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate them. And yep, their secrets have come out. James does his best ;) Thank you again for reading and reviewing!**_

**_HUMONGOUS THANK YOUS to everyone who has read, followed, favorited, or reviewed this story! Eeep! You guys are amazing! Thank you :)_**

**_A/N: Well, it's not two months later, it's just a little over two weeks since I last updated ;) This chapter would've been up sooner but I got really into "Break the Ice" for a little while there. Plus, school's been kicking my ass. I just started a new class that I actually really love, but it takes up a lot of time, plus I have a midterm for another class coming up. Not to mention other responsibilities outside of school and fanfiction...ugh. Anyway, this chapter was actually a lot longer, but it got to the point where it was just too much in all different aspects, so I've split it into two chapters. The second part/11th chapter needs more added to it along with a major editing, but hopefully it'll be up soon. I make no promises though because we all know how awful I am at following through with them._**

**_Anyway, this chapter doesn't have a lot of stuff going on in it, it really is more of a filler chapter, but hey, enjoy some Jatie fluff for the time being ;)_**

**_Warnings: Language and sexual innuendos._**

**_Enjoy the chapter :)_**

* * *

**Chapter Ten – Smoke and Embers**

**Katie's POV**

I awoke the next morning to a pair of strong, muscly arms wrapped around me. I smiled a little, my eyes still closed as I scooted a little closer to James. He let out a small sigh in his sleep, burying his face in my hair and I fought back a laugh. It wasn't going to be pleasant for him, waking up to a mouthful of hair.

"Mmm…" he moaned a little, hand sliding down my stomach.

Ummm…

I grabbed his hand as it reached my pajama bottoms waistband, moving it back up to my ribcage. He whined in protest and instead let his hand drift upwards.

I caught his hand before he could really cop a feel and held it back against my stomach, keeping a firm grasp on it. Clearly he got touchy feely when he was asleep.

James sighed, defeated, and stopped moving long enough for me to relax again.

I smiled again, leaning into him.

And then my eyes widened.

O-oh…I had completely forgotten that guys got morning wood…Well. This was awkward.

I knew I should probably move, especially since I had no idea how long it would be before he woke up and I had no clue if this was something that would embarrass him or not. Not that it should. I mean, it was a normal bodily function, right? He was a guy, so of course he could get morning wood.

But what did the girl do in a situation like this?

Plus, there was the fact that I was a little morbidly curious…Obviously Zach and I had never gotten particularly heated before and I had certainly never had any contact with _that_ specific part of him. James, on the other hand, was a completely different story…so different…like another universe different. And James had the ability to make me feel things that I had never even thought twice about. He had gotten me to open up and talk about the day my dad had…died. I hadn't even told Zach that it was my fault that it had happened. He and my friends only knew the bare basics but James…And all he had done was ask me what had happened to affect me.

Yeah, we were definitely dangerous for each other.

And the fact that I had gotten him to open to me about his stepmom…he still hadn't confirmed my suspicions about the type of abuse he had gone through and something told me he never would. And while there was a part of me that wanted to know just what exactly had happened, to understand just what his stepmom had done to him, there was another part that wanted to shy away from it, to run, that was downright terrified to know, to hear the details that I knew would always haunt him.

I sighed, closing my eyes again, before remembering that there was the problem with James'…thing.

Before I could make a decision about what on earth I was supposed to do, James groaned and stretched out, body pressed up against me. "Mmm…your hair smells good."

I couldn't help but smile again, half burying my face in my pillow. "Thanks."

"What time is it?"

"It's…" I glanced at the clock. "A little after ten."

"Okay." He moved my hair aside, nose and lips skimming over the back of my neck and I couldn't help but shiver at the feeling. "How'd you sleep?"

"Not too badly. You?"

"I've had worse nights."

I bit my lip as he continued to move his lips down my neck, wondering just what nights he was thinking of. Clearly my curiosity was beginning to get a little bit obsessive.

"That's good, I guess," I said after a moment, shimmying away from him a little bit. "So, um…"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. What on earth would make you think that anything was wrong?"

"For one thing, you have yet to roll over and look at me."

"If I did that, certain…_parts_…would be lined up!" I squeaked out, cheeks burning.

There was a long pause and them James cracked up.

"Stop laughing! It's not funny!"

"It kind of is," he snorted out.

"It's not."

"It is. You are aware we're wearing clothes, right? So it's not like penetration could actually happen."

I whined, my face heating up even more.

"You're totally blushing, aren't you?"

"No!" I lied.

"Bullshit."

"Are you going to do something about your – your – your – ?"

"Dick? Cock? Penis? Hard-on? Boner?"

I rolled over, whipping my pillow out from under my head and whacking him with it. His only response was to laugh even harder as he raised his arms to ward off my pillow attack.

I paused after a moment and he grinned cheekily up at me, eyes sparkling.

And damn it, if he didn't look adorable as hell…

"I'm not talking to you," I informed him. "You or your – whatever you call it."

"Mini-James. It's name is Mini-James."

I gaped at him. "You named your dick? Are you freaking serious?"

"Yeah…"

"Oh, good God…Well, I think _Mini-James_ and I are officially introduced. And I'm not shaking his hand. Not until we've both had a shower at least."

His grin widened. "Look who's getting dirty minded all of a sudden."

"You must bring it out in me." I pushed back the covers and crawled out of bed. I glanced towards him and quickly covered my eyes.

"It's not going to bite," he informed me, sounding like he was trying not to laugh. "Or burst into flames."

"I'm aware – ow!" I had walked right into a chair.

"Do you want me to roll over onto my stomach so that you don't kill yourself? Because right now I'm a little worried you're going to walk right out onto the deck and fall over the railings."

I lowered my hands just enough to shoot him a nasty look.

He just smirked at me. "I don't know what you're so afraid of. It's just a body part. I'm pretty sure you learned about it in sex ed."

"And that in itself brings back horrible memories." I shuddered. "Fifth grade health class…It was awful. They had these really scientific diagrams with all the proper names and they made sex sound so…technical."

"It's not," James said bluntly, rolling over onto his side. "It's not all scientific and technical and boring unless you make it that way."

"Well, you would know…What's it like?"

"I'm sorry?"

"What's sex like?"

He gaped at me blankly. I looked back at him unashamedly.

"It's…it's not awful."

"Well, I figured _that_. But, I mean…Is it better for guys than for girls?"

"I'm a guy so I honestly don't know. I'd like to think that's not true, though."

"Oh. Because I heard it hurts the first time girls have sex."

"I think it does for some girls."

"Okay…"

"Why the questions?" he asked me curiously.

I shrugged. "I don't know, I was just wondering."

"Okay…"

"I mean, it'd be nice to know."

"I'm sure it would be."

"I'm…um…gonna go brush my teeth and shower."

"Okay."

I grabbed a change of clothes and hurried into the bathroom, my face feeling like I had stuck it in an active volcano. Well, that hadn't been awkward at all…

I cleaned up, showered, and got dressed, before blow drying my hair and heading out into the bedroom.

James had gotten out of bed and was standing on the balcony. I slowly walked out there, still feeling a little awkward from our conversation.

He looked over at me as I approached him and gave me a small smile. "No one's actually asked me about sex before, so your questions kind of threw me for a loop. I'm sorry I wasn't more help."

"It's fine. Not like I was acting particularly sane before. Did your – um – "

"Problem?" his smirk had returned. "Yes, it went away. Morning wood usually does. The fact that it went away while you were naked in the shower is pretty much a miracle, though."

And my blush was back in full force. I wrapped my arms around my body. "Can we _please_ stop talking about it?"

"Sure. You're the one who brought it up, though," he pointed out.

"And I regret that."

He laughed. "I'm going to go take a shower."

"Okay."

He headed back inside and a minute later I heard the shower turn on. Shower…water…water running down his body…naked body…oh crap. James naked in the shower.

I let out a tiny gasp, the image flooding my brain before I could block it from entering. Oh my gosh…no wonder girls liked sleeping with him so much, if they got to see _that_.

A few minutes later, the shower turned off and I went back inside, plopping down on the bed.

Huge mistake.

Not ten seconds after I leaned back against the pillows, James walked into the bedroom with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

Holy crap.

Pecs…arms…abs…hips…V…happy trail…do not stare at his happy trail…do not think about what his happy trail leads to…or what's under his towel…

James glanced at me, smirking for the hundredth time that morning. "Like what you see?"

"Maybe…"

His smirk widened. "Close your eyes, otherwise I'm going to flash you."

"I don't mind!" I blurted out before I could wrap my tongue around the words.

I really hate my mouth sometimes…

"Getting dirty on me again?"

"Apparently so," I grumbled, grabbing my pillow and covering my face. "Go ahead and drop your towel."

"Okay. Don't look," he snickered.

"Like I would." And I didn't. Not at all. Not even a little peek. And no, I'm not lying…not at all…I totally didn't lower my pillow just enough to get an eyeful of his perfect ass and lots of smooth, tanned skin and the tiniest glimpse of what had been pressing up against me just an hour ago.

I quickly hid my face again, but couldn't resist taking one more glance at him as he slid his boxers on and reached for his jeans.

"Okay," he said as he buttoned his jeans up, "I'm decent."

Unfortunately.

I laid my pillow down and watched as he pulled his t-shirt on over his head, straightening it out.

"So, what do you want to do today?" he asked as he slipped his feet into his sneakers.

"We could go down to the lake," I suggested. "There's actually a fire pit down there so tonight we could take hotdogs and marshmallows down there and make s'mores."

"Do we have those things here?" he wanted to know, furrowing his brow.

"I don't think so, but we can run to the store. You want to?"

"Sure. We can take my car."

"Sounds good. You want breakfast?"

"Eh, not really. It's almost lunchtime."

I nodded in agreement. "We can grab lunch in town. Let's go." I grabbed my purse as he snatched up his wallet, phone, and car keys, and we headed downstairs. We asked the others if there was anything they wanted us to get and five minutes later we were walking out of the house, a list clutched in my hand. James unlocked the car and I slid into the passenger's seat while he got in on the driver's side.

We buckled up and he got the car started before backing smoothly out of the driveway. He navigated into Winchester and I directed him to a grocery store. He parked and we went on inside, trying to find everything we would need for the next twenty-four hours.

We quickly found bacon, hotdogs, hotdog buns, every kind of condiment anyone could ever want, _Oreo_ cookies, marshmallows, _Hersey_ chocolate bars, and a few other things the others had requested. Luckily everyone had pooled their money so we were able to afford everything easily.

We took the grocery bags out to the car, loaded them in the trunk, and headed back to the house.

"This is a really beautiful area," James commented as we reached an opening where we could look down at the lake over the hill.

I nodded in agreement. "It's one of the reasons I love coming up here. Plus it's peaceful, especially during this time of year. Winchester is more of a resort town, it's really active during the summer but dies down in the fall and winter."

"Makes sense. I imagine people come out here for the fishing?"

"Yep. My stepdad does, it's why we have the house. We come up here during Christmas as well, though."

"Where do your mom and stepdad live?" James asked curiously.

"In Minneapolis, same as Zach's parents. Your dad and stepmom?"

"Also Minneapolis."

"Oh, wow. Small world."

"I'll say." He nodded in agreement. "Makes me wonder if there's place other than Minneapolis us Dalton Prep students come from."

I shrugged. "Maybe not for us. Probably for other people, though."

He nodded again, tapping his fingers against the wheel as he drove along, back to the lake house. He parked and we brought everything inside, putting the cold stuff in the fridge and stocking the pantry with the cookies and chips.

Logan had put together sandwiches for lunch. He dumped half a bag of chips into a bowl, setting it on the table. We thanked him and sat down, chowing down eagerly. We finished eating a little while later, and James immediately got pulled into the living room to watch some stupid reality show with the guys.

Jo and Camille had by that time made an appearance, sitting down at the table with me as I stirred my Cherry Coke with a straw.

"So, how're you doing?" Camille asked me. "We've barely seen you since we got here."

"Well, Jo's been off with my brother, and you've been rehearsing for the play," I pointed out.

"And you've been with James. What's going on with him?"

"I don't know," I sighed. "He's just…I really like him. But, the thing is…He's got kind of a dark past…"

"Such as?" Jo asked curiously.

"It's – it's personal. But he told me a little bit about it last night." I pulled my straw out of my drink and sucked the soda out of the end. "And it explains a lot."

"Okay…is there a problem with him having a dark past?" Camille wanted to know, dark eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"No! No, that's not it at all…It's just…the more I find out about him, the more drawn in I am…It's like every little thing about him, every little detail, just makes me like him more…and I don't know why…We made out last night," I added. "Twice."

"What about Zach?" Jo asked at once.

"He's…out of the picture for the weekend. I don't know what's going to happen when we get back, but for the time being I'm going to just try to focus on spending a couple of days without having to put up with his crap."

"That's good," Cami nodded. "It's a good start. Hopefully when we get back to the school, you'll end it for good."

"We'll see." I slipped my straw back into my glass and sucked some more of the coke up.

"But you've been making out with Dalton Prep's bad boy…" Jo smirked a little. "Like, really making out? I mean, not just those cute little kisses you and Zach do. I mean full on passionate making out that usually leads to some really good stuff."

I gaped at her. "What on earth have you and my brother been doing?!"

She shrugged. "Stuff that I can't tell you about because he's your brother and you'll probably throw up."

"Urghhh…sorry I asked."

"Anyway, was it that kind of making out?"

"The passionate, hot kind? Ohhh yeah…It was intense."

"He's good for you," Camille commented lightly as she took a sip out of my glass. "He forces you out of your comfort zone, pops you out of your self-induced bubble. Zach doesn't do that. He practically locks you up in a padded room. He keeps you in a straight jacket. And that's definitely not a good thing. Besides, he's an ass."

"I'm starting to realize that…"

"Good. So stay with the hot bad boy who's really not all that bad at all."

"I'll think about it." I finished off my coke and got to my feet, rinsing my glass out and placing it neatly in the dishwasher. "James and I are going to go down to the lake later today. We're going to set up the fire pit and roast hotdogs and marshmallows. You guys want to come?"

"Depends. Do you and guys want to be alooone?" Jo teased, dragging the word out.

"I don't think so…"

"Then sure. We'll keep you guys from going too far in public."

I smacked her shoulder. "Shut up." I headed into the living room and joined the guys, plunking myself down in James' lap. His arms encircled my waist, pulling me close to him. I rested my head on his shoulder, breathing in the scent of his aftershave. It was gentle yet spicy at the same time. Just like him. So much like him.

"So," James murmured in my ear like the words were specially spoken, specially created just for me, "when do you want to go down to the lake?"

"Mmmm…around four-thirty? That way we can get the fire pit set up before it gets dark so that we're not fumbling around in the dark. Oh, and I invited Jo and Camille to come with us. I hope you don't mind…"

"Yeah, that's fine. The guys want to come as well."

"Okay, cool."

"Mmm hmm." He buried his face in my hair, nuzzling the top of my head with his nose, relaxing into me. I smiled a little, snuggling a little closer to him, curling up in his lap. He was so hard yet so soft at the same time, the perfect combination between toughness and sweetness.

I traced the thin scar along his neck. It stood out white against his tanned skin, a sliver of what must have been a half forgotten memory.

James looked at me curiously. "Whatcha doing?"

"Just admiring that scar I asked you about last night." I flashed him a little grin. "Gonna tell me how you got it now?"

"The one on my neck? I got it in a snowboarding accident a couple of years ago."

Oh, crap. He snowboarded too? I was suddenly reminded of that episode of _Sabrina the Teenage Witch_ when Hilda and Zelda made Sabrina the perfect date out of man dough. How could he possibly be everything that I had ever wanted in a guy? The snowboarding thing came from when I was ten and decided to try my hand at it when my family went on a vacation to Colorado. My parents had paid for ten snowboarding lessons and my instructor had been a really young, hot guy. I had crushed on him so hard, and he had made snowboarding look so easy while I couldn't even balance on my board without face planting. I had obviously gotten over him the day after we flew back home, but my love of guys who could snowboard stayed with me. When I had begun dating Zach, it had become a little tug at the back of my mind, a soft whisper reminding me that he wasn't all that perfect after all.

The same was true for skateboarding. I knew James could skateboard like nobody's business, I had seen him, and that in itself probably would have made me look twice at him. Because yeah, I had had a thing about guys who could skateboard as well. I blamed that one on my eleven year old self, when Kendall and his friends were really into it. Kendall's friends had been so cute, and skateboarding had just seemed so sexy at the time. And that had stuck with me as well.

It was like all of my old attractions and reactions came out around James, like he was shaped and molded to fit against me. The only two things that I might have changed was his past with his stepmom and all the other girls. I wished so desperately that I could take away all the pain and bitter memories that his stepmother had inflicted on him, and I couldn't help but feel a little jealous and uncomfortable at the idea of him sleeping with so many different girls. I wanted something about him to just be mine. I wanted to be his first for something and I was never actually going to get that. And that thought alone made my spirits plummet, my face fall sadly.

James noticed at once. Maybe it was the way my shoulders slumped, or how I turned my face away from the room to face the wall. Whatever it was, he seemed to pick on my sudden change of mood at once.

"What's wrong?" he asked me quietly.

I shrugged. "It's nothing."

"Doesn't seem like nothing."

"It's just stupid. It's whatever."

"Katie…"

I climbed off his lap. "I'm going to head down to the lake, make sure the fire pit is still there."

"Okaaay…I'll come with you."

I didn't bother to argue with him; instead I just watched as he got to his feet, zipping his sweatshirt up and flipping the hood over his head as if he was trying to hide his face. Now it was my turn to wonder if something was wrong. I doubted he was cold – the temperature in the house was at seventy-two degrees, warm enough even for me to feel comfortable, and I was always cold. But…maybe he was unsure…That was a possibility. It was a way for him to run, a way for him to hide. A sudden image flashed through my head of a little boy with his eyes and gorgeous chestnut hair huddled in a dark closet, arms wrapped around his legs.

I reached out and took his hand, entwining our fingers together, before calling to the others, "I'll text you guys when we're ready for you to bring the food down."

"Sounds good," Kendall responded and I led James out of the house and down the driveway, around the back of the house. I quickly found the well worn path that would take us down to the lake and we slowly walked down it together, neither breaking the silence.

The wind was mild, but it was still there and loose strands of my hair whipped around my face, falling into my eyes. James kept his hood up, his eyes a glow inside the black cover.

We made our way down to the lake and I hurried over to the shed set up along the hill. I got it open and with James' help, lugged the fire pit out. We set it up, building the fire together with some spare wood and newspaper in the shed kept in there solely for that purpose.

Once the fire was roaring, I texted the others to get the food down here, pronto. They showed up a few minutes later, also carrying beach chairs. We got ourselves comfortable, sitting in a circle around the fire as it fell dark. It was mid evening by the time we finally got our hotdogs on skewers and lowered them into the fire.

The air was smoky and alight with glowing embers, the fire occasionally spewing hot orange ones out into the sand like it was a tasteless bit of food. The smoke stung my eyes, the fire almost too bright and hot in the cool, dark night. But the hotdogs were flawless, cooked to slightly burnt perfection and toasty, warming me from the inside out.

The others chatted and laughed, cracking jokes and talking about the people at Dalton Prep. They exchanged stories about classes and teachers, about parties and field trips, about bad dates and unrequited crushes.

I remained silent, content to just sit there and listen to the conversation as I chewed happily on my third hotdog, licking a small bit of spicy mustard from my bottom lip as James recounted a story about a crush on a teacher he had had in sixth grade. I giggled with the others, listening to him talk about some of the stuff he had done to get her to notice him.

"You sound like you were really adorable back then," Camille told him, laughing.

James blinked at her, pouting. "What do you mean _back then_?"

She laughed even harder. "You know what I mean. Don't worry, you're still as cute as a button now. I'm sure Katie agrees."

"Oh yeah, he's a giant Teddy bear," I chortled. "A huge, muscly Teddy bear."

"I am!" he protested, giving me a sad look, lips still pursed in a pout, eyes lonely.

"Of course you are," I told him, reaching for his hand. "You're hard on the outside but soft on the inside. Like a s'more."

"Speaking of s'mores…" Logan offered me a bag of marshmallows. I finished my hotdog and speared a couple of marshmallows, holding them in the pit until they caught fire. I grinned in satisfaction while the others just rolled their eyes and shook their heads, save for James. I blew the smoldering marshmallows out and turned the skewer over to toast the other sides.

"Whoo hoo, burnt marshmallow buddy!" James high-fived me as he caught his own marshmallows on fire.

"For the win!" I cheered, laughing again.

"You two are so weird," Carlos informed us, forehead winkled slightly as he worked on getting his own marshmallow a perfect golden brown.

"Which makes us perfect for each other," I proclaimed. "We can be weird together."

"Uh huh. Whatever you say."

I pulled my marshmallows off of the stick and popped them into my mouth, James doing the same with his while the others just squished theirs between graham crackers and pieces of _Hershey_ chocolate bars.

Eventually the night winded down, the others disappearing up the path as the sugar and caffeine highs wore out, leaving me alone with James.

James stretched out, taking a bite out of a leftover chocolate bar. He offered me a piece and I took it, murmuring out a "thanks". I bit into it, closing my eyes as the chocolate melted smoothly on my tongue.

"Tonight was fun," James said softly once he had swallowed his piece of chocolate.

"It was," I agreed. "Sorry about starting it off on a weird note."

"What do you mean?"

"When we were still inside."

"Oh. Yeah. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," I admitted.

"Is it bad?"

"I – it's about your past."

He turned his head harshly to look at me.

"With the girls," I clarified.

"Ah."

"Yeah. It's so stupid, but…I don't know. It bothers me, I guess."

"That I'm a man whore?"

"You're not a man whore," I said sharply. "Don't even think that."

"Then what about it bothers you?"

"What do you think? Would it bother you if I had been with a bunch of guys?"

"I – yeah. Wow. I guess I hadn't thought about it."

"Look, I know it's a stupid thing to even think about when we're not even actually together. And I know it's in your past, it's not happening now, but – "

"I'm not proud of myself." His voice had turned quiet. "But, Katie, those girls...As clichéd as it sounds, they didn't mean anything. They were just a way to…"

"To what?"

"To distract myself from my stepmom. To help. Some people who have been – who have been – "

"Abused," I said helpfully.

"Yeah, that. Some people who have had that happen to them turn to drugs or alcohol. I turned to sex. It wasn't like I actually had anything else to lose. I had lost it all and I wasn't ever going to get it back. The girls provided a few minutes of comfort, nothing more, nothing less. And once it was over, that was it. It was literally finished."

"And I get that. I do."

"I can't take back any of it."

"It made you who are you," I allowed, biting down on my lip.

"I don't know if that's actually a good thing."

"I guess it just depends on your point of view."

"Guess so." He stood up, stretching out again. "Ready to head in?"

"Yeah."

He doused the fire and we grabbed the rest of the food, walking back up the dark path, flashlights lighting the way so that we wouldn't twist an ankle on a stray rock. We made our way up to the house, his fingers slipping around mine. I shivered slightly, but whether it was from the cold or from the promise of something that had been nagging at the back of my mind since that morning, I had no idea.

Either way, I had a feeling that tonight was going to be interesting.

* * *

_**So, uh, how was that? I'm sorry if it got boring, I know it was pretty uneventful but the next chapter will probably be a lot more interesting. Plus, this chapter was a little lighter and after the last couple of ones, I figured it'd be nice to have something a tinier bit fluffier.**_

**_Thank you for taking the time to read this, and please review!_**

**_One more thing: Dana2184 recently posted a new James/Katie story called "Family Matters" and, uh, you guys might want to check it out :) It's very different, very original, and very interesting._**


	11. Chapter 11 Cuts So Deep

_**Disclaimer: I still don't own Big Time Rush. End of story.**_

_**btrfanfiction1516: Oh man, that must've been a sight to see ;) Thank you for taking the time to read and review, I always appreciate it!**_

_**Guest#1: Thank you so much, I'm so happy you enjoyed it :) You know what? I had just recently watched that episode so it was on my mind when I was writing the chapter. And thank you for taking the time to read and review! I appreciate it so much :)**_

_**Guest#2: Here it is ;) Thank you for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it.**_

_**THANK YOU to everyone who has read, followed, favorited, or reviewed this story! You guys rock!**_

_**A/N: So, the first part of this is what was originally the second half of chapter 10. I almost split this chapter up as well, but decided not to, because otherwise you guys would have ended up with a really short chapter. Plus, it felt natural to end this one where I did, though some of you might not be too happy with me ;) This is another drama-filled chapter, but there's also a little bit of smut in here as well, so hopefully you guys won't mind too much.**_

_**Warnings: Language, innuendos, mild sexual content, mentions of self-harm.**_

_**Enjoy the chapter :)**_

* * *

**Chapter Eleven – Cuts So Deep**

**Katie's POV**

Once we were inside the house, I unzipped my hoodie, basking in the warmth and the soft, golden light that the living room lamps provided. We dropped the food off in the kitchen before climbing the stairs to our shared room, closing the door behind us.

I turned to James, looking up into his face. "I have no right to be jealous when Zach and I aren't even completely over."

"No, I get it. I understand where you're coming from. And believe me, it eats me up, knowing there's a good chance you're going to be going back to Zach once this is over."

"I might not though. You never know," I reminded him.

"I'm not that hopeful. I'm a little bit jaded when it comes to the female species." His voice was joking, but it held a darker, grimmer underlying tone.

"Let me see if I can maybe give you a little more hope for the fairer sex," I suggested, approaching him. I placed my hands on his chest, steering him to the bed. He let me guide him, relinquishing control to me, and I gave him a small shove. He obediently let himself fall back on the bed and I climbed atop him, straddling his waist. He looked up at me, lips slightly parted, hair mussed up from the wind.

I stared down at him for a long moment before pressing my lips to his, and he returned the pressure, hand coming up to slip under my hair, cupping the back of my neck. I sighed almost wistfully, already needing more.

James deepened the kiss, guiding me closer, and I spread out, my chest lightly pressing against his. The hand that wasn't at the back of my neck slid down over my hip, resting gently against my lower back, before sliding down to the back of my thigh.

I bit lightly down at his lip and he returned it, nipping back at me a little bit harder, a teasing edge to it. I tangled my fingers in his hair, moving my lips desperately against his, my hips stuttering slightly when he caught my bottom lip between his teeth, tugging a little. I let out a gasp, stars flashing behind my eyelids and for a split second I lost track of time. When I opened my eyes again, I was on my back and he was hovering over me, hitching my legs around his waist, sinking down between my knees. His lips were an urgent pressure against mine, his tongue forcing its way into my mouth and – _ooooh_ – I liked that…

A weak moan escaped, muffled against his lips and I could feel him smirking in satisfaction. I yanked at a lock of hair in retaliation and I was pretty sure he uttered a "fuck" but I wasn't positive. I did it again and his hips jerked against mine.

Oh. Wow. Okay. That was new.

I experimentally tugged at his hair once more and he pushed his hips into mine, a small groan vibrating against my mouth.

Okay, yeah. I could totally get used to that.

He broke the kiss but didn't pause; he kissed, bit, and licked his way down my jaw, causing me to squirm, before moving along my neck, giving little kitty licks and nips to my pulse point. I almost mewed, my head falling back at the feeling, my back arching up off of the mattress.

He pushed my hoodie off of my shoulders and I sat up, shrugging the rest of the way out of it. I undid his own sweatshirt and he tugged it off, tossing it to the side along with mine.

I turned back to him, suddenly feeling very naked in my jeans and thin t-shirt, the soft cotton just a little bit too tight, the denim taut around my legs. But I didn't hesitate; I gripped the hem of his own shirt, pulling it up and he raised his arms, allowing me to get it the rest of the way off of him.

I bit my lip so hard I half expected to draw blood. Muscles galore…smooth, tanned skin…a playground for horny females.

And apparently that included me.

"You okay?" he asked me, frowning a little in worry, and I nodded.

"Yeah." To prove it, I kissed him deeply. He kissed me back and I placed my hands on his pecs, before moving to his biceps, feeling them flex under my fingertips as he shifted slightly. Down to his abs, tracing the V of his hips to the waistband of his jeans, the soft feather down of his happy trail brushing under my thumb.

He let me explore, never hurrying me up, never pulling back to ask what I was doing. He just let me take my time, let me get comfortable with his body.

I finally severed the kiss, my head spinning. He blinked at me, falling back onto his knees, my legs crashing to the bed.

But I hadn't had enough, not even close.

Locking my gaze with his, I lifted my shirt, chucking it to the side so that it joined his. James' eyes raked over my upper body, taking in my tiny frame, my purple and white polka dotted bra, the slight bit of cleavage I had.

My body heated up under his stare, but not in the embarrassed, humiliated way. This was more primal, more instinctive, a reaction.

And wow, I just sounded like my mom when she had given me The Sex Talk.

"You sure you're okay with this?" James asked me.

I nodded. "If I'm not, I'll let you know."

"Okay," he agreed, kissing me again. I trailed my fingers down to the buttons of his jeans, slowly popping them open until the waistband was loose around his hips. I rolled them down and he kicked them off. I heard the muffled _flump_ as they made contact with the floor, but I didn't pay any attention to them.

I could feel a certain _something_ pressing against my leg and I shyly moved my fingers down the front of his boxers until I made contact.

_Oh_. That was different.

James let out a shuddered gasp as I palmed him. I smirked a little, enjoying the way his cheeks flushed, his eyes darkening with pleasure. I certainly had no complaints.

After a few moments, I let my hand drop and he whined in protest, but stopped when he realized I was unbuttoning and unzipping my own jeans. I wiggled out of them, waiting for the moment when I would become exposed, half naked to him.

It never came.

Even as he let his eyes wander over my legs, taking me in, my shyness and uncertainty refused to make an appearance. Instead I wrapped my legs around his waist again and lifted my hips, pressing myself against him.

Holy fuck.

There weren't words to describe the way lightning seemed to flash in front of my eyes, or the sizzle that shot through my body, or the way my limbs seemed to hum in appreciation as he pushed back against me.

My eyes fell shut as I raised my hips again, more than a little aware of Mini-James moving against me, only the thin cotton of his boxers and my panties separating us.

If sex was anything like this, then why the hell would anyone want to get out of bed?!

And then James shifted our positions again so that I was on top of him. He gripped my hips, controlling them, pushing me against him and dry lightning crackled through my veins, sparklers erupting in my very bones.

This couldn't be normal.

Something this amazing couldn't be considered usual.

Still no complaints.

I moved against him, rocking my hips as he lifted his, our moans intermingling in the quiet room, an echo in an empty cave.

I lost all sense of time, with no idea how many minutes or seconds or hours had passed by; the only thing that mattered was James, the way he was pushing against me, how he was moving against me so perfectly, the soft whiny sounds falling from his lips.

The pleasure built, at first gradually, and then almost too quickly. All too soon it peaked, exploding like hot lava streaming down the side of a volcano, and my body tensed. I could hear James' name roll off my tongue in a weak whimper, and then I felt his body go rigid as he groaned out my name.

The fireworks cleared, my vision restored to normal, and I blinked down at him.

He panted hard, pushing his bangs out of his face before softly brushing my hair off of my shoulder.

I did my best to catch my breath, waiting for both my brain and lungs to begin working normally again. "Is it – is it always like that?" I finally managed to gasp out.

"Is – what always like that?" He blinked, eyes still a little dazed.

"Dry humping. Sex." I blushed slightly.

"Oh. I guess it depends on the person," he said slowly. "It's not always like that. In fact, it rarely ever is. That was – that was the equivalent of pretty damn good sex."

I blinked too. "It was? But that wasn't even actual sex."

He grinned a little. "Yeah, I know. Which is what makes it so fucking good."

I ran my fingers through my now messed-up hair, trying to wrap my mind around that. If dry humping was that good, I could only imagine what sex with him would be like…

Before I could really begin to form a coherent opinion on that, James gently smacked my ass. "I need to go get cleaned up," he said, pecking my lips.

"Right. Okay." I settled back against the pillows, stretching out languidly as he got to his feet, making his way across the room and into the bathroom. The door closed and a few seconds later I heard the shower running.

I pointed my toes before flexing them, enjoying the stretch in my calves. My muscles felt tired but loose in the best possible way, warm and nicely overworked like after you've just beaten your record on the treadmill.

Mmm…who needed a treadmill when you could have that? I wondered if what we had just done counted as burning calories…I bet it did. Best cardio vascular workout ever.

It was strange, but my tendency to over think and plan out everything wasn't popping out. It was like it had shut itself away for the night in a boarded up log cabin, sleeping the hours away and not paying attention to what I was doing.

Which, I decided, was probably a good thing. Now was not the time to over think and over plan everything. I wasn't in the mood to freak out or wonder if I had just crossed a line, or try to figure out how fooling around with James fit into my life's plan.

Besides, I wanted to do it again.

A minute later, the shower shut off. I could hear James moving around in the bathroom, before opening the door and stepping out with just a fluffy towel wrapped around his waist, just like he had done that morning.

The towel needed to come off, like right now.

And wow, my attitude towards sex and naked James had really changed in the past few days. How the hell had that happened?!

I sat up, watching as he moved over to his suitcase, pulling out a clean pair of boxers.

"You know," I informed him, looking away respectfully if somewhat reluctantly when he dropped his towel, "you are an awful influence on me."

"Are you complaining?" he wanted to know. "And I'm decent."

I turned back to look at him. "I probably should be, but I'm not. Strangely enough, I'm okay with all this."

"Wow, that is strange," he deadpanned and I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Shut up."

"Oooh, real scary."

"Come over here and I'll show you real scary."

He laughed, crawling onto the bed with me and kissing me deeply. I kissed him back, threading my fingers in his hair. After a few seconds, he pulled back, a smile lighting up his face.

I brushed his bangs out of his eyes, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down on top of me. Our eyes met, his tender and gentle and warm, so intense that my breath caught in my throat and I could feel a light fluttering in my chest.

He laid down beside me and I cuddled into him, resting my head on his chest. James stroked my hair, his other arm settling softly on my stomach. I shifted slightly, reaching for the bedside lamp and switching it on. I got up and turned overhead light off, leaving the bed area flooded in a golden glow. I collapsed beside James again, grabbing his arm to place it around me, when the light caught the tan of his skin just right. Icy white slivers stood out on his wrist, like stars glittering against the night sky. A shiver went down my spine and I lifted his arm to the light.

Sure enough, his wrist and forearm were flecked and marked with long healed scars, some thin and short, some wide and long.

It wasn't like I wasn't aware that plenty of people out there partook in self-harm. I had even attempted it with a razor once after my dad died to try to ease some of the emotional pain, but all it did was make me bleed a lot. A little too much stinging for my taste. I knew Camille had done it a few times as well in middle school when she was being bullied coldly and ruthlessly, and she still had the scars.

But seeing them lining James' arm, tokens of pain and suffering, of confusion and sadness, was shocking.

James jerked his arm out of my grasp, refusing to look at me.

"James…" I bit my lip, trying to figure out what to say.

"Just…just don't. Okay? I don't want to talk about it." He reached over, clicking the lamp off, and as he did so I spotted a long white strip trailing along the inside of his left wrist, dangerously close to the veins.

I turned the lamp back on, grabbed his arm again and flipping it over. The scar wasn't as faded as the others; sharper, clearer. Definitely the most recent one.

"What happened here?" I asked, almost surprised at how calm my voice sounded. I might as well have been asking him how he had gotten the scar on his neck or how he had managed to get a paper cut.

I could see him clamming up, the way he was twisting his body away from me, expression guarded and defensive, so I did the only thing I could do: I grabbed his face and kissed him forcefully, forcing him to lose his defenses. And sure enough, after a few seconds he kissed me back, melting into me.

I pulled back after a few moments, looking him straight in the eye. "Did you cut because of your stepmom?"

After several long heartbeats during which he blinked, expression a little dazed, he fumbled out, "Wouldn't you?"

"Probably," I admitted.

"I'm never going to have to deal with her again. Last summer was the last time I had to put up with her shit. It's not going to happen again."

"James…cutting is an addiction…"

"Can we please talk about something else? Look, I just don't want to have to think about it. I have to look at the scars every day and live with the memories of what she's done. I just can't talk about it."

"I'm – don't you usually cover this one up?" I indicated the fresh scar.

"With a wrist cuff or rubber bracelets with sayings on them."

I had a vague memory of seeing him wearing a spiked cuff on his left wrist the first day we met, and then rubber bracelets the next day, but they had disappeared after Tuesday.

"Can we just…can we just not think about any of this tonight?" James asked, almost pleadingly. "Not think about my stepmom or your dad?"

I nodded, scooting closer to him. "Yeah. We can deal with everything once we get back to Dalton Prep."

"Thank you."

"Anytime." I kissed him again, shoving him flat on his back and crawling on top of him. He reached over, turning the light off, and we melted into the darkness together.

It was after midnight by the time we finished a second – okay, third – round, panting and gasping and trying to catch our breath.

James pushed his hair out of his eyes, as I rolled off of him, collapsing on the bed. "We're going to go all the way one day," he stated. "Once you and Zach are over for good, and you're ready."

I shot him a teasing smirk. "You're awfully confident, aren't you, Mr. Diamond?"

"Miss Knight, you haven't seen anything yet."

"I'm looking forward to it." I stretched out and frowned as my stomach grumbled. And it was then that I realized just how hungry I was. I felt like I had gone into hibernation for a long, cold winter, and had just woken up. I needed food.

James grinned. "Hungry?"

"Very. Think there's any food left?"

"God, let's hope so. I'm starving."

We got to our feet, throwing pajamas on, and tip-toed as quietly as we could out into the hall and down the stairs, into the kitchen. I flipped on the light and led the way over to the fridge.

There was leftover pizza, but it was the Hawaiian one and I had a huge issue with pineapple on my pizza.

"There's cheese as well," James commented from behind me. "And bread. You liked grilled cheese?"

"I _love_ grilled cheese. I haven't had it in years, though."

He moved around me, grinning as he pulled the bread and cheese out. "Then step aside, because I'm about to make you my famous grilled cheese sandwich."

I giggled. "Your famous grilled cheese sandwich? What the heck is that?"

"An amazing combination of bread and cheese, of toasty-ness and warm gooey softness."

"Wow, okay. Go for it. I've got to try this."

His grin widened and he grabbed the butter out from one of the cabinets, before locating a spatula and a frying pan. I snatched a water bottle out of the refrigerator and plopped down at the table, watching as he prepped the pan and got to work on the sandwich.

Before long, I could smell the warm scent of grilled cheese. For a split second I flashed back to Saturday afternoons in the kitchen with my dad, when he would make Kendall and me grilled cheese for lunch while Mom was at work, trying to get ahead, trying to prove to Mr. Wilder that she was worth her weight in gold. He would chat with us about our weeks, give us advice about classmates we were having problems with or laugh at our stories about stuff that happened on the playground at recess.

And then I was back in the present, James smoothly sliding the sandwiches onto plates and setting one down in front of me.

"Enjoy," he said as he moved back to the sink to wash up the few dishes.

"I will." I took a bite and my eyes widened. "Oh my God. I don't know if it's because it's been so long since I've had grilled cheese, but this is fucking amazing."

"If I got you to say the F word, then the hype really must be true," James smirked.

I didn't even bother rolling my eyes. I just went back to eating my sandwich. It was every bit as good as my dad's used to be, maybe even better. I had no idea how that worked since they involved the exact same ingredients and the exact same procedure, but somehow it had happened.

"How do you even do it?" I asked him. "Grilled cheese is grilled cheese. How can you make it so good?"

His smirk widened. "It's a family secret."

"Really?"

"Nah, not really. It's just _my_ secret. When my parents were in the process of divorcing, I spent a lot of time alone and I kind of had to learn how to feed myself."

"Can you make other stuff?"

"A few things, mostly simple stuff like tacos and hamburgers."

"You should cook for me sometime," I suggested.

"As long as you bake me cupcakes once in awhile," he replied, taking his seat beside me.

"It's a deal."

We finished eating and headed back upstairs, closing and locking the door before crashing on the bed once more. Tomorrow we would be heading back to Dalton Prep, but at least we still had tonight together.

The next morning we dragged ourselves out of bed, showering and dressing, before gathering our stuff together. We loaded it into the two different cars, cleaned up any leftover messes, and locked up the house.

"Thanks so much for inviting us," Carlos said to me. "It was a lot of fun."

I smiled at him. "It's not a problem. You and James should come up with us again next time. We usually come up here a few times a semester, so this'll definitely be happening again."

James cut his eyes to me, and I looked back at him, seeing the hopeful look in those hazel orbs just for a split second before he rearranged his features back in a perfect mask.

The drive home was a lot quieter than it had been coming up here. We stopped at a McDonald's for lunch before continuing on. At last, we pulled into the student parking lot and got out, grabbing our luggage and heading for the front door.

And waiting on the front steps, holding a bouquet of roses, daisies, every kind of flower imaginable, was Zach.

I looked at him as we approached. "What're you doing here?"

"Waiting for you," he replied, walking down a couple of steps to meet me. "Here." He held the flowers out to me.

"Zach…"

"Please. Can we go somewhere and talk?" he begged.

"Fine," I sighed. "Just let me take my luggage up to my room."

"Okay. I'll go with you."

I glanced over my shoulder at James as Camille, Zach, and I made our way forward, my stomach twisting. He was staring at me, his face so carefully blank that it was like looking at a store mannequin, his expression, his eyes, so pointedly devoid of emotion.

I squared my shoulders, determined to keep my resolve. I wasn't going to let Zach manipulate me and string me along like a puppet.

I dropped my bags off in my room and Camille sat down on the bed, giving me a warning look as I walked out again with Zach. He led me out of the building and into a quiet corner of the courtyard. We sank down on a bench together and I turned to him. "What is it you want to say?"

"I've been doing a lot of thinking this weekend," he began. "And I get it. I know I've been a total ass. I know that I've treated you and your friends badly. And I'm sorry."

A week ago I might have lapped up his apology. A week ago I didn't have someone so much better waiting on me.

I licked my lips slowly. "I might actually believe you if it didn't sound so scripted. Goodbye, Zach. We're over." I stood up but before I could even take a step away from him, he grabbed my wrist, yanking me back down onto the bench with him.

"I don't think so."

I swiveled my neck to look at him and for the first time ever in his presence I was scared. Like James, he masked his features, his emotions, but unlike James, it wasn't to hide the pain and anger from a ruined childhood. It was to keep people from seeing just how dark his eyes could go, how thin his lips could press, how wickedly he could look at someone, and not the mischievous, playful kind of wicked. The type that was used to terrify people, to manipulate them, to force them to do whatever he wanted.

I swallowed hard, trying to jerk my arm out of his grasp. "Let go of me!"

"Here's the deal, Katie. You're being really, really selfish, breaking up with me just to run off with James Diamond."

"He's treated me better in a week then you have in the past two and a half years!" I snarled, still trying to break his grip.

"I don't really give a damn how he's treated you. What I do give a damn about, however, is what happens to me once you break up with me. You see, your popularity and your power is my popularity and power. I'm your boyfriend, and therefore everyone loves me."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Please. Teachers love me. People who wouldn't normally look twice at me strike up conversations with me in the hall. I was named captain of the football team. And I'm not going to let you ruin my senior year by breaking up with me and taking my popularity away from me. Because that's exactly what's going to happen, especially once everyone figures out who you're going out with now."

"James Diamond isn't popular or powerful by any means," I gritted out.

"No, but he's obviously got something that keeps you hanging on. And if you're not running from him, screaming your head off, then everyone else will think there must be something about him that's worth keeping. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let James Fucking Diamond get what I rightfully deserve. As long as everyone continues to love me and think I'm the best thing that's ever happened, I'll be able to get a scholarship to a school like Yale or Dartmouth. I'll be able to take over my family business. After all, popularity and power means success at life."

"Let go of me!"

"I don't care what you do or who you do in the shadows when no one's looking. I couldn't care less. But as far as anyone is concerned, we're still together and you're still madly in love with me."

"You're nuts. What the hell makes you think I'd even agree to that?!"

"Your mom works for my dad. My dad listens to me. So, let's say I was to give him a call and tell him that you've been cheating on me and your mom knows about it. He'll fire her within seconds when he realizes just how hurt and heartbroken I am."

I stared at him in horror. "Who the hell are you? What happened to you?"

"It's called high school, honey. Or maybe more accurately put, _life_." He finally released my wrist and I rubbed it, already seeing the skin turning a red-purple color. "So, we have a deal. You're with me in the public eye."

"So I can be with James behind everyone's back?" I spat out.

"Do you really think that he'd buy that _you_ want to cheat on me?" Zach laughed coolly. "Please. And I doubt you want to be known as a cheating skank, which is what will happen if you're caught. So, think about that. Have a good afternoon, Katie." He leaned down and kissed me. I turned my face at the last second, but he placed his hands on both cheeks, steering my lips back to his. I refused to kiss him back, but it didn't seem to perturb him in the least. He just straightened up and walked off, leaving me alone on the bench, my wrist throbbing painfully.

* * *

_**So, uh, how many of you want to kill me? Wait, don't answer that! Just...uh...I'm sorry, okay? Okay, not really. This was something I've been planning since I started the story, so I knew it was going to happen. Please forgive me?**_

_**Thank you for reading and please review! Feel free to cuss me out if it makes you feel better.**_


	12. Chapter 12 Necklaces and Show Downs

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.**_

_**Guest#1: Agreed. Thank you for taking the time to read and review, I really appreciate it :)**_

_**KnylonMaslow: Unfortunately, it happens :( But the story isn't over yet, just remember that. Thank you for reading and reviewing, it's mega appreciated!**_

_**Guest#2 (btrfanfiction1516): In that case, it did it's job :) Thank you for reading and reviewing, I always appreciate it!**_

_**Taylor: It's cool, it happens. And thanks, I'm glad you liked both chapters :) And yes, Zach definitely is. Thank you for taking the time to read and review, it's much appreciated!**_

_**THANK YOU to everyone who has read, followed, favorited, or reviewed this story! You guys rock!**_

_**A/N: So, this chapter is a little bit shorter, but it just felt natural to end it where I did. I wasn't planning on posting anything tonight, but I was in a crappy mood and figured that updating this story might make me feel a little bit better. Anyway, I'm so sorry that this story (that most of my stories) haven't been getting a lot of attention lately. There's been a ton of family issues and then I've had school and it's been crazy and things are still crazy, but I'm really hoping it slows down. But yeah, it's just been one thing after another, but I'm sorry for the wait. Please forgive me? Oh, and I'm apologizing in advance for any grammar mistakes or typos. I skimmed through it really quickly instead of doing a thorough read-through, so...Sorry! Also, shout out to Dana2184 who recently updated her story "Cold Dark December". It's Jatie and a thriller mystery and it's really intriguing, so go check that out please :)**_

_**Warnings: Language and innuendos.**_

_**Enjoy the chapter :)**_

* * *

**Chapter Twelve – Necklaces and Show Downs**

**Katie's POV**

I don't know how long I sat there on the bench, my wrist aching and my mouth tasting like someone had stuffed a dishrag in it. All I know is that it was quite awhile before I finally snapped out of my self-induced haze and got to my feet. I brushed any dirt off of my clothes, squared my shoulders, and, like a zombie in a horror movie, moved towards my dorm room.

Zach was giving me absolutely no choice. I had a feeling he would get my mother fired if I didn't let him have his way. He was a spoiled, selfish brat like that, a side of him I had been seeing more and more over the past couple of weeks. But this was pushing it. This was crossing the line. This was moving over country borders.

I made my way up to my dorm room and was partly relieved, partly disappointed, to find that it was empty. On the one hand, I didn't really want to talk to Camille. On the other hand, I very much wanted her to talk me out of this huge mistake I knew I was about to make. But I couldn't tell her about what Zach had said to me; I couldn't tell him that he had threatened my mom's job. I had no idea what would happen if she found out, but I had a feeling she'd end up confronting Zach and then my mom really would lose her job. I couldn't risk it.

I sank down on my bed, burying my face in my hands. I had no idea what I was supposed to do about this. I didn't want to…I knew I was about to hurt James. I was about to disappoint him, about to let him believe that I had chosen Zach over him. After everything that had happened this weekend…Everything he had told me…He would never look at me again, much less speak to me.

But maybe that was the way it was supposed to be.

I groaned, biting down hard on my lip, before lifting my head so that I could examine the finger-indented bruises Zach had left when he had grabbed my wrist. I rubbed my hand over the purple and blue marks, wincing at the way they blossomed over my skin. I was going to have to use concealer on them and wear long sleeves to hide the bruises. Great. As if this situation could get any worse.

I swallowed past the growing lump in my throat, trying to get myself together, trying to steel myself for what I was going to have to do.

Deciding to put it off a few minutes, I got to my feet and headed down to the lobby, grabbing a small bag of ice out of the vending machine and carrying it back up to the room. I placed it on my wrist, holding it in place, letting out a small sigh. The bag was icy and wet against my skin, like melted snow, and really, had I expected anything else from a bag of ice?

I shifted the ice slightly, and finally just headed to the bathroom, dumping the ice into the sink and tossing the bag in the trashcan. It was with a sigh that I made my way back to my dorm room, collapsing on the bed and closing my eyes. I could still feel the way James' lips pressed against mine, soft yet urgent; the rough brush of his fingers against my bare skin; his low, husky groan. And I was about to give that up because of Zach, because he wasn't who I had thought he was. Maybe he had never been who I thought he was. Maybe my mind had created my own version of him, something higher, purer, than what he was in real life. It certainly fit. After all, he had never exactly been my Mr. Perfect, not even when I was thirteen and thought that he was the most wonderful thing to walk the earth. Now that I really thought about it, I wasn't even sure I had actually liked him – I couldn't remember one redeeming quality he had possessed. The best I could come up with was that he was nice to me, but with the way my stomach was twisting in protest, I had a feeling that that particular quality hadn't carried over into other parts of his life. He certainly hadn't been pleasant to James – I had seen that after my first day in detention.

He had never been particularly polite to my brother either, and my friends had never been a huge fan of his. How had I missed the way he used and manipulated and threatened people for so long? The only answer that came to mind was that I had been completely blind, that I had forced myself to turn a blind eye to his activities. Speaking of activities…I couldn't help but wonder if he was engaging in "extracurricular activities" outside of our so-called relationship. Because our relationship wasn't real anymore. It hadn't been real since the moment James had walked into my life. And maybe it had never been real. If you cared about someone, you didn't threaten to get their mother fired because you were about to tell them to get lost. And if you did, it would be because you couldn't imagine life without that person, not because you wanted the power that the person gave you.

Zach seemed to think that I had something about me that ensured that everyone liked anyone who came into contact with me. Charisma, I guess. And he wanted to make sure that I kept sprinkling fairy dust on him. That was all he cared about. Not about me, not about us, but about using me to his advantage.

I had been so stupid to think that he had ever actually cared about me.

And the one person who really did care about me was about to get hurt in the crossfire. It wasn't fair. This shouldn't have been happening, but there wasn't a single thing I could think of that would change the situation. And the longer I waited to break the news to James, the more hurt he would become, the greater the impact. I had no idea if he was waiting to hear from me or if he assumed we would just meet up at dinner, but I knew I needed to get this whole thing over with as quickly and bloodlessly as I could.

I stood up again, changing out of my jeans and sweater and into lounge pants and a baggy t-shirt. I pulled my hair into a messy ponytail and scrubbed all the makeup off of my face, before unpacking my suitcase, as if procrastinating, prolonging what I was about to do, would somehow make everything go away.

But when my clothes and travel supplies were all put away and nothing had changed, I finally, reluctantly, reached for my phone.

I couldn't tell James that I had chosen Zach over him. I knew the second I looked into his eyes that I would break down, and I couldn't give Zach the satisfaction of hurting me further. The more distance I kept between James and myself, the better.

And it was with that thought that I typed out two words and sent them to James.

* * *

**James' POV**

I wasn't sure what exactly I had been expecting from Katie. A call? A text? A Facebook message? All I knew was that two hours had passed and I hadn't heard anything from her. Not a peep. And yeah, I'll admit it – I was getting more and more anxious by the minute. I had taken to pacing my dorm room, glancing at my silent and dark phone every ten seconds, hoping that it would light up with a new text from her. I just wanted to know that everything was okay and that nothing bad had happened.

But she hadn't contacted me, and I wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing. All I knew was that I was beyond anxious and my stomach was clenching and unclenching like someone was using it as a squeeze ball. I was hoping fervently that it wasn't my sixth sense acting up, telling me that something was wrong.

But as another half hour ticked by, I was beginning to relinquish any little bit of comfort I had managed to hold onto.

I had discovered a small gold necklace with a delicate chain, packed away in my suitcase, which I could only assume belonged to Katie. I had dropped it on my nightstand, but every now and then I would glance over at it, wishing it's owner would just call me already.

My phone lit up, vibrating on my desk, and I lunged for it, snatching it up and opening the new text. It was from Katie and it was with a churning stomach that I began to read it.

It consisted of two words.

"_I'm sorry._"

_I'm sorry_…the words resonated in my head like an echo in a cave, a guitar chord in an amphitheater, nothing more than a couple of meaningless syllables. _I'm sorry_…The hell she was. She had chosen Zach over me when she had said she wouldn't. She had made out with me, we had practically had sex, I had told her the one thing I had never told anyone else, and she had turned around and betrayed me. I wondered what it had taken Zach to get her to agree to continue going out with him. Did the flowers do it? Or maybe she had required him to make a couple of false promises, promises that he would never follow through on, because he didn't give a damn about her. But she would never truly see that. She would always choose the guy who was safe, who was easy to be with, and that guy was not me. It would be Zach, it would always be Zach, and that was it, end of story. There wasn't anything more to say.

But…but…but…

How could she do this? She knew more about me than anyone else did, and she had just…abandoned me. Had I done something wrong? Was I too forward? Too pushy? Too fucked up? Was there something wrong with me? What did Zach have that I didn't? Why didn't she like me?

And it was with that thought that I chucked my phone as hard as I could across the room. There was a mini explosion as the case shattered, but the phone itself slid unharmed to the floor.

With a small groan, I crossed the room and picked it up, sliding it into my jeans pocket, before gathering up the jagged pieces of the case so that I could throw them in the trashcan. I winced as my finger slipped across the edge of one of the pieces, blood bubbling almost immediately to the surface. I dumped the bits into the trash and headed out to the bathroom to rinse the blood away.

I flinched as the cold water hit my skin, watching almost in fascination as the shocking red was washed away down the drain. If only pain and disappointment could vanish that easily.

I returned to my room, just as Carlos was settling in.

"Hey, dude," he greeted me. "Have you heard from – ?"

I wordlessly nodded.

"And?"

"She's back with Zach."

Carlos groaned, running his hands over his face. "Fuck. What the hell is wrong with her? Why would she pick Zach Wilder over you?"

"Beats the hell out of me." I slumped onto my bed, head hitting the pillows. "But as far as I'm concerned, I'm done. Whatever. We haven't even known each other a week."

"Yeah, but most people don't connect the way you two did in a month. You two…the chemistry, the connection, it was all there. And from what Logan's told me, Katie and Zach have never had that. So why would she choose him?"

"Because he's easy and convenient and it's what is expected of her. She'll always choose him over me, that's the way girls like Katie Knight work. And there's not a single fucking thing I can do about it!"

"I don't care, this is complete bullshit. You two like each other, and she should be with you, not some motherfucking prick who thinks he's too good for everyone else. I wonder what the fuck he said or did to get her to agree to continue dating her. It must've been a load of fucking pretty shit." Carlos crossed his arms over his chest, his jaw set.

"Maybe he promised to marry her," I laughed hollowly. "Maybe they decided to be king and queen of America together."

"Whatever the hell he said, I bet he knew exactly what he would do. There's a reason he was waiting out front for her, James. He had flowers. Flowers! He knew he would have to do some serious buttering up and manipulating. He was prepared."

"Well, it worked, so good for him."

Carlos pressed his lips together for a long moment, before saying, "This isn't over."

"It is."

"It's not. Something's going to give, something's going to happen. I can feel it."

"Good for you."

"Come on, let's go down to dinner. Maybe Katie will be there and you can question her in person."

I snorted. "Maybe."

Somehow, I had a feeling that she wasn't going to be showing up at dinner, and sure enough, once we reached the cafeteria, she was nowhere in sight. I could see Camille filling a Styrofoam bowl up with chicken noodle soup, a grim expression on her face.

Before I could even think about it, Carlos grabbed my arm and dragged me over to her, a determined look on his face.

Camille looked around at us as she snapped a lid on the bowl. "I wondered if I was going to be seeing you tonight," she said to me. "You got Katie's text?"

"Unfortunately."

"What the hell is Katie's problem?" Carlos burst out. "Why the fuck would she choose Wilder over James? We all know James is the guy she should be with! So what the hell happened?!"

Camille sighed. "I don't know. I came back to our dorm and she was a mess, just staring at her phone. She said she didn't feel good and didn't feel like eating, but I was afraid she might faint or something, so…I'm forcing her to eat."

"She should feel bad! She can't go around treating people like that! She can't just let James get attached to her and then completely push him away! Who the fuck does that?!"

"What's going on?" Logan demanded, approaching us, arms crossed.

"Your friend is what's going on!" Carlos snarled. "Katie. She went back to Zach."

"What?" Logan blinked in confusion. "Katie wouldn't do that, she likes James too much."

"Well, it's true. She's with Zach Wilder again."

"There has to be a mistake…" Logan ran his fingers through his short, black hair.

"No, you know what?" I held up my hands. "There isn't a mistake. That's the problem. There is no mistake! She decided Zach was better and she made her decision. It doesn't matter, we weren't together."

"It does matter," Carlos insisted. "Okay? I've never seen you fall for someone like that. And you two seemed to be getting really close."

"You even let her in," Logan said quietly. "You told me that Friday night."

"And it won't be happening again."

"This really is bullshit," Carlos growled. "I don't know what you told her, but you don't even let _me_ in. She has no right to abuse that. Whatever. She has no idea what she's lost by going back to that prick."

I pressed my lips together and instead grabbed a sandwich and a bottle of water before heading back to my dorm. I didn't feel like being around people at that moment.

I spent the rest of the night locked up in my dorm, listening to my iPod and going through the script for _Guys and Dolls_. Auditions would be held on Wednesday, and I needed to be prepared for them. I normally would have spent the majority of the weekend prepping myself, but because of the trip up to Winchester, I had seriously slacked off and now I had to make up for it.

I ended up going to bed early, though I tossed and turned for a few more hours before finally drifting off into a restless sleep.

I felt like a zombie the next morning, my limbs heavy and my brain slow, even after my second cup of coffee. I was sitting in the cafeteria with Carlos, Dak, Jett, and Lucy, working on my third cup while spooning cold cereal into my mouth, Katie's necklace feather light yet boulder heavy in my pants pocket. I had no idea why I had even grabbed it, just that I knew it needed to be returned to her.

"Hey." Lucy nudged her elbow into my ribs, nodding towards the entrance. I looked around and my stomach seemed to do a couple of back handsprings when I saw who had just walked in. Katie and Zach headed over to check out the breakfast options, hand in hand.

I pushed my cereal away. "I'm done."

"No, you're not," Carlos said firmly, shoving it back towards me. "Don't let them kill your appetite. They're not worth it, okay?"

I nodded weakly and took another bite, doing my best to ignore how cozy they looked. Except, as I glanced involuntarily at them, they didn't actually look all that cozy. Katie looked stiff, a fake smile pasted on her face as she and her wonderful boyfriend headed over to their friends. I had never seen someone look so unhappy when they were supposed to be on top of the world.

Maybe there was hope after all.

Shoving that thought out of my head, I finished my food and downed my coffee, before getting to my feet, swinging my bag over my shoulder, and making my way through the cafeteria, towards Katie and her friends.

I stopped behind her, forcing both her and Zach to swivel around in their seats so that they could look up at me.

I reached into my pocket and pulled the necklace out, letting the chain slither through my fingers before holding it up like a grand prize. "I believe this belongs to you," I said to Katie coldly. "I must have accidentally packed this, because I found it in my suitcase last night."

"James…" She looked up at me, eyes wide and filled with apology and regret, and it was almost too much for me to stare back at her, keeping my gaze icy, but Zach's arm was around her waist and that in itself was enough for me to keep from so much as flinching.

"Here." I dropped it on the table in front of her. "If I find anything else, like one of your bras, I'll make sure it's returned to you."

Zach glared up at me. "You have no business here, fucker."

"And you have no business consorting with the mentally sane people, yet here you are."

"Okay, you know what – " He got to his feet, but Katie grabbed his hand, tugging on it.

"_Don't_," she snapped, almost forcefully as she yanked him back down. "Leave him alone, Zach. He hasn't done anything wrong."

"Like hell he hasn't, trying to steal my girlfriend the second my back was turned – "

"I didn't have to try to steal her, she came running," I retorted, before leaning down and bracing my hands on the table so that I was almost nose to nose with him. "She moaned for me. Did you know that? She even screamed my name when she finished. Loved the way I made her feel. Does she scream your name, Zach? Does she moan when you kiss her?"

Zach forced his way to his feet, shoving me back. "You're nothing but a lowlife fucker, Diamond. I don't know where you get this shit from, but you're nothing but a liar!"

I pushed him back, equaling his strength. "Really? Then why are you getting so pissed? If I'm lying, then you should be fine, knowing that your perfect girlfriend would never even get to second base with a lowlife fucker like me."

"James! Zach!" Katie leapt to her feet, trying to heave her way between us. "Zach, just stop it! Okay? You don't know crap!"

"Just go curl up somewhere and die," Zach growled, steering me back towards the wall. "You're nothing but a fucked up sex toy, used and abused and left for dead."

I grabbed his shoulder, forcing him into the wall. "You think you're so fucking smart, don't you? Because you managed to manipulate your way back into a relationship with Katie. But we both know that there's more to that. And I bet it's going to fucking kill you, knowing that I've had her in ways that you can only dream of."

"Go to hell, Diamond."

"I can't, they have a restraining order against me." I stepped back, smirking at the look on his face. "Just remember, Wilder, whenever you kiss your girlfriend, she's going to be wishing it was me." And with that, I stalked away, through the cafeteria and out the door.

* * *

_**So yeah, like I said, slightly shorter chapter than what I had planned to post, but hopefully it works. Anyway, please review because I'd love to hear from you guys :)**_


	13. Chapter 13 Explanations and Excuses

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush, "Guys and Dolls", or the monologue.**_

_**InLogansBed: Agreed, but there are reasons for it, so...Well, here it is ;) Thank you for taking the time to read and review, I really appreciate it.**_

_**Guest (btrfanfiction1516): That he is. Thank you for reading and reviewing! I always appreciate it :)**_

_**lalaland: It is kind of unbelievable. Agreed, poor James. Thank you for taking the time to read and review, it's much appreciated!**_

_**Thank you for all the reviews, follows, and favorites! I always smile like an idiot whenever I see a new one, so thank you for that. :)**_

_**A/N: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I'm actually updating less than a week after my last update. But I had this chapter written, and I figured I might as well post it, so here it is :) Not a lot to say for this chapter, it's more of a filler, but it does have a purpose.**_

_**On that note, I'm about to do some self-advertising. I just posted a new multi-chapter story yesterday called "Pull The Trigger", and I also posted the first part of a Halloween three shot, called "Love Bites", earlier today. If you get the chance, please check them out! I'd really appreciate it :)**_

_**Warnings: Language and sexual innuendos.**_

_**Enjoy the chapter :)**_

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen – Explanations and Excuses**

**James' POV**

The adrenaline was still coursing through my body as I sat down in my first class, taking a deep breath to calm myself. Going after Zach like that could have been compared to going on one of the more insane roller coasters, a thrill in and of itself. It had felt amazing, managing to transfer the anger and confusion and frustration into something physical, being able to take it out on the person who was causing all these different problems.

Carlos joined me a few minutes after I sat down, dropping his bag to the floor by his feet. "Okay, so you're going to keep your mouth shut today, right? Because the auditions for _Guys and Dolls_ is on Wednesday, and you don't want to be stuck in detention for a week and miss it, and after whatever just happened in the cafeteria, you don't want to push it."

"I'll behave myself," I rolled my eyes, digging out a pen and notebook. "Don't worry about it, Carlos. I'm not a complete fuck up."

"I never said you were. Anyway, what did you say to Zach Wilder to make him snap like that?"

"I merely informed him that his girlfriend likes me more."

"Obviously." Carlos shook his head. "I have no idea what Katie's doing with Zach, but whatever the reason…I saw the way she glared at him. She looked about ready to throttle him when you walked away, I half expected her to knee him in the groin or something. She looked fucking pissed."

"Good," I said in satisfaction. "She should be pissed. She chose him over me and now she has to deal with the consequences."

"Exactly." Carlos leaned back in his seat.

"So, hey, what exactly happened with you and Logan this weekend?" I smirked at him. "Anything interesting happen?"

Carlos' cheeks tinged red. "We talked…a lot…I found out that he's bi."

"Really?" I quirked an eyebrow, my smirk widening. "How about that?"

"You knew, didn't you?"

"Kind of…yeah. She told me last Friday when we were in detention. I would've told you, but once we got out, I just didn't get a chance."

"Ah."

"Yeah. Sorry…But hey, now you know you have a chance. Anything else happen?"

"No, we just talked. He's really nice, really cool. Did you see him this morning? He looked so hot in his school uniform."

I rolled my eyes. "I'll take your word for it."

"Can I keep him?"

"You might want to date him first. Maybe make out with him. Sex is nice too."

"James!" Carlos' face flushed even deeper.

"Carlos!" I mimicked, matching the flabbergasted look on his face. "What? If you and Logan date, it's probably going to happen at some point. I don't know why you're so shocked. Are you honestly going to tell me that you've never once thought about what it would be like to get Logan in the sack?"

"Oh my gosh…I'm not listening to this."

"Dude, come on. You and Logan would be a really cute couple, and besides, you deserve to be happy."

Carlos turned to me again. "Look…I'm just not sure that particular crowd is the answer to our problems."

"What?"

"You know, Katie and Logan and Kendall and Zach and all those people."

"Just because Zach has issues and Katie has no backbone, doesn't mean the others are like that. It's like you said, Logan's really nice. Don't let him get away just because Katie and I aren't going to happen."

Carlos sighed. "I just don't want this mess to get even worse."

"I don't know what to tell you, dude. There isn't an easy solution to this."

"There never is."

The teacher walked in at that moment, and we fell silent, focusing on the class.

By lunch, the whole school seemed to know about my argument with Zach Wilder in the cafeteria that morning. Whispers followed me everywhere I went, but I had long since learned to ignore them. Besides, with any luck people were talking about what an ass Zach was.

I somehow managed to get through the rest of the day without earning myself detention. It was actually kind of a miracle – I was impressed.

"See?" Carlos said to me as we sat down at dinner. "I knew you could do it. Just the rest of the semester to go, buddy." He clapped me on the shoulder and I rolled my eyes.

"I have no fucking clue how I'm going to get through the rest of the semester without mouthing off or getting caught fucking off."

"Just don't drop a sparkler in a toilet," Lucy advised me as she bit into her cheeseburger. "Because when you did that last time, the dean almost had a heart attack. I thought for sure he was going to expel you."

I grinned, picking a piece of pepperoni off of my slice of pizza and popping it in my mouth. "It was worth it."

"You would say that," Carlos rolled his eyes as Lucy and I high fived.

"What can I say?" I shrugged. "I'm a troublemaker."

"Speaking of trouble, you know India Travers?" Jett addressed me.

"She's the student government secretary, right?"

"Yeah, that's her. Anyway, word in the halls is that she wants you."

"That's nice." I sucked on my lemonade. "Why the hell does a girl like that want me? Isn't she a sophomore?"

"Yep, and rumor has it that she's a virgin." Jett's eyes gleamed excitedly.

"Again, that's nice. What does her virginal status have to do with anything?"

"Well, you like virgins, right?"

I choked, spitting my lemonade out. "Where the fuck did you hear that?!"

"Katie was a virgin, but you took care of that," Jett shrugged.

"Oh dear God…She still is a virgin, we didn't have sex."

"That's not what I heard."

"What you heard and what really happened are probably two very different things." I shook my head. "What did you hear?"

"Just that you guys slept together when you were up at Winchester together."

"We slept in the same bed. That was about it."

"A lot of people heard what you said to Wilder this morning, James," Dak pointed out. "It sounded like you said that you and Katie screwed."

"That's not what happened, though. I mean, we would have fucked if we had been completely naked, but we weren't. Fucking hell." I dropped my head into my hands, groaning. Why couldn't people just shut up about me for one fucking day?! This was getting ridiculous. And now Katie was getting effected…

"Look," Carlos said reassuringly. "It's just a stupid rumor. It'll blow over within a couple of days. And I'm sure Katie will be denying that anything actually happened with you two – if she's who she's been acting like, then she won't want to admit that she had a weekend fling with Dalton Prep's bad boy. And if she is who we thought she was, then she'll set people straight."

"Hopefully." I sighed. "This isn't what I wanted."

"Yeah, well, thanks to Wilder, you're probably not going to get what you want on the Katie front," Lucy pointed out. "But at least everyone knows that _something_ happened between you and Katie."

"Is that even a good thing?" I wanted to know.

"Might be. It's hard to tell right now."

I sighed, finishing my pizza. Before I could get to my feet, however, a blonde girl approached our table, smiling widely at me.

I looked up at her. I was pretty sure that she was India Travers, the girl Jett had mentioned to me, and I had no plans to stick around so that Jett could try to set me up with a pity one nighter.

"Hi," she greeted me, coming around to my side of the table.

"Um…hi?"

"I'm India."

"Nice to meet you. I'm James."

"Oh, I know." She tightened her picture-perfect ponytail, and I was immediately reminded of Katie when she was nervous or anxious. "Everyone knows who you are. You're, like, the hottest guy in school."

"Um…thanks?"

"I just mean…I was wondering if you'd be interested in going out with me."

I pressed my lips together, looking down at the table before glancing back up at her. "Sorry, but I don't really do relationships."

"Oh." She didn't look all that surprised; rather, she seemed to have expected it. "Well, maybe we could just hang out…you know, no strings attached?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

She frowned. "Why not?"

"You seem really nice, and people might get the wrong idea if they find out you've been hanging out with me."

"But what if they'd be getting the right idea?" she wanted to know.

I shook my head. "You're too young, India."

"I'm fifteen."

"That's too young. Believe me, I'm not the one you want to lose your virginity to. You should lose it to someone who actually cares about you, not to the first person who seems open to it."

She stared at me like I had gone nuts.

"Believe me," I got to my feet, grabbing the remnants of my dinner. "I know from experience."

"Who'd you lose it to?" she demanded, hands on her hips.

"Someone who should never have been in my life in the first place." I tossed my trash away and headed back to my room. I did a little bit of homework before going over the scene I was going to be performing for the audition. Carlos joined me as I was practicing my lines in front of the mirror, and then challenged me to sing the song I would be using for the audition. We spent the rest of the night, with Carlos coaching me on my performance and giving me the thumbs up on some stuff and "no way in hell"s on other things.

Tuesday slipped by in a flurry of classes, practice, and avoiding the rumors and girls who were rapidly popping out of the woodwork. It seemed that every girl with a twisted sense of entitlement and what they found attractive was suddenly flocking to me, like seagulls to popcorn. All anyone seemed to know was that I had spent the weekend with Katie, and while no one actually could guess what had happened, girls who had previously sneered at me were now coming up to me with their school blouses unbuttoned past their cleavage and their skirts rolled up. Apparently if I was good enough for a weekend getaway with Katie Knight, I was good enough for a quick fuck in the janitor's closet.

I didn't take any of them up on it.

I had no interest in a quick fuck. The only girl I wanted to be with was currently parading around the school, attached at the hip with fucking Zach Wilder.

"I have no idea what's wrong with these girls," I said to Carlos as we sat out in the courtyard during our morning free period, watching as a couple of juniors sneaked a cigarette, and a senior drank from a bottle of who-knows-what. It was amazing how there were never any teachers around when these kids were actually breaking the rules, but if I had come within a foot of the bottle of alcohol, I would have been put in detention in half a second flat.

"Maybe it's that dark, broken, mysterious thing you have going on," Carlos shrugged, taking a sip from his bottle of Frappuccino. "You know, with all the secrets and stuff you've been hiding."

"I'm not broken," I snapped, snatching his bottle from his grasp and putting it up to my lips. When I had finished drinking, I passed it back to him. "I'm just…recovering."

"What the hell happened to you, dude? You've been getting steadily worse since your dad remarried, since you were twelve. I mean, Katie knows…Why won't you tell me?"

"She doesn't even know the whole story." I shook my bangs out of my eyes and stood up. "It's not something I want to talk about."

"It never is," Carlos argued, getting to his feet as well. "What happened, James? What did she do to you?"

"I – what?" I froze, feeling as if someone had just trained a gun on me.

"What did your stepmother do? Because she did something, right? It can't be a coincidence that the second she entered your life, you started pulling back, retreating into this shell you have going on. No one can get close to you. It's like, you have this persona, this attitude that you don't give a shit, but you do. You care what happens. But no one knows you, we only know what you choose to show."

"Isn't that the way it usually works?" I retorted.

"You completely cover up any vulnerabilities you have. Most people show their flaws, but not you."

"I show them."

"Being a total troublemaker doesn't count. Look, you know about my family issues, with my mom hating my dad's job as a cop and their constant fighting. You know that I get crappy grades about sixty percent of the time. You know that bears scare the shit out of me. But I don't know that about you. You have this wall that's completely impenetrable. I've known you for years, but you're not the person you were when we became friends. You're a shell. Just talk to me. Look," he added, voice brightening slightly. "I'll tell you a secret and then you tell me one, okay?"

"Whatever."

"Okay…hmm…I want to be a lawyer, but I don't think I'm going to make it into law school."

"My stepmother abused me." And with that, I pushed past him, heading for the building, not even giving him a chance to react more than look a little shocked.

I avoided him the rest of the day. I didn't have the energy to fend off the million and one questions I knew he would have. He would want to know what type of abuse it was, what it had entailed, why I hadn't ever gotten any help, what exactly I had told Katie. But I had no plans to talk about it. It was my little secret, not meant for public eyes. And if I had my way, no one else would ever find out about it.

I ended up skipping dinner in my room, in favor of rehearsing my lines for the trillionth time since Sunday night.

I was halfway through the scene when my phone blared out the Escape the Fate song that I had chosen as my ringtone. I grabbed it, and was promptly tempted to drop it when I saw who was calling. Nevertheless, I let the call go through and put the phone up to my ear.

"Hey, Mom. What's up?"

"Hi, sweetie," she greeted me. "Did I interrupt something important?"

"I was rehearsing lines for a musical that I'm auditioning for tomorrow afternoon."

"Which musical?"

"_Guys and Dolls_."

"Oh, that one," she said dismissively.

"You don't like it?"

"It's okay, I suppose. There are better musicals out there."

"I guess. Anyway, why are you calling?"

"I'm going to be in the area for business this weekend, and I was wondering if you could get away from your partying and drinking and sex to meet me for dinner."

"I haven't been doing any of that this year," I informed her. "And yeah, I guess so."

"Good. How about we meet at that little café in Dalton?"

"You mean The Green Tiger?"

"Yeah, that's the one. Quaint little place, isn't it?"

"I suppose."

"Okay. So, we'll meet there on Friday evening at six-o-clock sharp."

I heard a clicking sound and furrowed my brow. "Are you scheduling me in?"

"Well, what else am I supposed to do?"

"And then people wonder why I'm the way I am…" I raked my fingers through my hair. "Aren't you even going to ask if six-o-clock on Friday works for me?"

"I'm assuming it does."

"It may not. I might have rehearsal."

"When do you find out if you got the role?"

"Thursday afternoon, Mom."

"Whatever. If you have rehearsal, just blow it off. It's only the first day."

"I can't do that. If you don't show up the first day of rehearsal at Dalton Prep, you can get kicked from the play."

"Ugh. Like a musical about some gambling addict is even worth getting kicked from."

"It's not about…Okay, you know what? You go Wikipedia the musical and we'll talk later."

"Fine," she huffed out. "Text me if you can make it or not."

"I will."

"Love you, darling. Bye."

"Love you too." I hung up and tossed my phone on my bed. Dear Lord…dinner with my mother…what had I gotten myself into?

The dorm room door opened and Carlos walked in, holding a wrapped sandwich and a bottle of apple juice. "You didn't come to dinner," he commented, passing me the sandwich.

I eyed it. "What is it?"

"Turkey and Swiss."

"Okay, thanks." I unwrapped the sandwich and took a bite.

"About what you told me earlier…" he began, but I held up my hand, swallowing my mouthful of food.

"Carlos, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it, I don't want to remember it, and I don't want to relive any of it. Just _please_ drop it."

"But you need help. Abuse leaves permanent scars on you. You need to talk to someone."

"You sound like all those self-help guides they give out after assemblies – _If you or someone you know has been using drugs, bullied, raped, abused, cutting, suicidal, depressed, etc., please call this hotline_." I rolled my eyes, snorting. "What a load of shit."

"But what if it does help?"

"If I need help, I'll get it after I graduate, when I'm in New York City, at Julliard."

"James…" Carlos sighed. "Okay. Do what you need to do. Just…tell me this."

"What?"

"How bad was it? How bad was the abuse?"

I paused before answering. "Let me put it this way. I wouldn't even wish it on Wilder. Anyway, thanks for dinner."

* * *

**Katie's POV**

I was miserable. Completely and totally miserable. I missed James, I hated Zach, and I just wanted this whole nightmare to be over.

Today was Wednesday, and that meant that after school, auditions would be held for _Guys and Dolls_. I normally wouldn't have bothered to remember that little piece of information, but James had mentioned it a few different times to me, so it was now etched in my brain like a tattoo on skin.

And it was because of that little piece of information that I found myself wandering the halls, heading towards the theater. I could already hear the ringing of voices, even from down the hall, and my stomach knotted slightly.

I wasn't going to lie, I was nervous. I hated the fact that James wouldn't even look at me, and I had no idea how he was going to react when he realized I had come to his audition. I didn't want to do anything to make him despise me anymore, but I needed to see him when I was away from Zach, and I wanted to talk to him. At the very least, I needed some closure, we both did. I just wasn't sure if this was the best way to do it.

I pushed through the double doors and slipped up into the stands, taking a seat in the middle, trying to make sure I was surrounded by people even though I was positive James' eyes would sought me out right away; I knew if it was me on stage, I would find him within seconds.

A scrawny freshman had taken center stage, his voice squeaking and cracking every few seconds, and I winced as he completely butchered the monologue he was in the middle of. I didn't know the musical well, but I was pretty sure none of the characters were supposed to sound like they were about to have a panic attack any second.

He ended up shuffling off of the stage a minute later, and a couple more people auditioned before James was called out. I perked up slightly, focusing all my attention on him as he began to speak.

"_See, Nathan…let me tell you a little story – when I was young, my father taught me an important lesson…he said; 'my son – one day a man will come up to you and bet you ten to one that he can get cider to squirt in your ear from an uncut apple…but do not take this bet, my son – because as sure as you're standing there, you will get an earful of cider'…now, Nathan – I'm not claiming that you're stalking Mindy's cheesecake, but I'll make you the same bet that you cannot tell me what is the color of the tie you are wearing now…"_ James smirked as if waiting for a reply, before saying smartly, "_That's what I thought._"

It wasn't until he fell silent that I realized I had been holding my breath. Wow…he had been amazing. I could see why he had gotten so many lead roles in the school productions. For a long minute, he hadn't been James Diamond, but Sky Masterson, a Chicago gambler. His posture, his voice, the look on his face, his entire personality had completely changed. He really could act…

He began singing a moment later, the music teacher following along with him on the piano, and while I didn't know the song – I was pretty sure it was a stripped down version of an alternative rock song – his voice was beautiful, magnetic, magical. As he came to a finish, I found myself applauding loudly with the rest of the audience. While most of the kids were only in here to support their friends, for thirty seconds, everyone was cheering only for him, rooting for James to get the role, hoping he truly had nailed it.

James bowed and made his way off the stage, glancing over his shoulder, eyes somehow locking with mine, even across the theater, through the crowd of people.

He didn't appear until after everyone else had filed out of the theater, moving gracefully across the stage and up into the seats.

"What're you doing here?"

The words were heavy, rolled with stones and bricks, a great weight falling across his shoulders, and it was with nervousness that I tilted my head up, looking into his eyes.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"About?" His voice was short, clipped, brusque, and my stomach churned anxiously.

"About what happened."

"Which part? The part where we practically had sex, or the part where you just ditched me for Wilder?"

"The second part."

"Well, good. Because you owe me one hell of an explanation, Katie. What the hell was that?! You told me you wouldn't go back to him, that we were as good as together, and then you text me and the next thing I know you're all over each other! And now you're here and you better fucking explain, because I've had more than enough from you and your fucking boyfriend. Who the hell do you even think you are, just turning up here like nothing happened?! Who the fuck does that?!"

"Me, apparently…" I lowered my eyes shamefully. "James, I'm sorry, but believe me when I say it's not what you think it is."

"Then what the fuck is it?" He threw himself into the seat next to me, arms crossed.

"It's – it's – well – " I looked at him apologetically. "I can't actually tell you that. If Zach finds out – "

He snorted. "That's fucking convenient. _I can't tell you, I don't want my boyfriend to find out_. Whatever, Katie." He made to get to his feet, but I grabbed his wrist.

"Please stay."

"Why?"

"Because – because – because I care about you, and I miss you, and I never wanted to hurt you."

"I can see how well that went."

"Zach threatened me."

"How?" he asked sharply.

"I – "

"Let me guess, you can't tell me."

"Um…no…But basically Zach threatened someone close to me in order to keep me dating him, or make it look like I'm still dating him."

"Are you still dating him behind closed doors?"

"I – yeah – kind of…"

"Then we're done here."

"James – "

"No." He pushed himself up and headed for the stairs. "You made your decision, Katie."

"You don't understand – "

"Gee, I wonder why that is. It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that you haven't told me a single fucking thing, now could it?"

"We're only dating behind closed doors because it's easier. We're only dating in his head, James."

"That's bullshit." He whipped around. "If you're going to go around, holding hands and making out in public, then it's real. You said yourself its real."

"I don't have feelings for him. I have them for _you_."

"Then tell me what he did. Tell me what he said, who he's threatening."

"If he finds out, he'll carry out his threat."

"Then don't let him find out. It's not that hard, Katie."

"James – "

"No, don't even start. You're scared of him, and until you finally get the balls to stand up to him, you're going to keep getting forced under his thumb and that's not going to change. When you finally decide you're ready to tell him to go to hell, come and find me. Until then, have fun playing trophy girlfriend to Zach Wilder." And he descended the stairs and turned, pushing through the doors, leaving me alone in the theater.

* * *

_**So, there's chapter 13. What'd you guys think of it? Again, it's a filler one, but like I said it is important. Thank you for taking the time to read, and please feel free to review! I would really appreciate it :)**_


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